Here’s the long and complicated story. My freshman year of college, I met my two best friends—let’s call them Liz and Rebecca. Instantly, we were inseparable. Now, as seniors, we’ve maintained a close friendship for three years. We’ve traveled together, worked together, and typically spent a few nights a week together. We all live off-campus now but separately: Liz lives in her sorority house, while Rebecca and I have apartments in different buildings.
When we moved off-campus junior year, Rebecca and I originally planned to live together. However, while we were apartment hunting, she told me she found a one-bedroom apartment she wanted and decided to take it. I didn’t think much of it and was happy she found a place she liked.
Looking back, I didn’t notice any red flags at the time. We were quite close, although now I realize she didn’t invest as much in the friendship as I did.
Junior year started as normal—going out, studying, and having fun as a trio. However, during the fall semester, Rebecca began losing a significant amount of weight. She used to have a curvier build, but when she started slimming down, she said she was on a diet, and we believed her. Unfortunately, the weight loss continued at an alarming rate.
We used to take turns having dinner at each other’s places, but suddenly, she started canceling every time. At work, she’d skip lunch, even telling someone she “doesn’t like pizza,” which was odd considering the three of us ate it every Sunday throughout freshman year. It quickly became clear her weight loss was not healthy. Now, she likely weighs around 95 pounds—far below her healthy set weight.
Not knowing how to help and worried about pushing her away, Liz and I met with our dean to discuss the situation and get guidance. We also wanted to make sure the health department was aware of her condition. Additionally, I spoke privately with Rebecca, avoiding direct references to the eating disorder but offering my support and acknowledging that I could tell she was struggling. Since I’m naturally very thin, I didn’t want to come off as judgmental or competitive, so I’ve avoided confronting her directly.
The eating disorder remains a deeply concerning issue.
She also seems to be insecure in other ways. She was never the most confident individual, but in the last year she has begun purchasing expensive makeup and clothing, but i’m pretty sure she returns all the clothing.
The Lies and Other Red Flags
Unfortunately, the eating disorder wasn’t the end of her struggles. One red flag Liz and I noticed was her refusal to use her real ID when going out, even after she turned 21. Instead, she continued using an old fake ID. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now I suspect she changed her permanent address to our college’s state and doesn’t want us to know. She’s never invited us to her apartment in the two years she’s lived there, despite it being the nicest out of all of ours. I initially thought maybe she didn’t have furniture, but she clearly does—she’s posted pictures.
We also suspect her mother may have moved in with her. Rebecca’s mom was interviewing for a job in our city, and we’ve noticed Rebecca never goes home for breaks anymore, which she always used to do. I’ve seen her confirm grocery lists with her mom and text her right before I drop her off at her apartment. When I asked about this, Rebecca denied it, though she looked shocked. She brushed it off, saying her mom was in another state and had been sick lately (she didn’t provide further details). Liz and I wouldn’t have any issue if her mom lived there—we’re just confused as to why she’s hiding it.
Suspiciously, Rebecca’s eating disorder began around the same time her mom potentially moved in. I worry her mom may be pressuring her in some way. They’re extremely close and constantly text, with Rebecca even sending her mom drafts of texts to boys. My relationship with my mom is different, so I’m not sure if this level of communication is normal, but it seems excessive. Her mom also frequently asks her to send pictures of herself when we’re out, which Rebecca always has us take. At first, it didn’t seem odd, but now it feels excessive.
Rebecca has continued lying and withdrawing from us. She often cancels plans last minute and didn’t even join us for our group Halloween costume. During a recent weekend trip, she seemed miserable and annoyed at everyone. She canceled on a dance, claiming her date was annoying her, even though they rarely talk.
She’s also lied about a man she’s been talking to. Last year, she and Liz went on a double date, and Rebecca claimed she and her guy stopped talking after a month. However, I’ve spoken to him, and they’ve actually been talking for a year. She even blocks him sporadically, including when he tried to visit her. Additionally, she planned for them to hang out with her friend Jess and her bf, but we are pretty sure these people don’t exist. We go to a fairly small school and cannot find them anywhere. She gave a long and complex story to him about being too busy and then blocked him. This was a few months ago. Now, just last week, she posted a picture from the event they were originally supposed to attend together, so, I’m sure they were together. While I’m not sure if she blocks Liz and me directly, she has ignored us for days. When we follow up, she only responds when confronted at work, where she has to see us.
The Breaking Point
Today, the situation came to a head. I tried to confirm our spring break trip, which Rebecca was initially excited about—she even brought it up a month or two ago. Liz quickly agreed, but Rebecca suddenly said she wasn’t going.
Liz finally broke and gently asked Rebecca what was going on, even asking if she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Rebecca confusingly claimed she thought we didn’t want to be friends, which is far from the truth—although, at this point, we’re both nearing that conclusion because of her behavior.
Rebecca said we could discuss everything in person, so I suggested we meet at her apartment tomorrow. Shockingly, she agreed, which is confusing since she hasn’t let us visit in two years. Liz and I suspect she might cancel last minute again.
I’m nervous about this conversation and filled with emotion. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend and the bond within our group. I also feel unfairly blamed despite our efforts to support her. Clearly, Rebecca is struggling with major mental health issues, and I genuinely want her to get help—not just to save our friendship, but to save herself.
The thing is, I don’t know how to confront this situation or her lies. Should I bring everything up so she can’t deny it all at once? Or should I focus on how her actions have hurt us? Regardless, I fear she’ll just deny everything. At this point, I’m beyond frustrated and want her to understand her actions aren’t okay. If she feels I’ve hurt her, I’m willing to hear her out, but Liz, who’s level-headed and fair, agrees with me entirely.
Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, I’d love to hear your theories on what might be going on.
submitted by /u/SoundOld2413
[link] [comments]
r/NoStupidQuestions Here’s the long and complicated story. My freshman year of college, I met my two best friends—let’s call them Liz and Rebecca. Instantly, we were inseparable. Now, as seniors, we’ve maintained a close friendship for three years. We’ve traveled together, worked together, and typically spent a few nights a week together. We all live off-campus now but separately: Liz lives in her sorority house, while Rebecca and I have apartments in different buildings. When we moved off-campus junior year, Rebecca and I originally planned to live together. However, while we were apartment hunting, she told me she found a one-bedroom apartment she wanted and decided to take it. I didn’t think much of it and was happy she found a place she liked. Looking back, I didn’t notice any red flags at the time. We were quite close, although now I realize she didn’t invest as much in the friendship as I did. Junior year started as normal—going out, studying, and having fun as a trio. However, during the fall semester, Rebecca began losing a significant amount of weight. She used to have a curvier build, but when she started slimming down, she said she was on a diet, and we believed her. Unfortunately, the weight loss continued at an alarming rate. We used to take turns having dinner at each other’s places, but suddenly, she started canceling every time. At work, she’d skip lunch, even telling someone she “doesn’t like pizza,” which was odd considering the three of us ate it every Sunday throughout freshman year. It quickly became clear her weight loss was not healthy. Now, she likely weighs around 95 pounds—far below her healthy set weight. Not knowing how to help and worried about pushing her away, Liz and I met with our dean to discuss the situation and get guidance. We also wanted to make sure the health department was aware of her condition. Additionally, I spoke privately with Rebecca, avoiding direct references to the eating disorder but offering my support and acknowledging that I could tell she was struggling. Since I’m naturally very thin, I didn’t want to come off as judgmental or competitive, so I’ve avoided confronting her directly. The eating disorder remains a deeply concerning issue. She also seems to be insecure in other ways. She was never the most confident individual, but in the last year she has begun purchasing expensive makeup and clothing, but i’m pretty sure she returns all the clothing. The Lies and Other Red Flags Unfortunately, the eating disorder wasn’t the end of her struggles. One red flag Liz and I noticed was her refusal to use her real ID when going out, even after she turned 21. Instead, she continued using an old fake ID. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now I suspect she changed her permanent address to our college’s state and doesn’t want us to know. She’s never invited us to her apartment in the two years she’s lived there, despite it being the nicest out of all of ours. I initially thought maybe she didn’t have furniture, but she clearly does—she’s posted pictures. We also suspect her mother may have moved in with her. Rebecca’s mom was interviewing for a job in our city, and we’ve noticed Rebecca never goes home for breaks anymore, which she always used to do. I’ve seen her confirm grocery lists with her mom and text her right before I drop her off at her apartment. When I asked about this, Rebecca denied it, though she looked shocked. She brushed it off, saying her mom was in another state and had been sick lately (she didn’t provide further details). Liz and I wouldn’t have any issue if her mom lived there—we’re just confused as to why she’s hiding it. Suspiciously, Rebecca’s eating disorder began around the same time her mom potentially moved in. I worry her mom may be pressuring her in some way. They’re extremely close and constantly text, with Rebecca even sending her mom drafts of texts to boys. My relationship with my mom is different, so I’m not sure if this level of communication is normal, but it seems excessive. Her mom also frequently asks her to send pictures of herself when we’re out, which Rebecca always has us take. At first, it didn’t seem odd, but now it feels excessive. Rebecca has continued lying and withdrawing from us. She often cancels plans last minute and didn’t even join us for our group Halloween costume. During a recent weekend trip, she seemed miserable and annoyed at everyone. She canceled on a dance, claiming her date was annoying her, even though they rarely talk. She’s also lied about a man she’s been talking to. Last year, she and Liz went on a double date, and Rebecca claimed she and her guy stopped talking after a month. However, I’ve spoken to him, and they’ve actually been talking for a year. She even blocks him sporadically, including when he tried to visit her. Additionally, she planned for them to hang out with her friend Jess and her bf, but we are pretty sure these people don’t exist. We go to a fairly small school and cannot find them anywhere. She gave a long and complex story to him about being too busy and then blocked him. This was a few months ago. Now, just last week, she posted a picture from the event they were originally supposed to attend together, so, I’m sure they were together. While I’m not sure if she blocks Liz and me directly, she has ignored us for days. When we follow up, she only responds when confronted at work, where she has to see us. The Breaking Point Today, the situation came to a head. I tried to confirm our spring break trip, which Rebecca was initially excited about—she even brought it up a month or two ago. Liz quickly agreed, but Rebecca suddenly said she wasn’t going. Liz finally broke and gently asked Rebecca what was going on, even asking if she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Rebecca confusingly claimed she thought we didn’t want to be friends, which is far from the truth—although, at this point, we’re both nearing that conclusion because of her behavior. Rebecca said we could discuss everything in person, so I suggested we meet at her apartment tomorrow. Shockingly, she agreed, which is confusing since she hasn’t let us visit in two years. Liz and I suspect she might cancel last minute again. I’m nervous about this conversation and filled with emotion. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend and the bond within our group. I also feel unfairly blamed despite our efforts to support her. Clearly, Rebecca is struggling with major mental health issues, and I genuinely want her to get help—not just to save our friendship, but to save herself. The thing is, I don’t know how to confront this situation or her lies. Should I bring everything up so she can’t deny it all at once? Or should I focus on how her actions have hurt us? Regardless, I fear she’ll just deny everything. At this point, I’m beyond frustrated and want her to understand her actions aren’t okay. If she feels I’ve hurt her, I’m willing to hear her out, but Liz, who’s level-headed and fair, agrees with me entirely. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, I’d love to hear your theories on what might be going on. submitted by /u/SoundOld2413 [link] [comments]
Here’s the long and complicated story. My freshman year of college, I met my two best friends—let’s call them Liz and Rebecca. Instantly, we were inseparable. Now, as seniors, we’ve maintained a close friendship for three years. We’ve traveled together, worked together, and typically spent a few nights a week together. We all live off-campus now but separately: Liz lives in her sorority house, while Rebecca and I have apartments in different buildings.
When we moved off-campus junior year, Rebecca and I originally planned to live together. However, while we were apartment hunting, she told me she found a one-bedroom apartment she wanted and decided to take it. I didn’t think much of it and was happy she found a place she liked.
Looking back, I didn’t notice any red flags at the time. We were quite close, although now I realize she didn’t invest as much in the friendship as I did.
Junior year started as normal—going out, studying, and having fun as a trio. However, during the fall semester, Rebecca began losing a significant amount of weight. She used to have a curvier build, but when she started slimming down, she said she was on a diet, and we believed her. Unfortunately, the weight loss continued at an alarming rate.
We used to take turns having dinner at each other’s places, but suddenly, she started canceling every time. At work, she’d skip lunch, even telling someone she “doesn’t like pizza,” which was odd considering the three of us ate it every Sunday throughout freshman year. It quickly became clear her weight loss was not healthy. Now, she likely weighs around 95 pounds—far below her healthy set weight.
Not knowing how to help and worried about pushing her away, Liz and I met with our dean to discuss the situation and get guidance. We also wanted to make sure the health department was aware of her condition. Additionally, I spoke privately with Rebecca, avoiding direct references to the eating disorder but offering my support and acknowledging that I could tell she was struggling. Since I’m naturally very thin, I didn’t want to come off as judgmental or competitive, so I’ve avoided confronting her directly.
The eating disorder remains a deeply concerning issue.
She also seems to be insecure in other ways. She was never the most confident individual, but in the last year she has begun purchasing expensive makeup and clothing, but i’m pretty sure she returns all the clothing.
The Lies and Other Red Flags
Unfortunately, the eating disorder wasn’t the end of her struggles. One red flag Liz and I noticed was her refusal to use her real ID when going out, even after she turned 21. Instead, she continued using an old fake ID. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now I suspect she changed her permanent address to our college’s state and doesn’t want us to know. She’s never invited us to her apartment in the two years she’s lived there, despite it being the nicest out of all of ours. I initially thought maybe she didn’t have furniture, but she clearly does—she’s posted pictures.
We also suspect her mother may have moved in with her. Rebecca’s mom was interviewing for a job in our city, and we’ve noticed Rebecca never goes home for breaks anymore, which she always used to do. I’ve seen her confirm grocery lists with her mom and text her right before I drop her off at her apartment. When I asked about this, Rebecca denied it, though she looked shocked. She brushed it off, saying her mom was in another state and had been sick lately (she didn’t provide further details). Liz and I wouldn’t have any issue if her mom lived there—we’re just confused as to why she’s hiding it.
Suspiciously, Rebecca’s eating disorder began around the same time her mom potentially moved in. I worry her mom may be pressuring her in some way. They’re extremely close and constantly text, with Rebecca even sending her mom drafts of texts to boys. My relationship with my mom is different, so I’m not sure if this level of communication is normal, but it seems excessive. Her mom also frequently asks her to send pictures of herself when we’re out, which Rebecca always has us take. At first, it didn’t seem odd, but now it feels excessive.
Rebecca has continued lying and withdrawing from us. She often cancels plans last minute and didn’t even join us for our group Halloween costume. During a recent weekend trip, she seemed miserable and annoyed at everyone. She canceled on a dance, claiming her date was annoying her, even though they rarely talk.
She’s also lied about a man she’s been talking to. Last year, she and Liz went on a double date, and Rebecca claimed she and her guy stopped talking after a month. However, I’ve spoken to him, and they’ve actually been talking for a year. She even blocks him sporadically, including when he tried to visit her. Additionally, she planned for them to hang out with her friend Jess and her bf, but we are pretty sure these people don’t exist. We go to a fairly small school and cannot find them anywhere. She gave a long and complex story to him about being too busy and then blocked him. This was a few months ago. Now, just last week, she posted a picture from the event they were originally supposed to attend together, so, I’m sure they were together. While I’m not sure if she blocks Liz and me directly, she has ignored us for days. When we follow up, she only responds when confronted at work, where she has to see us.
The Breaking Point
Today, the situation came to a head. I tried to confirm our spring break trip, which Rebecca was initially excited about—she even brought it up a month or two ago. Liz quickly agreed, but Rebecca suddenly said she wasn’t going.
Liz finally broke and gently asked Rebecca what was going on, even asking if she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Rebecca confusingly claimed she thought we didn’t want to be friends, which is far from the truth—although, at this point, we’re both nearing that conclusion because of her behavior.
Rebecca said we could discuss everything in person, so I suggested we meet at her apartment tomorrow. Shockingly, she agreed, which is confusing since she hasn’t let us visit in two years. Liz and I suspect she might cancel last minute again.
I’m nervous about this conversation and filled with emotion. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend and the bond within our group. I also feel unfairly blamed despite our efforts to support her. Clearly, Rebecca is struggling with major mental health issues, and I genuinely want her to get help—not just to save our friendship, but to save herself.
The thing is, I don’t know how to confront this situation or her lies. Should I bring everything up so she can’t deny it all at once? Or should I focus on how her actions have hurt us? Regardless, I fear she’ll just deny everything. At this point, I’m beyond frustrated and want her to understand her actions aren’t okay. If she feels I’ve hurt her, I’m willing to hear her out, but Liz, who’s level-headed and fair, agrees with me entirely.
Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, I’d love to hear your theories on what might be going on.
submitted by /u/SoundOld2413
[link] [comments]