just need to let this out /u/-nereida Sex

I (F18) think I have vaginismus.

Yesterday, for the first time, someone saw me naked, I was in the same bed as another guy and he was absolutely kind and trustworthy. I’m only around where I am for another week. I can’t have sex and never did. We only grinded against each other for hours. We saw each other naked. He was hard for many hours but didn’t want anything. I have 0 experience and just went with the flow when I decided to go to his place. I was just there to listen to his guitar playing and then I wanted to rest on the bed, let him as well and we started touching….it was such a long and pretty night. I think we were sexual 3 times all night? But I said no kissing as I haven’t had a first kiss yet and want it to be special. He tried touching me down there and I only liked it when it was like dry humping but when it was his actual fingers, I felt a gentle burn as if it was hurting. Do you think he could tell? I always knew I can’t finger myself. I use a vibrator for clitorial stimulation alone. I can still have intense orgasms but I badly wish I was like everyone else. Why can’t my body cooperate? I wish I can connect to such a point with this guy or another who think so much like me, is revolutionary like me, is generous and loving…of course, he isn’t the most active texter and I don’t know if he is dissapointed or something. I never told him I think I have this condition. How is it my fault 🥺 My childhood had cases of molestation and inappropriate touches with a ton of sexual shame and Zero sex Ed. I don’t know where to take it from here when I have no access to therapy or going back home in a week (gynecologist is out of question and telling anyone). Can I please understand if there’s people who’d still want me, understand me…or if I really am broken.

I (F18) think I have vaginismus.

Yesterday, for the first time, someone saw me naked, I was in the same bed as another guy and he was absolutely kind and trustworthy. I’m only around where I am for another week. I can’t have sex and never did. We only grinded against each other for hours. We saw each other naked. He was hard for many hours but didn’t want anything. I have 0 experience and just went with the flow when I decided to go to his place. I was just there to listen to his guitar playing and then I wanted to rest on the bed, let him as well and we started touching….it was such a long and pretty night. I think we were sexual 3 times all night? But I said no kissing as I haven’t had a first kiss yet and want it to be special. He tried touching me down there and I only liked it when it was like dry humping but when it was his actual fingers, I felt a gentle burn as if it was hurting. Do you think he could tell? I always knew I can’t finger myself. I use a vibrator for clitorial stimulation alone. I can still have intense orgasms but I badly wish I was like everyone else. Why can’t my body cooperate? I wish I can connect to such a point with this guy or another who think so much like me, is revolutionary like me, is generous and loving…of course, he isn’t the most active texter and I don’t know if he is dissapointed or something. I never told him I think I have this condition. How is it my fault 🥺 My childhood had cases of molestation and inappropriate touches with a ton of sexual shame and Zero sex Ed. I don’t know where to take it from here when I have no access to therapy or going back home in a week (gynecologist is out of question and telling anyone). Can I please understand if there’s people who’d still want me, understand me…or if I really am broken.