Our sex life is the best it’s ever been after I went off birth control and got therapy, and he had a vasectomy. /u/little-princess129 Sex

My partner and I have been together over 5 years.

Backstory: When we first got together, I was involved in ddlg and he was not. Soon after we started dating, I went on birth control (Depo, the shot)

Our sex life started off pretty good. He was into ddlg lightly in the bedroom, which worked for me because I preferred soft doms. We did have arguments over the ddlg dynamics ourside of the bedroom. I wanted him to be more in control (reminding me to eat, telling me when I should go to bed/do chores, other similar things) but he said he couldn’t due to my stubbornness and anxiety after many bad relationships.

We continued light ddlg in the bedroom only and also threw in some petplay occasionally. About 2 years in, past trauma started coming up for me, and I started having trouble feeling aroused. I would get short with him during sex because he couldn’t read my mind and know what I wanted, and I couldn’t communicate. THEN I had orthopedic issues that resulted in needing needing a surgery. Before the surgery and after I could barely walk for around 9 months. I expressed to him that I felt guilty like I was letting him down because I wasn’t well enough mentally or physically to even give him a blowjob. But he told me I wasn’t obligated to do anything and that he loved me and knew I was just having a hard time.

A hard time is an understatement. I could barely be touched or kissed by him without wincing, either because of being in pain or due to trauma. I don’t want to get too much into my trauma. But I microdosed in 2023 and came to a lot of understandings about my childhood and young adult life I couldn’t before. I also started therapy in January.

After being on depo for 4 years, my primary care doctor recommended I go off of it and try another method in 2023. I tried a couple options with no luck. My boyfriend decided he was ready to get a vasectomy in 2024, since he has 2 young adult kids and does not want more. I gladly supported him, since I do not want kids.

After being off birth control for around 6 months, I finally got a period. After 9 months, my cycle started to be regular. It was weird experiencing the hormones, I have been on some sort of birth control since 6th grade due to ovarian cysts and I’ve never really learned my cycle. I started realizing the week before my period I get super agitated, and also about 5 days after my period I get crazy horny.

At first, I was maturbating a lot. I started looking at girl on girl porn and accepted I’m bisexual. This scared me because I had tried to come out to past partners, and they always made it about themselves. When I told my partner, he was so happy for me. He had 0 judgment or expectations.

THE FUN PART: Slowly, my partner and I started to have sex again after my periods started and he had his vasectomy. I told him I was no longer interested in ddlg after therapy and he wasn’t surprised after the progress I made emotionally and accepted it happily. Also with therapy, I realized I am not submissive at all. Quite the opposite actually. But years of being told I was too eager got to my head, so I felt like I had to be submissive. I talked to my boyfriend about how being eager was a bad thing when I was younger, but he told me he loves it so much to feel that wanted.

So our sex life has changed a lot. Instead of lying there annoyed he couldn’t read my mind and giving him mixed signals about whether I actually want to participate (which resulted a lot in both of us giving up) I push him back and get on top on him. I’ve done and said things I’ve been so scared and embarrassed to do in the past, like rubbing my pussy in his face and telling him I know he likes it or shaking my ass while giving him head so he can have a nice view. I feel confidence I’ve never felt before. When I don’t feel it, I tell him and get all the reassurance I need. Like when I was jerking him off and humping his leg, I felt insecure about my “O” face because of past comments by an ex. He helped me get through that moment of insecurity and then we made each other cum from oral. Last night, after I had an extremely hard day, I initiated a make out session and he made me orgasm my absolute favorite way, in missionary (laugh all you want but only 1 high school boyfriend was able to do it for me before and it’s my favorite) then he bent me over the bed so he could finish. We have been having sex up to 5 times a week when I’m in the horny week of my PMS cycle, which we never did before and I’ve never done in my life.

It’s funny, because when I was involved in ddlg online communities everyone made fun of “vanilla” people without kinks. But in a decade of ddlg I’ve never had sex so fulfilling, physically and emotionally. I feel so connected to my partner in a way I never have. I can barely look at his chest and belly without wanting to climb on top of him (hell yes, this girl loves his dad bod)

ANYWAYS I guess this post is long enough now 😅 but I guess my point is, a dry spell doesn’t always mean there is no hope. Love and be there for your partner, they might just surprise you.

My partner and I have been together over 5 years.

Backstory: When we first got together, I was involved in ddlg and he was not. Soon after we started dating, I went on birth control (Depo, the shot)

Our sex life started off pretty good. He was into ddlg lightly in the bedroom, which worked for me because I preferred soft doms. We did have arguments over the ddlg dynamics ourside of the bedroom. I wanted him to be more in control (reminding me to eat, telling me when I should go to bed/do chores, other similar things) but he said he couldn’t due to my stubbornness and anxiety after many bad relationships.

We continued light ddlg in the bedroom only and also threw in some petplay occasionally. About 2 years in, past trauma started coming up for me, and I started having trouble feeling aroused. I would get short with him during sex because he couldn’t read my mind and know what I wanted, and I couldn’t communicate. THEN I had orthopedic issues that resulted in needing needing a surgery. Before the surgery and after I could barely walk for around 9 months. I expressed to him that I felt guilty like I was letting him down because I wasn’t well enough mentally or physically to even give him a blowjob. But he told me I wasn’t obligated to do anything and that he loved me and knew I was just having a hard time.

A hard time is an understatement. I could barely be touched or kissed by him without wincing, either because of being in pain or due to trauma. I don’t want to get too much into my trauma. But I microdosed in 2023 and came to a lot of understandings about my childhood and young adult life I couldn’t before. I also started therapy in January.

After being on depo for 4 years, my primary care doctor recommended I go off of it and try another method in 2023. I tried a couple options with no luck. My boyfriend decided he was ready to get a vasectomy in 2024, since he has 2 young adult kids and does not want more. I gladly supported him, since I do not want kids.

After being off birth control for around 6 months, I finally got a period. After 9 months, my cycle started to be regular. It was weird experiencing the hormones, I have been on some sort of birth control since 6th grade due to ovarian cysts and I’ve never really learned my cycle. I started realizing the week before my period I get super agitated, and also about 5 days after my period I get crazy horny.

At first, I was maturbating a lot. I started looking at girl on girl porn and accepted I’m bisexual. This scared me because I had tried to come out to past partners, and they always made it about themselves. When I told my partner, he was so happy for me. He had 0 judgment or expectations.

THE FUN PART: Slowly, my partner and I started to have sex again after my periods started and he had his vasectomy. I told him I was no longer interested in ddlg after therapy and he wasn’t surprised after the progress I made emotionally and accepted it happily. Also with therapy, I realized I am not submissive at all. Quite the opposite actually. But years of being told I was too eager got to my head, so I felt like I had to be submissive. I talked to my boyfriend about how being eager was a bad thing when I was younger, but he told me he loves it so much to feel that wanted.

So our sex life has changed a lot. Instead of lying there annoyed he couldn’t read my mind and giving him mixed signals about whether I actually want to participate (which resulted a lot in both of us giving up) I push him back and get on top on him. I’ve done and said things I’ve been so scared and embarrassed to do in the past, like rubbing my pussy in his face and telling him I know he likes it or shaking my ass while giving him head so he can have a nice view. I feel confidence I’ve never felt before. When I don’t feel it, I tell him and get all the reassurance I need. Like when I was jerking him off and humping his leg, I felt insecure about my “O” face because of past comments by an ex. He helped me get through that moment of insecurity and then we made each other cum from oral. Last night, after I had an extremely hard day, I initiated a make out session and he made me orgasm my absolute favorite way, in missionary (laugh all you want but only 1 high school boyfriend was able to do it for me before and it’s my favorite) then he bent me over the bed so he could finish. We have been having sex up to 5 times a week when I’m in the horny week of my PMS cycle, which we never did before and I’ve never done in my life.

It’s funny, because when I was involved in ddlg online communities everyone made fun of “vanilla” people without kinks. But in a decade of ddlg I’ve never had sex so fulfilling, physically and emotionally. I feel so connected to my partner in a way I never have. I can barely look at his chest and belly without wanting to climb on top of him (hell yes, this girl loves his dad bod)

ANYWAYS I guess this post is long enough now 😅 but I guess my point is, a dry spell doesn’t always mean there is no hope. Love and be there for your partner, they might just surprise you.