I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) are both in college and meet often. While I’m a full-time student, his being a student is more of a side thing—he mostly makes money doing tech-related work for himself. He pays for all our dates, and while I’m grateful, it sometimes makes me feel bad about myself. To avoid putting any pressure on him, I don’t ask for anything specific when we go out to eat. I always let him choose what we’ll eat so he doesn’t have to pay for something he didn’t want. Now, here’s the problem I’m having: I look good, conventionally speaking, and my boyfriend appreciates my beauty. Our relationship is generally doing well, but the issue is there’s almost no intimacy. By that, I mean we don’t even hold hands, or touch in any way in public because he’s shy and concerned about how people will perceive us if we show PDA. If we’re sitting at a restaurant, he’ll let me hold his hand but after a minute , he’ll take out his hand. On a bigger scale, we go to a hotel once a year, and that’s when HE thinks it’s time to get intimate because now its been a year. He asks for nudes, and I send them hoping it might encourage him to get closer, but then nothing happens. Even when we go, it’s never planned. He’ll spontaneously ask me, and I’ll say yes (because idk when he’ll ask me again) even though I don’t feel prepared —maybe I haven’t shaved or I’m wearing a bleached panty. To avoid this, I’ve started shaving every second day, which has really irritated my skin atp,I wear uncomfortable but pretty underwear just in case he asks me to go, and I wear clothes that might get him excited, even if I feel like dressing casually. this works sometimes, he’ll say I look hot or get excited, but he never asks to go to the hotel. Other times, even if he says, “Let’s go,” he opens the website and immediately shuts the it after scrolling a bit . It feels embarrassing because I just said yes, and now I feel like I’ve shown him how desperate I am, only for nothing to happen. I’ve tried talking to him about it, that because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like he’s not attracted to me or might be asexual. He knows how important intimacy is to me. He said he feels shy at the hotel reception and reassures me that he loves me, but this is the same guy who kissed me openly in a nice restaurant (high-end one) but now he won’t do it at the same place. he wasnt shy back then? I can’t even rest my head on his shoulder now. We sext once in a while, and everything seems fine, but nothing ever actually happens. Even when we have sex, it isn’t great—I never finish, but I tell him I did so he’ll stop making ineffective efforts that don’t work for me. It feels like he’s not enthusiastic about me; he does it for my sake, but he doesn’t seem to enjoy anything that’s just for me. Despite this, I still want it because it’s the only time he’ll touch me. I’m exhausted from always being ready for it and nothing happening. But I love him, and I don’t want to mess up the relationship because of this. I can’t bring it up again because I’ve already spoken to him about it a 1000 times and it isn’t that he doesn’t know that I want this , and I’m talking about it any more will make me seem like a high-libido freak and put pressure on him to get intimate when he doesn’t want to. Please, can anyone help me with how I should deal with this?
(this is a throwaway account)
submitted by /u/No-Championship8984
[link] [comments]
r/sex I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) are both in college and meet often. While I’m a full-time student, his being a student is more of a side thing—he mostly makes money doing tech-related work for himself. He pays for all our dates, and while I’m grateful, it sometimes makes me feel bad about myself. To avoid putting any pressure on him, I don’t ask for anything specific when we go out to eat. I always let him choose what we’ll eat so he doesn’t have to pay for something he didn’t want. Now, here’s the problem I’m having: I look good, conventionally speaking, and my boyfriend appreciates my beauty. Our relationship is generally doing well, but the issue is there’s almost no intimacy. By that, I mean we don’t even hold hands, or touch in any way in public because he’s shy and concerned about how people will perceive us if we show PDA. If we’re sitting at a restaurant, he’ll let me hold his hand but after a minute , he’ll take out his hand. On a bigger scale, we go to a hotel once a year, and that’s when HE thinks it’s time to get intimate because now its been a year. He asks for nudes, and I send them hoping it might encourage him to get closer, but then nothing happens. Even when we go, it’s never planned. He’ll spontaneously ask me, and I’ll say yes (because idk when he’ll ask me again) even though I don’t feel prepared —maybe I haven’t shaved or I’m wearing a bleached panty. To avoid this, I’ve started shaving every second day, which has really irritated my skin atp,I wear uncomfortable but pretty underwear just in case he asks me to go, and I wear clothes that might get him excited, even if I feel like dressing casually. this works sometimes, he’ll say I look hot or get excited, but he never asks to go to the hotel. Other times, even if he says, “Let’s go,” he opens the website and immediately shuts the it after scrolling a bit . It feels embarrassing because I just said yes, and now I feel like I’ve shown him how desperate I am, only for nothing to happen. I’ve tried talking to him about it, that because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like he’s not attracted to me or might be asexual. He knows how important intimacy is to me. He said he feels shy at the hotel reception and reassures me that he loves me, but this is the same guy who kissed me openly in a nice restaurant (high-end one) but now he won’t do it at the same place. he wasnt shy back then? I can’t even rest my head on his shoulder now. We sext once in a while, and everything seems fine, but nothing ever actually happens. Even when we have sex, it isn’t great—I never finish, but I tell him I did so he’ll stop making ineffective efforts that don’t work for me. It feels like he’s not enthusiastic about me; he does it for my sake, but he doesn’t seem to enjoy anything that’s just for me. Despite this, I still want it because it’s the only time he’ll touch me. I’m exhausted from always being ready for it and nothing happening. But I love him, and I don’t want to mess up the relationship because of this. I can’t bring it up again because I’ve already spoken to him about it a 1000 times and it isn’t that he doesn’t know that I want this , and I’m talking about it any more will make me seem like a high-libido freak and put pressure on him to get intimate when he doesn’t want to. Please, can anyone help me with how I should deal with this? (this is a throwaway account) submitted by /u/No-Championship8984 [link] [comments]
I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) are both in college and meet often. While I’m a full-time student, his being a student is more of a side thing—he mostly makes money doing tech-related work for himself. He pays for all our dates, and while I’m grateful, it sometimes makes me feel bad about myself. To avoid putting any pressure on him, I don’t ask for anything specific when we go out to eat. I always let him choose what we’ll eat so he doesn’t have to pay for something he didn’t want. Now, here’s the problem I’m having: I look good, conventionally speaking, and my boyfriend appreciates my beauty. Our relationship is generally doing well, but the issue is there’s almost no intimacy. By that, I mean we don’t even hold hands, or touch in any way in public because he’s shy and concerned about how people will perceive us if we show PDA. If we’re sitting at a restaurant, he’ll let me hold his hand but after a minute , he’ll take out his hand. On a bigger scale, we go to a hotel once a year, and that’s when HE thinks it’s time to get intimate because now its been a year. He asks for nudes, and I send them hoping it might encourage him to get closer, but then nothing happens. Even when we go, it’s never planned. He’ll spontaneously ask me, and I’ll say yes (because idk when he’ll ask me again) even though I don’t feel prepared —maybe I haven’t shaved or I’m wearing a bleached panty. To avoid this, I’ve started shaving every second day, which has really irritated my skin atp,I wear uncomfortable but pretty underwear just in case he asks me to go, and I wear clothes that might get him excited, even if I feel like dressing casually. this works sometimes, he’ll say I look hot or get excited, but he never asks to go to the hotel. Other times, even if he says, “Let’s go,” he opens the website and immediately shuts the it after scrolling a bit . It feels embarrassing because I just said yes, and now I feel like I’ve shown him how desperate I am, only for nothing to happen. I’ve tried talking to him about it, that because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like he’s not attracted to me or might be asexual. He knows how important intimacy is to me. He said he feels shy at the hotel reception and reassures me that he loves me, but this is the same guy who kissed me openly in a nice restaurant (high-end one) but now he won’t do it at the same place. he wasnt shy back then? I can’t even rest my head on his shoulder now. We sext once in a while, and everything seems fine, but nothing ever actually happens. Even when we have sex, it isn’t great—I never finish, but I tell him I did so he’ll stop making ineffective efforts that don’t work for me. It feels like he’s not enthusiastic about me; he does it for my sake, but he doesn’t seem to enjoy anything that’s just for me. Despite this, I still want it because it’s the only time he’ll touch me. I’m exhausted from always being ready for it and nothing happening. But I love him, and I don’t want to mess up the relationship because of this. I can’t bring it up again because I’ve already spoken to him about it a 1000 times and it isn’t that he doesn’t know that I want this , and I’m talking about it any more will make me seem like a high-libido freak and put pressure on him to get intimate when he doesn’t want to. Please, can anyone help me with how I should deal with this?
(this is a throwaway account)
submitted by /u/No-Championship8984
[link] [comments]