TW / resources for dealing with sexual and religious trauma /u/coIdwarkid Sex

Therapy isn’t an option as I’m from a strict religious country (premarital sex is strictly taboo) and therapists in my country generally suck. I’m not religious whatsoever but I have a combination of trauma resulting from childhood sexual abuse and growing up under a religiously extremist state telling me I’m worthless without my virginity and I deserve to be disowned (or worse if I do lose it), causing me to not be able to have sex or get too intimate with partners although I’m in my mid twenties and very much experience sexual attraction and feelings. But every time I try to get intimate with someone I experience immense guilt and sometimes panic. I realize I have to get therapy at some point but I wonder if anyone has some advice

Therapy isn’t an option as I’m from a strict religious country (premarital sex is strictly taboo) and therapists in my country generally suck. I’m not religious whatsoever but I have a combination of trauma resulting from childhood sexual abuse and growing up under a religiously extremist state telling me I’m worthless without my virginity and I deserve to be disowned (or worse if I do lose it), causing me to not be able to have sex or get too intimate with partners although I’m in my mid twenties and very much experience sexual attraction and feelings. But every time I try to get intimate with someone I experience immense guilt and sometimes panic. I realize I have to get therapy at some point but I wonder if anyone has some advice