Am I in the wrong here? My girlfriend likes very rough fingering as foreplay. But it ruins any sexual enjoyment on my end. /u/hiking_nerds Sex

I’m not going to going to detail but my girlfriend went through something pretty traumatic earlier in her life. But sexually she craves experiences that remind her what she went through.

And I’m not talking a finger. She likes 4+ fingers and it’s essentially the only way that she can get off. But after the fact it stretches her so much that I basically cannot feel anything. This gives me performance anxiety because when we don’t do this I can have an orgasm in minutes. But when we do can take over an hour sometimes and requires very specific angles for me to feel anything.

I’m completely okay with doing it after sex fyi. But the first time I brought this up to her she was completely against the idea. So the question that I’m asking here is would I be a jerk if I give her an ultimatum?

I’m not going to going to detail but my girlfriend went through something pretty traumatic earlier in her life. But sexually she craves experiences that remind her what she went through.

And I’m not talking a finger. She likes 4+ fingers and it’s essentially the only way that she can get off. But after the fact it stretches her so much that I basically cannot feel anything. This gives me performance anxiety because when we don’t do this I can have an orgasm in minutes. But when we do can take over an hour sometimes and requires very specific angles for me to feel anything.

I’m completely okay with doing it after sex fyi. But the first time I brought this up to her she was completely against the idea. So the question that I’m asking here is would I be a jerk if I give her an ultimatum?