Why am I rarely physically horny? /u/TimeTelevision9548 Sex

I’m 23F and with a great partner 24M on every avenue except for sexually at the moment. We have been together happily for over 2 years, living together for a majority of that time.

It has been a reoccurring conversation topic that he doesn’t feel like he is loved physically and that he feels like a pervert for wanting to do sexual things with me when I keep saying no to his advances. We used to be incredibly sexually active at the start of our relationship (a couple times a week) but it has steadily gone down to not even once a month. Recently I haven’t had any interest in sex or even being touched in a physical way. I’ll get very uncomfortable being touched or groped suddenly during foreplay and ask him to stop which he always does but it of course almost always ruins the vibe and the mood for the evening. He tried his best to hide how it hurts him but I can see it in him and later conversations have confirmed my suspicions.

I feel horrible for not meeting his needs but my body just rarely gets horny. I think about him a lot sexually and want to do sexual things but when it comes down to actually initiating and doing the do, I’m stuck. I think it’s a mixture of not being able to stay in the mood/having a wondering brain that finds topics that turn me off/randomly feeling uncomfortable with a thing I’m normally comfortable with but I’m really not certain. I have lots of dreams of doing things with him and when I’m away it’s often a comforting thought to imagine him doing sexual acts to me and me reciprocating before I fall asleep. I’m just so confused with the disconnect between my metal feelings towards sex and my physical feelings.

For some history, I had been in some previously toxic relationships (amounting to about 6 years between 3 partners) where a “no” wasn’t always respected and I know I’m still healing from that. But how can I go from fucking like a rabbit (along with a lot of other fun kinky shit that I loved) to not wanting any physical intimacy at all with my current partner? I don’t think about other people and wouldn’t dream of cheating on him. But I’m worried if I can’t give what he needs even with all of our great communication, we aren’t a good fit for the long run.

We have talked a lot about this and he has been explicitly clear that he never ever wants to force me to do something I’m not comfortable with. I feel safe around him and I’m so thankful he respects my boundaries. But at the same time I feel like I have to “fix” myself to better our relationship since we have literally been a fantastic fit in every other domain of our lives (except cooking, we both suck at cooking haha).

Any recommendations? Does this story resonate with anyone else? What helped you get your physical intimacy to match what you mentally want to do? Do I need to find a sex therapist? Get my hormones checked? I’m happy to provide any other clarification in the comments, I didn’t want to make this post any longer than it already is.

I’m 23F and with a great partner 24M on every avenue except for sexually at the moment. We have been together happily for over 2 years, living together for a majority of that time.

It has been a reoccurring conversation topic that he doesn’t feel like he is loved physically and that he feels like a pervert for wanting to do sexual things with me when I keep saying no to his advances. We used to be incredibly sexually active at the start of our relationship (a couple times a week) but it has steadily gone down to not even once a month. Recently I haven’t had any interest in sex or even being touched in a physical way. I’ll get very uncomfortable being touched or groped suddenly during foreplay and ask him to stop which he always does but it of course almost always ruins the vibe and the mood for the evening. He tried his best to hide how it hurts him but I can see it in him and later conversations have confirmed my suspicions.

I feel horrible for not meeting his needs but my body just rarely gets horny. I think about him a lot sexually and want to do sexual things but when it comes down to actually initiating and doing the do, I’m stuck. I think it’s a mixture of not being able to stay in the mood/having a wondering brain that finds topics that turn me off/randomly feeling uncomfortable with a thing I’m normally comfortable with but I’m really not certain. I have lots of dreams of doing things with him and when I’m away it’s often a comforting thought to imagine him doing sexual acts to me and me reciprocating before I fall asleep. I’m just so confused with the disconnect between my metal feelings towards sex and my physical feelings.

For some history, I had been in some previously toxic relationships (amounting to about 6 years between 3 partners) where a “no” wasn’t always respected and I know I’m still healing from that. But how can I go from fucking like a rabbit (along with a lot of other fun kinky shit that I loved) to not wanting any physical intimacy at all with my current partner? I don’t think about other people and wouldn’t dream of cheating on him. But I’m worried if I can’t give what he needs even with all of our great communication, we aren’t a good fit for the long run.

We have talked a lot about this and he has been explicitly clear that he never ever wants to force me to do something I’m not comfortable with. I feel safe around him and I’m so thankful he respects my boundaries. But at the same time I feel like I have to “fix” myself to better our relationship since we have literally been a fantastic fit in every other domain of our lives (except cooking, we both suck at cooking haha).

Any recommendations? Does this story resonate with anyone else? What helped you get your physical intimacy to match what you mentally want to do? Do I need to find a sex therapist? Get my hormones checked? I’m happy to provide any other clarification in the comments, I didn’t want to make this post any longer than it already is.