My husband made a comment about oral that completely broke me /u/Nearby-Inevitable206 Sex

I am 21, he is 22. We’ve been together for one year. I was in a long-term relationship before we started dating, and I wasn’t a Christian either. I did go all the way sexually with my long term bf at that time, so I am not a virgin (body count is 1) and my husband is.

He told me that he won’t give me oral sex because I’m not a virgin, and that this is a permanent boundary/standard that he has. I actually knew this before we got together, but the way things were at that time, he made it seem like I was so special and I didn’t think it would really be the case. I thought it was his sexual inexperience talking, but I’ve also never pressured him.

I also felt like even if we didnt do that, it wouldnt be a big deal. And now, I regret not recognizing how important it was to me. It’s not even about the act, but the idea of my husband being so averse to me in that way, because of something I can no longer change.

It’s come up more than once since then, but a few months ago he directly compared it to “eating food covered in feces.” Even if you wash it, it’s still not the same. Hearing that broke my heart. It felt so demeaning in a way I’ve never felt before, and since then, I just feel so broken and numb. We are sexually intimate but we’ve never gone all the way. Now whenever we do stuff I just feel this disgust. To be honest, If he had said something like that before, I never would have married him.

The things that we do sexually are pretty limited to touching. I don’t really do oral on him, even though I really want to. It’s hard to do it knowing how he feels. He’s also ok with never receiving it. He has a fetish that we indulge in so that is sufficient for him. He uses his mouth on me sometimes but only anally, and it’s satisfying and unsatisfying at the same time. it’s hard because it isn’t what my body is craving, and anatomically they’re so close to each other. I would rather avoid anything mouth related altogether, but part of me is starting to get bored with just touching. I have no idea when we’ll actually have sex, he won’t tell me but doesnt feel like the time is right yet because we haven’t graduated college yet and he doesnt believe in abortion. So he wants to be in a different financial position before any babies are possible. I respect this and it took me more than 1 year to decide to have sex with my now ex bf. I will never rush him in that regard. The comments implying he could be gay for this are strange.

I want to respect his boundaries, and I also understand we come from a faith that values purity. I would never withhold sexual favors to push someone’s boundaries. But I just feel totally turned off. I cried every day for a month after he said the feces comment. He’s apologized and we moved on and I hate when it comes up because I just feel so sad again. I don’t want this to be the rest of my life, but I cant exactly divorce considering my faith.

I dont even know how to move forward. Even if we did it, at this point it wouldn’t be enjoyable for either party because there’s too much baggage. Part of me is bitter, and the other part has gotten the ick because it screams sexual immaturity. He’s essentially still viewing me as tainted but won’t admit it, and says he can still love me even without choosing to do certain things for me. I don’t even disagree with that concept, but it’s degrading as a woman to know that your husband would do more for you if you were a different woman. Please help me move on 🙁

I am 21, he is 22. We’ve been together for one year. I was in a long-term relationship before we started dating, and I wasn’t a Christian either. I did go all the way sexually with my long term bf at that time, so I am not a virgin (body count is 1) and my husband is.

He told me that he won’t give me oral sex because I’m not a virgin, and that this is a permanent boundary/standard that he has. I actually knew this before we got together, but the way things were at that time, he made it seem like I was so special and I didn’t think it would really be the case. I thought it was his sexual inexperience talking, but I’ve also never pressured him.

I also felt like even if we didnt do that, it wouldnt be a big deal. And now, I regret not recognizing how important it was to me. It’s not even about the act, but the idea of my husband being so averse to me in that way, because of something I can no longer change.

It’s come up more than once since then, but a few months ago he directly compared it to “eating food covered in feces.” Even if you wash it, it’s still not the same. Hearing that broke my heart. It felt so demeaning in a way I’ve never felt before, and since then, I just feel so broken and numb. We are sexually intimate but we’ve never gone all the way. Now whenever we do stuff I just feel this disgust. To be honest, If he had said something like that before, I never would have married him.

The things that we do sexually are pretty limited to touching. I don’t really do oral on him, even though I really want to. It’s hard to do it knowing how he feels. He’s also ok with never receiving it. He has a fetish that we indulge in so that is sufficient for him. He uses his mouth on me sometimes but only anally, and it’s satisfying and unsatisfying at the same time. it’s hard because it isn’t what my body is craving, and anatomically they’re so close to each other. I would rather avoid anything mouth related altogether, but part of me is starting to get bored with just touching. I have no idea when we’ll actually have sex, he won’t tell me but doesnt feel like the time is right yet because we haven’t graduated college yet and he doesnt believe in abortion. So he wants to be in a different financial position before any babies are possible. I respect this and it took me more than 1 year to decide to have sex with my now ex bf. I will never rush him in that regard. The comments implying he could be gay for this are strange.

I want to respect his boundaries, and I also understand we come from a faith that values purity. I would never withhold sexual favors to push someone’s boundaries. But I just feel totally turned off. I cried every day for a month after he said the feces comment. He’s apologized and we moved on and I hate when it comes up because I just feel so sad again. I don’t want this to be the rest of my life, but I cant exactly divorce considering my faith.

I dont even know how to move forward. Even if we did it, at this point it wouldn’t be enjoyable for either party because there’s too much baggage. Part of me is bitter, and the other part has gotten the ick because it screams sexual immaturity. He’s essentially still viewing me as tainted but won’t admit it, and says he can still love me even without choosing to do certain things for me. I don’t even disagree with that concept, but it’s degrading as a woman to know that your husband would do more for you if you were a different woman. Please help me move on 🙁