f/30 lack of labido and physical intimacy. /u/Level_Astronomer2952 Sex

I’m f/30 and have never had sex. I have never had much of a sex drive. Only last year having experienced that for a few months to recognise the difference. I haven’t kissed anyone either.

I didn’t focus on this in the past due to bad mental health. This last few years I find myself really wanting some level of intimacy, and that dating is difficult because that has tended to come up early on when meeting people. As early as first dates, they’d end with some attempt from the other to kiss, or them asking if we can.

I have tried the approach of telling people about my lack of experience. Maybe selfishly because I’m so conscious of being bad at it and giving them a heads up. I don’t feel I can just go right into it. I have tried talking to a friend about this and they said that it’s unfair for me to warn people in this way, and that it’s basically me putting up a barrier from the start. I understand their point of view. I know that even if emotionally I’m feeling unsure of myself, there isn’t something physically stopping me. But the lack of natural desire also makes it seem hard to just ‘let go.’

I feel alone, like I can’t get involved with anyone because of this problem. Any person I’ve shared it with has been understanding but also doesn’t tend to continue to meet after having did so. Which I understand! I’m just not sure what to do, when/how to, or if I should mention it when dating.

I have tried using toys/vibrators, watching porn or generally trying to think about it more actively. I find that I have some desire when I think about certain people I’m interested in, thinking about being with them. But nothing that I think is reaching whatever it is other people feel.

I have also thought or been told that I may be asexual. I feel like that’s possible given my behaviour, but I don’t want to be, and get upset or frustrated at the idea of it. I wish I had a labido in spite of having a lack of confidence, because at least then it would feel like there’s something there.

I have spoken to my doctor and bloodwork has shown I have a thyroid issue. I will begin taking medication to increase the level of my hormones, but I don’t know that this will improve anything to do with the issue mentioned. My doctor feels it’s more of a psychological issue than anything, but I’m not sure how to overcome that if so. I can’t afford specific therapy to see if that would help.

I’m sharing because I would be interested to hear others views on dating someone with a lack of experience in being intimate in their 30’s. As the other person, do you feel you’d prefer to know about this situation or would it then feel like a bigger emotional responsibility in some way? Any advice on anything mentioned would be appreciated. Yes I am embarrassed to post this but have few people I can talk to about it.

I’m f/30 and have never had sex. I have never had much of a sex drive. Only last year having experienced that for a few months to recognise the difference. I haven’t kissed anyone either.

I didn’t focus on this in the past due to bad mental health. This last few years I find myself really wanting some level of intimacy, and that dating is difficult because that has tended to come up early on when meeting people. As early as first dates, they’d end with some attempt from the other to kiss, or them asking if we can.

I have tried the approach of telling people about my lack of experience. Maybe selfishly because I’m so conscious of being bad at it and giving them a heads up. I don’t feel I can just go right into it. I have tried talking to a friend about this and they said that it’s unfair for me to warn people in this way, and that it’s basically me putting up a barrier from the start. I understand their point of view. I know that even if emotionally I’m feeling unsure of myself, there isn’t something physically stopping me. But the lack of natural desire also makes it seem hard to just ‘let go.’

I feel alone, like I can’t get involved with anyone because of this problem. Any person I’ve shared it with has been understanding but also doesn’t tend to continue to meet after having did so. Which I understand! I’m just not sure what to do, when/how to, or if I should mention it when dating.

I have tried using toys/vibrators, watching porn or generally trying to think about it more actively. I find that I have some desire when I think about certain people I’m interested in, thinking about being with them. But nothing that I think is reaching whatever it is other people feel.

I have also thought or been told that I may be asexual. I feel like that’s possible given my behaviour, but I don’t want to be, and get upset or frustrated at the idea of it. I wish I had a labido in spite of having a lack of confidence, because at least then it would feel like there’s something there.

I have spoken to my doctor and bloodwork has shown I have a thyroid issue. I will begin taking medication to increase the level of my hormones, but I don’t know that this will improve anything to do with the issue mentioned. My doctor feels it’s more of a psychological issue than anything, but I’m not sure how to overcome that if so. I can’t afford specific therapy to see if that would help.

I’m sharing because I would be interested to hear others views on dating someone with a lack of experience in being intimate in their 30’s. As the other person, do you feel you’d prefer to know about this situation or would it then feel like a bigger emotional responsibility in some way? Any advice on anything mentioned would be appreciated. Yes I am embarrassed to post this but have few people I can talk to about it.