Can’t have sex unless I top a guy? /u/Weird_Motor_4685 Sex

I (22F) came to the conclusion that I was asexual, none of my past sexual encounters with women/men did anything for me, I would get physically sick when progressing further than foreplay. It ruined my relationships as early as my first gf in hs. Tried counselling & many other things ect & eventually gave up.

Recently met a guy, we got close & one night things got out of hand on my couch (very unusual for me) but he took a more submissive role which made me more comfortable, I ended up on top of him and actually got off for probably one of the first times in my life. Felt crazy, that I must have been doing something wrong if it was this easy?

The next time he took the lead kissing me, it was fine but when he started undoing his pants I got nauseous like I used to, I felt so bad because I instinctively pushed him off (quite hard.) We had an awkward chat & I told him a little about my history with sex or lack of. He suggested that I try taking the lead instead, I felt so awful that I declined & we didn’t catch up for a while.

I saw him the other week & he ended up letting me take the lead to try it out, it went weirdly well & we had a break to talk before continuing. He told me to stop at all if it felt wrong, & that if it came down to it, I could ask him to do anything specific that might help me. We ended up having sex, at no time did I feel nauseous or repulsed or turned off. I ended up crying after because I was so happy but confused as to why I had never been able to have sex normally before.

We’ve done it again a few times but it only works when im the one doing everything, as soon as he starts doing anything I start having problems again. I haven’t gotten badly nauseous but I don’t understand why I can’t seem to get past it.

I’m worried that since we’re not dating or in a serious relationship that my sexual problems are a burden on him (considering we’ve only know eachother for a few months) I’m worried that things will go back to how they were before. That I might not be able to replicate this with someone else who isn’t willing to let me do everything. (Which is a lot to ask)

TL;DR thought I was asexual until a guy let me take the lead, only able to have sex now if completely in control, worried for the future

I (22F) came to the conclusion that I was asexual, none of my past sexual encounters with women/men did anything for me, I would get physically sick when progressing further than foreplay. It ruined my relationships as early as my first gf in hs. Tried counselling & many other things ect & eventually gave up.

Recently met a guy, we got close & one night things got out of hand on my couch (very unusual for me) but he took a more submissive role which made me more comfortable, I ended up on top of him and actually got off for probably one of the first times in my life. Felt crazy, that I must have been doing something wrong if it was this easy?

The next time he took the lead kissing me, it was fine but when he started undoing his pants I got nauseous like I used to, I felt so bad because I instinctively pushed him off (quite hard.) We had an awkward chat & I told him a little about my history with sex or lack of. He suggested that I try taking the lead instead, I felt so awful that I declined & we didn’t catch up for a while.

I saw him the other week & he ended up letting me take the lead to try it out, it went weirdly well & we had a break to talk before continuing. He told me to stop at all if it felt wrong, & that if it came down to it, I could ask him to do anything specific that might help me. We ended up having sex, at no time did I feel nauseous or repulsed or turned off. I ended up crying after because I was so happy but confused as to why I had never been able to have sex normally before.

We’ve done it again a few times but it only works when im the one doing everything, as soon as he starts doing anything I start having problems again. I haven’t gotten badly nauseous but I don’t understand why I can’t seem to get past it.

I’m worried that since we’re not dating or in a serious relationship that my sexual problems are a burden on him (considering we’ve only know eachother for a few months) I’m worried that things will go back to how they were before. That I might not be able to replicate this with someone else who isn’t willing to let me do everything. (Which is a lot to ask)

TL;DR thought I was asexual until a guy let me take the lead, only able to have sex now if completely in control, worried for the future