When it comes to pleasure, my boyfriend is too concerned about size /u/cinnamon9801 Sex

Sometimes my boyfriend and I will talk about what we like in bed, and my boyfriend will often state he wants to pleasure me more.

I appreciate the sentiment, but he will often follow up the conversation with or randomly bring up his penis size. He will tell me he wants to be bigger for me (even though he is already very well endowed, and I am small, so, I already get pleasure from his size). I have clearly communicated to him several times, each time he brings this up, that I am satisfied with his size. He will still want to try pumps and pills and rings to feel fuller inside me. I have let him try these things with me, and they can be fun, but I only do it per his request and not for my own true interest. I don’t believe they are necessary for my pleasure. I have explicitly said that too, and explained that if we use these “size-enhancing” toys or endurance enhancing pills that this will be for him, and it won’t make a big difference for me.

Now I understand men receive a lot of social influencing that tells them “bigger is better”, so on one hand I can see where this hyperfixation originates. So during these conversations I will explicitly acknowledge that even though this is a concern for him, he shouldn’t be attaching too much value on size or just penetration in general. On the other hand, I’m feeling very sexually frustrated currently. During these discussions, or even in a separate discussion, I will state that if he really wants to do more for me in bed, I would like to try to be kinkier. I will ask for light binding and some spanking or whipping. Collars too. Anal too. And I LOVE oral sex, receiving and giving, but he’s not keen on giving oral. He will state he will try these things, even the oral, with me but when the time comes, we don’t. He will state that he’s usually very vanilla. He’s very good with his hands, but that’s really the only variation of foreplay I receive before penetration. The penetration and the manual foreplay is very pleasurable, but I desire more variety in foreplay and sensations.

The fact that he focuses so often on getting his penis bigger and so little on trying the things I like makes me feel unheard. It’s even more frustrating that I will give him all the types of stimulation he likes, like oral and vaginal and manual, but he won’t even indulge me with oral (which I think is the most vanilla request I have made). I’ll ask him why he focuses on one aspect of sex that I don’t care about as much when I explicitly state what I want. His usual response is “Oh, yeah, I will do it.” He will also state something to the effect of, “Why should I try oral when you get so much pleasure from my hands and cock?” To which I will often respond, “Do you like my hjs? Do you like my bjs? If you like me giving you both then you should understand why I also like and want both oral and manual stimulation.” He will state he understands my requests, but I get no follow through.

My question is, how else can I approach this issue with him? How many times do I have to reassure him I’m happy with his size? And how often should I ask for what I want, VERY explicitly, before I should just give up and drop those expectations? I feel I’ve been very direct with my wishes and very understanding with his hangups, but I often feel like not even my direct communication is enough to get past this.

Sometimes my boyfriend and I will talk about what we like in bed, and my boyfriend will often state he wants to pleasure me more.

I appreciate the sentiment, but he will often follow up the conversation with or randomly bring up his penis size. He will tell me he wants to be bigger for me (even though he is already very well endowed, and I am small, so, I already get pleasure from his size). I have clearly communicated to him several times, each time he brings this up, that I am satisfied with his size. He will still want to try pumps and pills and rings to feel fuller inside me. I have let him try these things with me, and they can be fun, but I only do it per his request and not for my own true interest. I don’t believe they are necessary for my pleasure. I have explicitly said that too, and explained that if we use these “size-enhancing” toys or endurance enhancing pills that this will be for him, and it won’t make a big difference for me.

Now I understand men receive a lot of social influencing that tells them “bigger is better”, so on one hand I can see where this hyperfixation originates. So during these conversations I will explicitly acknowledge that even though this is a concern for him, he shouldn’t be attaching too much value on size or just penetration in general. On the other hand, I’m feeling very sexually frustrated currently. During these discussions, or even in a separate discussion, I will state that if he really wants to do more for me in bed, I would like to try to be kinkier. I will ask for light binding and some spanking or whipping. Collars too. Anal too. And I LOVE oral sex, receiving and giving, but he’s not keen on giving oral. He will state he will try these things, even the oral, with me but when the time comes, we don’t. He will state that he’s usually very vanilla. He’s very good with his hands, but that’s really the only variation of foreplay I receive before penetration. The penetration and the manual foreplay is very pleasurable, but I desire more variety in foreplay and sensations.

The fact that he focuses so often on getting his penis bigger and so little on trying the things I like makes me feel unheard. It’s even more frustrating that I will give him all the types of stimulation he likes, like oral and vaginal and manual, but he won’t even indulge me with oral (which I think is the most vanilla request I have made). I’ll ask him why he focuses on one aspect of sex that I don’t care about as much when I explicitly state what I want. His usual response is “Oh, yeah, I will do it.” He will also state something to the effect of, “Why should I try oral when you get so much pleasure from my hands and cock?” To which I will often respond, “Do you like my hjs? Do you like my bjs? If you like me giving you both then you should understand why I also like and want both oral and manual stimulation.” He will state he understands my requests, but I get no follow through.

My question is, how else can I approach this issue with him? How many times do I have to reassure him I’m happy with his size? And how often should I ask for what I want, VERY explicitly, before I should just give up and drop those expectations? I feel I’ve been very direct with my wishes and very understanding with his hangups, but I often feel like not even my direct communication is enough to get past this.