TW SA Sex feels like a weapon /u/mb1888 Sex

I (27F) was raped and ever since cannot help but see sex as a weapon. I’m not saying that every time since has been unwanted – on the contrary actually. But as a whole I feel like the power dynamics of my own sexuality have completely shifted. Like a little piece of my soul is broken off each time. After my assault, I think I used promiscuity as a mask. I sought to “reclaim” myself but deep down was actually trying to hurt myself in the same manner that I was previously traumatized (eg. dominant, violent sex). I am still processing all of these events and haven’t been able to find those who truly understand. It’s an incredibly alienating experience being at war with your own mind. I hope that someone out there can relate.

I (27F) was raped and ever since cannot help but see sex as a weapon. I’m not saying that every time since has been unwanted – on the contrary actually. But as a whole I feel like the power dynamics of my own sexuality have completely shifted. Like a little piece of my soul is broken off each time. After my assault, I think I used promiscuity as a mask. I sought to “reclaim” myself but deep down was actually trying to hurt myself in the same manner that I was previously traumatized (eg. dominant, violent sex). I am still processing all of these events and haven’t been able to find those who truly understand. It’s an incredibly alienating experience being at war with your own mind. I hope that someone out there can relate.