Is what I want unreasonable? /u/throwawayuglysim Sex

I am a 22 year old female thats still a virgin. Not for a lack of opportunities, but most likely due to my extreme anxiety and mild aversion to people’s bodies.

However, sometimes I’ll find someone I am actually attracted to and boy do I want them. Here is what always ends up happening.

“So, I really would like to be intimate with you, but I get very anxious. I struggle taking initiative the first time I do something and I dont like feeling like I have all the control. I would need you to take initiative and control and guide me. I dont watch any porn, never will, so I am completely clueless. If you leave it all up to me, I know it wont happen.”

The people I’ve dated, or been in relationships with have always been at least a few years older than me, and experienced with multiple previous partners.

“That’s okay I really enjoy taking initiative and being in control in the bedroom. I’ll make sure you feel comfortable.”

Great! Clear communication, I am sure we can now form a plan of attack. But no, this is where it always goes wrong.

Plan of attack:

“So i thought about it and here’s what we will do: i am going to lay/sit/stand here when you tell me to. Then I’ll just stay like that and you decide what you do with my body and you go on to explore. I’ll just stay still.”

And thats when i shut down. Because this sounds like the personification of hell. And when I tell them that this won’t work, or that if we take this approach I won’t be able to do anything, they just tell me it is okay and they will just simply wait for me to be ready (eventually).

I am not kidding that this exact plan has been proposed to me by five different people, after having the same conversation with each one. And guess who is still a virgin? Me. Guess I am winning the waiting game.

I’ve been thinking of just hiring an escort and getting it done that way. But I am almost convinced they will try to force the same approach on me. When I think of sex I think of it more of a two person thing, where its not one person just doing nothing and leaving it up to the other, unless it has clearly been stated thats what’s preferred. But maybe my view of this is entirely wrong?

And to clarify, once I’ve reached a certain stage of a sexual act with a partner that we’ve tried out and I now know how to do it, I am perfectly happy taking initiative. Just the first time or first few times, I need clear instructions and need someone else to take initiative and control.

I am a 22 year old female thats still a virgin. Not for a lack of opportunities, but most likely due to my extreme anxiety and mild aversion to people’s bodies.

However, sometimes I’ll find someone I am actually attracted to and boy do I want them. Here is what always ends up happening.

“So, I really would like to be intimate with you, but I get very anxious. I struggle taking initiative the first time I do something and I dont like feeling like I have all the control. I would need you to take initiative and control and guide me. I dont watch any porn, never will, so I am completely clueless. If you leave it all up to me, I know it wont happen.”

The people I’ve dated, or been in relationships with have always been at least a few years older than me, and experienced with multiple previous partners.

“That’s okay I really enjoy taking initiative and being in control in the bedroom. I’ll make sure you feel comfortable.”

Great! Clear communication, I am sure we can now form a plan of attack. But no, this is where it always goes wrong.

Plan of attack:

“So i thought about it and here’s what we will do: i am going to lay/sit/stand here when you tell me to. Then I’ll just stay like that and you decide what you do with my body and you go on to explore. I’ll just stay still.”

And thats when i shut down. Because this sounds like the personification of hell. And when I tell them that this won’t work, or that if we take this approach I won’t be able to do anything, they just tell me it is okay and they will just simply wait for me to be ready (eventually).

I am not kidding that this exact plan has been proposed to me by five different people, after having the same conversation with each one. And guess who is still a virgin? Me. Guess I am winning the waiting game.

I’ve been thinking of just hiring an escort and getting it done that way. But I am almost convinced they will try to force the same approach on me. When I think of sex I think of it more of a two person thing, where its not one person just doing nothing and leaving it up to the other, unless it has clearly been stated thats what’s preferred. But maybe my view of this is entirely wrong?

And to clarify, once I’ve reached a certain stage of a sexual act with a partner that we’ve tried out and I now know how to do it, I am perfectly happy taking initiative. Just the first time or first few times, I need clear instructions and need someone else to take initiative and control.