My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. In the beginning, we had sex all the time. I understand libido’s fluctuate and sometimes people go through periods where they just aren’t in the mood very often, and that’s totally normal and okay. My bf’s libido definitely seems to fluctuate and sometimes it can cause me to feel not as sexually desired by him.
We used to sext pretty often and now we never do. If I send him sexy pics he usually just is like “wow” then moves on to another topic. I have a hard time initiating because not only do I have anxiety, but pretty much everytime I have tried to initiate with him he rejects me. As a woman, I am not entirely used to being rejected sexually and it has caused me to feel a bit low about myself.
Whenever he initiates, it’s usually just him grinding on me when we wake up in the morning. There is usually little to no foreplay, at least for me. I give him head almost everytime we do stuff, but he never goes down on me unless it’s 69 – which is fun, but I don’t really feel like I’m truly getting off during it because I’m too focused on giving him head. He never really tries to get me to finish. I feel like when we have sex it’s usually all about his desires and kinks, rather than mine. Sometimes I worry that he might not be as sexually attracted to me because he’s bi and pretty much all the porn he watches is of trans women and I am a cis woman. I am bi as well, but sometimes I fear that I’m not doing enough for him because I’m not a trans woman.
We have not been having as much sex lately at all. I gave him head last Saturday morning, but that was it. No valentine’s day fun, nothing. He acknowledged yesterday that he realizes that we haven’t been having sex as much and apologized, saying he’s just been feeling really tired whenever he wants to do it. I appreciated this, but after going another day without doing anything, I decided I wanted to have a real conversation about it, expressing the gripes I have that I mentioned earlier.
He quickly got annoyed and frustrated with me wanting to talk about it, saying that I’m just making him feel pressured. This really hurt my feelings because I quite literally opened the conversation with “I’m not trying to make you feel bad or pressured”. That’s the last thing I wanted out of this conversation. I just figured the best thing to do in this situation was talk about how I’ve been feeling rather than bottling it up or waiting for things to get better. He told me that now, there is no way that he cannot feel pressured and the next time we have sex he will feel that way. I told him that that’s no fun for either party, and I personally feel like it’s borderline non-consensual if he feels “pressured” to have sex with me. He also mentioned that it was not a good thing for me to talk about it because of this and that now everything “falls on him”, considering I do not initiate enough. I told him why I don’t initiate enough but he still insisted it was my fault for not doing so. Now, he’s implying that since we’ll be home alone all weekend we definitely will have sex. But now, I don’t even want to have sex with him if it’s just going to be out of guilt or pressure. Like the title says, made me feel extremely guilty and in the wrong for bringing up how I’ve been feeling. I just feel like nothing good came out of that conversation and I really do not know where to go from here.
submitted by /u/throwra4783
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r/sex My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. In the beginning, we had sex all the time. I understand libido’s fluctuate and sometimes people go through periods where they just aren’t in the mood very often, and that’s totally normal and okay. My bf’s libido definitely seems to fluctuate and sometimes it can cause me to feel not as sexually desired by him. We used to sext pretty often and now we never do. If I send him sexy pics he usually just is like “wow” then moves on to another topic. I have a hard time initiating because not only do I have anxiety, but pretty much everytime I have tried to initiate with him he rejects me. As a woman, I am not entirely used to being rejected sexually and it has caused me to feel a bit low about myself. Whenever he initiates, it’s usually just him grinding on me when we wake up in the morning. There is usually little to no foreplay, at least for me. I give him head almost everytime we do stuff, but he never goes down on me unless it’s 69 – which is fun, but I don’t really feel like I’m truly getting off during it because I’m too focused on giving him head. He never really tries to get me to finish. I feel like when we have sex it’s usually all about his desires and kinks, rather than mine. Sometimes I worry that he might not be as sexually attracted to me because he’s bi and pretty much all the porn he watches is of trans women and I am a cis woman. I am bi as well, but sometimes I fear that I’m not doing enough for him because I’m not a trans woman. We have not been having as much sex lately at all. I gave him head last Saturday morning, but that was it. No valentine’s day fun, nothing. He acknowledged yesterday that he realizes that we haven’t been having sex as much and apologized, saying he’s just been feeling really tired whenever he wants to do it. I appreciated this, but after going another day without doing anything, I decided I wanted to have a real conversation about it, expressing the gripes I have that I mentioned earlier. He quickly got annoyed and frustrated with me wanting to talk about it, saying that I’m just making him feel pressured. This really hurt my feelings because I quite literally opened the conversation with “I’m not trying to make you feel bad or pressured”. That’s the last thing I wanted out of this conversation. I just figured the best thing to do in this situation was talk about how I’ve been feeling rather than bottling it up or waiting for things to get better. He told me that now, there is no way that he cannot feel pressured and the next time we have sex he will feel that way. I told him that that’s no fun for either party, and I personally feel like it’s borderline non-consensual if he feels “pressured” to have sex with me. He also mentioned that it was not a good thing for me to talk about it because of this and that now everything “falls on him”, considering I do not initiate enough. I told him why I don’t initiate enough but he still insisted it was my fault for not doing so. Now, he’s implying that since we’ll be home alone all weekend we definitely will have sex. But now, I don’t even want to have sex with him if it’s just going to be out of guilt or pressure. Like the title says, made me feel extremely guilty and in the wrong for bringing up how I’ve been feeling. I just feel like nothing good came out of that conversation and I really do not know where to go from here. submitted by /u/throwra4783 [link] [comments]
My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. In the beginning, we had sex all the time. I understand libido’s fluctuate and sometimes people go through periods where they just aren’t in the mood very often, and that’s totally normal and okay. My bf’s libido definitely seems to fluctuate and sometimes it can cause me to feel not as sexually desired by him.
We used to sext pretty often and now we never do. If I send him sexy pics he usually just is like “wow” then moves on to another topic. I have a hard time initiating because not only do I have anxiety, but pretty much everytime I have tried to initiate with him he rejects me. As a woman, I am not entirely used to being rejected sexually and it has caused me to feel a bit low about myself.
Whenever he initiates, it’s usually just him grinding on me when we wake up in the morning. There is usually little to no foreplay, at least for me. I give him head almost everytime we do stuff, but he never goes down on me unless it’s 69 – which is fun, but I don’t really feel like I’m truly getting off during it because I’m too focused on giving him head. He never really tries to get me to finish. I feel like when we have sex it’s usually all about his desires and kinks, rather than mine. Sometimes I worry that he might not be as sexually attracted to me because he’s bi and pretty much all the porn he watches is of trans women and I am a cis woman. I am bi as well, but sometimes I fear that I’m not doing enough for him because I’m not a trans woman.
We have not been having as much sex lately at all. I gave him head last Saturday morning, but that was it. No valentine’s day fun, nothing. He acknowledged yesterday that he realizes that we haven’t been having sex as much and apologized, saying he’s just been feeling really tired whenever he wants to do it. I appreciated this, but after going another day without doing anything, I decided I wanted to have a real conversation about it, expressing the gripes I have that I mentioned earlier.
He quickly got annoyed and frustrated with me wanting to talk about it, saying that I’m just making him feel pressured. This really hurt my feelings because I quite literally opened the conversation with “I’m not trying to make you feel bad or pressured”. That’s the last thing I wanted out of this conversation. I just figured the best thing to do in this situation was talk about how I’ve been feeling rather than bottling it up or waiting for things to get better. He told me that now, there is no way that he cannot feel pressured and the next time we have sex he will feel that way. I told him that that’s no fun for either party, and I personally feel like it’s borderline non-consensual if he feels “pressured” to have sex with me. He also mentioned that it was not a good thing for me to talk about it because of this and that now everything “falls on him”, considering I do not initiate enough. I told him why I don’t initiate enough but he still insisted it was my fault for not doing so. Now, he’s implying that since we’ll be home alone all weekend we definitely will have sex. But now, I don’t even want to have sex with him if it’s just going to be out of guilt or pressure. Like the title says, made me feel extremely guilty and in the wrong for bringing up how I’ve been feeling. I just feel like nothing good came out of that conversation and I really do not know where to go from here.
submitted by /u/throwra4783
[link] [comments]