My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for about 1.5 years. The first 6 months of our relationship, we had a very active sex life (1-2x daily) where we both initiated sex equally. After 6 months, she stopped taking birth control and suddenly lost her sex drive.
After she lost her drive, I continued to try initiating sex but was often turned down, which made me stop trying out of fear of rejection. Eventually, she tried initiating again, but my confidence had dropped so much that I developed performance anxiety. For the last year, she’s had very little sex drive, barely giving me sexual attention (e.g., letting me touch her or engaging in dirty talk). When we do try (about once a month), I struggle to stay hard because I’m so in my head. She started taking birth control again 2 months ago, but there’s been no change.
Yesterday, she told me she doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore and feels “icky” when I touch her sexually (anywhere near her boobs or vagina). She couldn’t explain why but gave me some general reasons:
- She is upset I don’t initiate sex – I’m unsure how, given she doesn’t like how I touch her. I’ve tried non-sexual gestures like giving back massages, cooking for her, and cleaning up, but they haven’t helped.
- She has ZERO recollection of us having a lot of sex at the start and is under the impression we’ve always had a lack of chemistry when it comes to sex – Once I started to jog her memory of various sexual moments between us that were “spontaneous” and initiated by me, she said she remembered them but that for some reason she couldn’t remember them on her own?
- She is upset I can’t stay hard and that I seem nervous – I told her I don’t feel very loved sexually because of her not really letting me touch her sexually or ever giving me sexual compliments and that it makes it hard for me to be aroused but i know i gotta fix this regardless
I’m really upset cause she was more kinky with past partners. Idk what I’m missing cause she’s NEVER talked dirty to me or had as high a sex drive even tho she did before me. I know sex drives change but it’s hard to not feel a bit jealous especially cause I have terrible retroactive jealousy lol.
She says she doesn’t like giving blowjobs anymore cause they hurt her jaw even tho she used to ask me to give me them and doesn’t really want me to eat her out/finger her. She says she doesn’t know whether her lack of sex drive/sexual attraction to me was solely because of my inability to stay hard or also for other factors.
She said she wants to stop all sexual activity for now and plans to see an OBGYN about her sex drive and also wants us to see a sex therapist together. Last week (before saying we should stop) she bought me a cock ring. I’m glad she at least wants to work it out but it’s really hard on my self esteem knowing she doesn’t find me sexually attractive.
TL;DR: My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for 1.5 years, but after the first 6 months, she lost her sex drive. I developed performance anxiety and now she says she doesn’t find me sexually attractive, feels “icky” when I touch her, and wants to stop all sexual activity until she sees an OBGYN and sex therapist with me
submitted by /u/Hckr_
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r/sex My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for about 1.5 years. The first 6 months of our relationship, we had a very active sex life (1-2x daily) where we both initiated sex equally. After 6 months, she stopped taking birth control and suddenly lost her sex drive. After she lost her drive, I continued to try initiating sex but was often turned down, which made me stop trying out of fear of rejection. Eventually, she tried initiating again, but my confidence had dropped so much that I developed performance anxiety. For the last year, she’s had very little sex drive, barely giving me sexual attention (e.g., letting me touch her or engaging in dirty talk). When we do try (about once a month), I struggle to stay hard because I’m so in my head. She started taking birth control again 2 months ago, but there’s been no change. Yesterday, she told me she doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore and feels “icky” when I touch her sexually (anywhere near her boobs or vagina). She couldn’t explain why but gave me some general reasons: She is upset I don’t initiate sex – I’m unsure how, given she doesn’t like how I touch her. I’ve tried non-sexual gestures like giving back massages, cooking for her, and cleaning up, but they haven’t helped. She has ZERO recollection of us having a lot of sex at the start and is under the impression we’ve always had a lack of chemistry when it comes to sex – Once I started to jog her memory of various sexual moments between us that were “spontaneous” and initiated by me, she said she remembered them but that for some reason she couldn’t remember them on her own? She is upset I can’t stay hard and that I seem nervous – I told her I don’t feel very loved sexually because of her not really letting me touch her sexually or ever giving me sexual compliments and that it makes it hard for me to be aroused but i know i gotta fix this regardless I’m really upset cause she was more kinky with past partners. Idk what I’m missing cause she’s NEVER talked dirty to me or had as high a sex drive even tho she did before me. I know sex drives change but it’s hard to not feel a bit jealous especially cause I have terrible retroactive jealousy lol. She says she doesn’t like giving blowjobs anymore cause they hurt her jaw even tho she used to ask me to give me them and doesn’t really want me to eat her out/finger her. She says she doesn’t know whether her lack of sex drive/sexual attraction to me was solely because of my inability to stay hard or also for other factors. She said she wants to stop all sexual activity for now and plans to see an OBGYN about her sex drive and also wants us to see a sex therapist together. Last week (before saying we should stop) she bought me a cock ring. I’m glad she at least wants to work it out but it’s really hard on my self esteem knowing she doesn’t find me sexually attractive. TL;DR: My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for 1.5 years, but after the first 6 months, she lost her sex drive. I developed performance anxiety and now she says she doesn’t find me sexually attractive, feels “icky” when I touch her, and wants to stop all sexual activity until she sees an OBGYN and sex therapist with me submitted by /u/Hckr_ [link] [comments]
My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for about 1.5 years. The first 6 months of our relationship, we had a very active sex life (1-2x daily) where we both initiated sex equally. After 6 months, she stopped taking birth control and suddenly lost her sex drive.
After she lost her drive, I continued to try initiating sex but was often turned down, which made me stop trying out of fear of rejection. Eventually, she tried initiating again, but my confidence had dropped so much that I developed performance anxiety. For the last year, she’s had very little sex drive, barely giving me sexual attention (e.g., letting me touch her or engaging in dirty talk). When we do try (about once a month), I struggle to stay hard because I’m so in my head. She started taking birth control again 2 months ago, but there’s been no change.
Yesterday, she told me she doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore and feels “icky” when I touch her sexually (anywhere near her boobs or vagina). She couldn’t explain why but gave me some general reasons:
- She is upset I don’t initiate sex – I’m unsure how, given she doesn’t like how I touch her. I’ve tried non-sexual gestures like giving back massages, cooking for her, and cleaning up, but they haven’t helped.
- She has ZERO recollection of us having a lot of sex at the start and is under the impression we’ve always had a lack of chemistry when it comes to sex – Once I started to jog her memory of various sexual moments between us that were “spontaneous” and initiated by me, she said she remembered them but that for some reason she couldn’t remember them on her own?
- She is upset I can’t stay hard and that I seem nervous – I told her I don’t feel very loved sexually because of her not really letting me touch her sexually or ever giving me sexual compliments and that it makes it hard for me to be aroused but i know i gotta fix this regardless
I’m really upset cause she was more kinky with past partners. Idk what I’m missing cause she’s NEVER talked dirty to me or had as high a sex drive even tho she did before me. I know sex drives change but it’s hard to not feel a bit jealous especially cause I have terrible retroactive jealousy lol.
She says she doesn’t like giving blowjobs anymore cause they hurt her jaw even tho she used to ask me to give me them and doesn’t really want me to eat her out/finger her. She says she doesn’t know whether her lack of sex drive/sexual attraction to me was solely because of my inability to stay hard or also for other factors.
She said she wants to stop all sexual activity for now and plans to see an OBGYN about her sex drive and also wants us to see a sex therapist together. Last week (before saying we should stop) she bought me a cock ring. I’m glad she at least wants to work it out but it’s really hard on my self esteem knowing she doesn’t find me sexually attractive.
TL;DR: My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for 1.5 years, but after the first 6 months, she lost her sex drive. I developed performance anxiety and now she says she doesn’t find me sexually attractive, feels “icky” when I touch her, and wants to stop all sexual activity until she sees an OBGYN and sex therapist with me
submitted by /u/Hckr_
[link] [comments]