I’m embarrassed to cum in front of a man because they might find it unattractive. I realize this is silly. /u/turnip60 Sex

I’ve never cum from a partner, but I can cum perfectly fine on my own. I can’t really fully let go during sex. I know that I look weird when I cum, as do the majority of people, but I’m really afraid that if I cum in front of a man that I like that he’s going to be turned off by the faces or noises I make, which tbh are pretty run of the mill. Some asshole that I was seeing when I was 19 told me that he didn’t like my sex faces while we were going at it, and it unfortunately really stuck with me. When I cum I also sit straight up involuntarily or suddenly arch my back a ton. I just feel like it looks weird. Which is ridiculous, because I know logically that doing something like arching your back is considered hot. But I feel like I look off when it happens. On average, it takes me 10 to 20 minutes to cum. I’m really self conscious that I’m taking too long and that the guy feels like it’s a chore.

I’ve never had sex with someone what I’ve genuinely cared about or fully trusted, so I think that contributes to my inability to cum in front of someone. Also, I have a tendency to get with people that I’m actually not that attracted to. This is a terrible habit of mine and I’m working on it. No wonder I can’t cum when I’m sometimes actively repulsed by the person I’m having sex with. I find what turns me on embarrassing and overly gushy. I’m pretty kinky and I have a high libido, and I’m down to try most anything unless it involves shit or an excessive amount of pain. But honestly I get the most turned on when I feel genuinely cared about and desired by someone that genuinely gives me butterflies, regardless of what we’re engaging in. I know, I know. So scandalous. I only recently fully accepted this when I slept with a guy that I have intense chemistry with. I didn’t think about how I looked when experiencing pleasure nearly as much because I was way more into the sex and him.

I’ve realized that I can’t handle casual sex all that well. One night stands are one thing for me, but repeatedly sleeping with a FWB is taxing on me emotionally even when I objectively don’t like the person outside of sex. I feel extremely unchill and demanding for being like this. For so long I made being chill about casual sex a core tenant of my sexual life, so realizing that I’ve been lying to myself about this for years has been a lot to process. Soon after I realized this I essentially forced myself into a relationship with someone that I really didn’t click with on a deeper level because I mistakenly thought that I would enjoy relationship sex more. This was not the case. I wasn’t repulsed by this bf and at times I was genuinely turned on by him, but he and I were just not compatible on a variety of levels and the longer I was with him the less I wanted to have sex with him. He started to give me the ick and I tried to just ignore it because I was worried I was overreacting. He never made me cum. I did manage to cum in front of him once when I was really stoned and touching my clit while he fingered me. But honestly he had nothing to do with that because I was imagining something else the whole time.

I just needed to vent about this and see if anyone else is in this kind of predicament.

I’ve never cum from a partner, but I can cum perfectly fine on my own. I can’t really fully let go during sex. I know that I look weird when I cum, as do the majority of people, but I’m really afraid that if I cum in front of a man that I like that he’s going to be turned off by the faces or noises I make, which tbh are pretty run of the mill. Some asshole that I was seeing when I was 19 told me that he didn’t like my sex faces while we were going at it, and it unfortunately really stuck with me. When I cum I also sit straight up involuntarily or suddenly arch my back a ton. I just feel like it looks weird. Which is ridiculous, because I know logically that doing something like arching your back is considered hot. But I feel like I look off when it happens. On average, it takes me 10 to 20 minutes to cum. I’m really self conscious that I’m taking too long and that the guy feels like it’s a chore.

I’ve never had sex with someone what I’ve genuinely cared about or fully trusted, so I think that contributes to my inability to cum in front of someone. Also, I have a tendency to get with people that I’m actually not that attracted to. This is a terrible habit of mine and I’m working on it. No wonder I can’t cum when I’m sometimes actively repulsed by the person I’m having sex with. I find what turns me on embarrassing and overly gushy. I’m pretty kinky and I have a high libido, and I’m down to try most anything unless it involves shit or an excessive amount of pain. But honestly I get the most turned on when I feel genuinely cared about and desired by someone that genuinely gives me butterflies, regardless of what we’re engaging in. I know, I know. So scandalous. I only recently fully accepted this when I slept with a guy that I have intense chemistry with. I didn’t think about how I looked when experiencing pleasure nearly as much because I was way more into the sex and him.

I’ve realized that I can’t handle casual sex all that well. One night stands are one thing for me, but repeatedly sleeping with a FWB is taxing on me emotionally even when I objectively don’t like the person outside of sex. I feel extremely unchill and demanding for being like this. For so long I made being chill about casual sex a core tenant of my sexual life, so realizing that I’ve been lying to myself about this for years has been a lot to process. Soon after I realized this I essentially forced myself into a relationship with someone that I really didn’t click with on a deeper level because I mistakenly thought that I would enjoy relationship sex more. This was not the case. I wasn’t repulsed by this bf and at times I was genuinely turned on by him, but he and I were just not compatible on a variety of levels and the longer I was with him the less I wanted to have sex with him. He started to give me the ick and I tried to just ignore it because I was worried I was overreacting. He never made me cum. I did manage to cum in front of him once when I was really stoned and touching my clit while he fingered me. But honestly he had nothing to do with that because I was imagining something else the whole time.

I just needed to vent about this and see if anyone else is in this kind of predicament.