Suffering from really bad retroactive sexual jealousy with my partner(s) when dating, how do I overcome it? /u/Elder_Mushroom Sex

I (23m) feel like a bit of a terrible person admitting this, but I have a very hard time coming to terms with the sexual pasts of my partners or gfs/bfs I end up dating.

It is very hypocritical in my case because I’m an otherwise pretty candid, open, and transparent person when it comes to being able to talk about my own sexual past, but especially since I’m also no stranger to casual sex and one night stands myself, and I’ve certainly dated other people before. But whenever I hear about it from someone I happen to be dating or in a relationship with, I get so irrationally jealous, anxious, and resentful to the extent that I will literally feel physically sick. One time an ex-girlfriend of mine from highschool opened up to me about her prior hook ups and relationship unprompted, and I instantly felt nauseous and had to make up some excuse to go to the toilet, the conversation practically threw me into convulsions, I felt as if I needed to hurl, it nearly choked me in some sense. I’ve been trying to hide this because jealousy’s pretty horrible on me mentally and physically with my kind of active imagniation, that, and I guess it’s just not a great look either. However, it occasionally comes out and it’s never pretty, I turn into this passive aggressive and bitter asshole who feels the need to insult, devalue, or denigrate their past in some way. Thankfully, It’s gotten better over the years to the point where I can hear about people’s exes and past relationships and not feel any jealousy at all, but I’ve never quite been able to hack it with mentions of casual sex or hookups, it just generally comes in bouts especially with people I feel pretty attached to. I also grew up in a pretty conservative household where sex wasn’t really talked about, or if it was it was, it was seen as a dreadfully serious thing, ultra hyped up in importance and conflated with love and exclusivity, so I’ve wondered if my upbringing could have a role in why I get the feelings I do. I’ve looked into talking to a psychiatrist about this, but getting a hold of a shrink where I live is pretty challenging.

I know that this behaviour on my part is completely irrational, hypocritical, and frankly has me being the archetypal insecure asshole. So I guess I just want to know how common these feelings are, and what I can do about them?

tldr; I’m a hypocritical dickhead who can’t hear about people’s sexual pasts without getting anxious and jealous, how common is this? And how do you deal with it in order to overcome it?

I (23m) feel like a bit of a terrible person admitting this, but I have a very hard time coming to terms with the sexual pasts of my partners or gfs/bfs I end up dating.

It is very hypocritical in my case because I’m an otherwise pretty candid, open, and transparent person when it comes to being able to talk about my own sexual past, but especially since I’m also no stranger to casual sex and one night stands myself, and I’ve certainly dated other people before. But whenever I hear about it from someone I happen to be dating or in a relationship with, I get so irrationally jealous, anxious, and resentful to the extent that I will literally feel physically sick. One time an ex-girlfriend of mine from highschool opened up to me about her prior hook ups and relationship unprompted, and I instantly felt nauseous and had to make up some excuse to go to the toilet, the conversation practically threw me into convulsions, I felt as if I needed to hurl, it nearly choked me in some sense. I’ve been trying to hide this because jealousy’s pretty horrible on me mentally and physically with my kind of active imagniation, that, and I guess it’s just not a great look either. However, it occasionally comes out and it’s never pretty, I turn into this passive aggressive and bitter asshole who feels the need to insult, devalue, or denigrate their past in some way. Thankfully, It’s gotten better over the years to the point where I can hear about people’s exes and past relationships and not feel any jealousy at all, but I’ve never quite been able to hack it with mentions of casual sex or hookups, it just generally comes in bouts especially with people I feel pretty attached to. I also grew up in a pretty conservative household where sex wasn’t really talked about, or if it was it was, it was seen as a dreadfully serious thing, ultra hyped up in importance and conflated with love and exclusivity, so I’ve wondered if my upbringing could have a role in why I get the feelings I do. I’ve looked into talking to a psychiatrist about this, but getting a hold of a shrink where I live is pretty challenging.

I know that this behaviour on my part is completely irrational, hypocritical, and frankly has me being the archetypal insecure asshole. So I guess I just want to know how common these feelings are, and what I can do about them?

tldr; I’m a hypocritical dickhead who can’t hear about people’s sexual pasts without getting anxious and jealous, how common is this? And how do you deal with it in order to overcome it?