Recently single but I (28F) lack experience and flirting is really not my thing. How do I bring up sex with my dates? /u/itallwenttitsup Sex

I got out of a 7 year long-distance relationship almost 3 months ago. He was my first boyfriend and the only guy I even ever kissed. Of the 7 years we must’ve spent a cumulative 2.5 years physically together, but he often had sex drive issues due to depression and I was nothing but patient with him (I was there for 1 year at some point and we had sex maybe 5 times), those issues only got better after I left unfortunately and the subsequent shorter visits had a bit more action. The relationship ended because I found out he had been cheating on me for 5 months and in the texts I read the other girl was praising his sex drive etc. It’s hard not to take it personally.

Anyway, I know that objectively I’m not that ugly, I weigh 110 pounds and I’m average looking (nerdy look because of my glasses) but I get a lot of likes on Hinge. I’m extremely picky though as I can’t have sex with someone I don’t feel safe with and respected by, without having to be in a relationship.

I’ve been on 6 dates so far, and aside from one who tried to kiss me (he got denied because he didn’t look like his photos and I didn’t find him cute), the topic of attraction or sex did not come up at all. The vibe was good with a guy and we texted for a week after that, but he then told me he thought I was amazing but he wasn’t able to commit to any kind of relationship, casual or serious. Shame because I wanted to sleep with him, vibe was good, and to me that’s code for he didn’t find me attractive enough to pursue something and wants to let me down easy (I’ve used that excuse before). Could it have been because I keep things at surface level? I’m a friendly person and I just don’t know how to progress things. I feel so behind in dating experience, I just want to kiss someone else and see where things go.

I got out of a 7 year long-distance relationship almost 3 months ago. He was my first boyfriend and the only guy I even ever kissed. Of the 7 years we must’ve spent a cumulative 2.5 years physically together, but he often had sex drive issues due to depression and I was nothing but patient with him (I was there for 1 year at some point and we had sex maybe 5 times), those issues only got better after I left unfortunately and the subsequent shorter visits had a bit more action. The relationship ended because I found out he had been cheating on me for 5 months and in the texts I read the other girl was praising his sex drive etc. It’s hard not to take it personally.

Anyway, I know that objectively I’m not that ugly, I weigh 110 pounds and I’m average looking (nerdy look because of my glasses) but I get a lot of likes on Hinge. I’m extremely picky though as I can’t have sex with someone I don’t feel safe with and respected by, without having to be in a relationship.

I’ve been on 6 dates so far, and aside from one who tried to kiss me (he got denied because he didn’t look like his photos and I didn’t find him cute), the topic of attraction or sex did not come up at all. The vibe was good with a guy and we texted for a week after that, but he then told me he thought I was amazing but he wasn’t able to commit to any kind of relationship, casual or serious. Shame because I wanted to sleep with him, vibe was good, and to me that’s code for he didn’t find me attractive enough to pursue something and wants to let me down easy (I’ve used that excuse before). Could it have been because I keep things at surface level? I’m a friendly person and I just don’t know how to progress things. I feel so behind in dating experience, I just want to kiss someone else and see where things go.