Should I see a therapist about my fetish? /u/ComedianCold4432 Sex

For as long as i’ve watched porn, its always been watching women wet themselves, it even started before i watched porn, like a lot of children do i didn’t make it to the bathroom sometimes but i was over it before i was five, but i remember it vividly and it upsets me still, as a kid my biggest fear was always not making it so it was something always on my mind, then when i was around ten/eleven years old i started looking at videos of it happening to women, started out as just stupid videos, then unknowingly i turned to softcore videos and then after a while, puberty hit and i was already wired in, and for fifteen years now, thats kind of been it, i was always keeping my head down when my friends discussed porn because i didnt want to let on that i didnt know what bukakes or cream pies were, but what was true then, is true now, as much as it gets me hard, it also sickens me, these videos mimic scenarios of horrible situations, but what also hurts it for me is invariably my mind reminds me of why i had this fetish in the first place and then im going back on childhood memories id rather forget, my other problem is whenever i read up on this the overwhelming narrative is that i should just accept it because im not hurting anyone but the truth is it hurts me, as soon as i orgasm i realise how filthy what im watching is, like it is really gross when you think about it, and unlike some with this fetish getting a partner who would pee in front of me does not turn me on at all, i just like these scenario vidoes, but the few minutes spent on the porn is weighed down with how much im sickened by it the rest of the time, im currently dating a beautiful woman who i find very sexually captivating, sometimes with previous partners id have trouble climaxing without visualising the videos but if i abstain from masturebating for a few days thats no issue with her, every month, every year, i try make it be the month/year i give it up, and this year i havent looked at it once, but 41 days later its still on my mind a lot and i have come dangerously close to relapsing and trying to watch softer, more traditional porn where people actually have sex just does not hit the same way, so i think it might be time to get help but i just wanted to write it out first because i have never spoken to anyone about this, not once

For as long as i’ve watched porn, its always been watching women wet themselves, it even started before i watched porn, like a lot of children do i didn’t make it to the bathroom sometimes but i was over it before i was five, but i remember it vividly and it upsets me still, as a kid my biggest fear was always not making it so it was something always on my mind, then when i was around ten/eleven years old i started looking at videos of it happening to women, started out as just stupid videos, then unknowingly i turned to softcore videos and then after a while, puberty hit and i was already wired in, and for fifteen years now, thats kind of been it, i was always keeping my head down when my friends discussed porn because i didnt want to let on that i didnt know what bukakes or cream pies were, but what was true then, is true now, as much as it gets me hard, it also sickens me, these videos mimic scenarios of horrible situations, but what also hurts it for me is invariably my mind reminds me of why i had this fetish in the first place and then im going back on childhood memories id rather forget, my other problem is whenever i read up on this the overwhelming narrative is that i should just accept it because im not hurting anyone but the truth is it hurts me, as soon as i orgasm i realise how filthy what im watching is, like it is really gross when you think about it, and unlike some with this fetish getting a partner who would pee in front of me does not turn me on at all, i just like these scenario vidoes, but the few minutes spent on the porn is weighed down with how much im sickened by it the rest of the time, im currently dating a beautiful woman who i find very sexually captivating, sometimes with previous partners id have trouble climaxing without visualising the videos but if i abstain from masturebating for a few days thats no issue with her, every month, every year, i try make it be the month/year i give it up, and this year i havent looked at it once, but 41 days later its still on my mind a lot and i have come dangerously close to relapsing and trying to watch softer, more traditional porn where people actually have sex just does not hit the same way, so i think it might be time to get help but i just wanted to write it out first because i have never spoken to anyone about this, not once