People who’ve successfully overcame their (SA) trauma: What are your tips for relationships? /u/Kolbenfresserle Sex

Recently, I was told there is basically no proper therapy in my area for me. I have a laundry list of issues. Depression, MDD etc. Though nothing fucks me up more than my CPTSD from my partial CSA (“partial” because it was never fully rape, or sexually charged). Now I want to obviously have to have relationship… but I have no ideas how to communicate or overcome my issues, to the point I wonder if it just create more pain for others.

For one, there’s the usual touch issue. Don’t get me wrong -I can get touched to a degree. But anything longer like hugs or cuddling suddenly starts the alarm that it’s inappropriate, or that I’m trapped. Plus I’m so used to being isolated for the past few years that my body isn’t used to getting touched at all. Hence doubling down the effect.

Second thing is my hypervigilance. Which kinda plays into 1.) But I give it a special spotlight. I have a huge survival instinct. I can’t even go to sleep normally -I have to check the room 3 times by sitting up and laying down before I can sleep. If I’m paranoid it can even give me instinctive thought like someone who doesn’t like me is trying to kill me with cookies etc. Which in this context… is connected to expressions of sexual attraction. Sensual attraction makes me feel nice, but sexual attraction makes me feel hunted. Even if meant well. It gives me the feeling the person will break boundaries or have no problem violating me. (Note: I never express these intrusive thoughts or accuse anyone. I just have them).

I always thought that things could just get better if I go to therapy. But that’s not possible, is it now? Luckily, I know that there are potential some ways to combat my problems. Like, if someone touches me without hurting me several times, my body starts to slowly turn down the sirens in regards to them.

Problem is: That takes a long ass time. And it’s notable

Problem Deux: I have no fucking clue how to communicate that. (I mean the second one literally by the way. I can’t talk about my CSA issues verbally.)

My biggest issue is the current guilt I feel. I know that most people can’t wait forever. And even more that good, honest partners feel a shitton of guilt and bad feelings when they learn about this stuff. I don’t want to base a relationship on someone feeling sorry for me and having to coddle me all the time.

Any tips to overcome this? Any hopeful stories? Sorry, I know it might not be the best sub, but it’s a sex-related issue, so I thought it kinda fit, idk

Recently, I was told there is basically no proper therapy in my area for me. I have a laundry list of issues. Depression, MDD etc. Though nothing fucks me up more than my CPTSD from my partial CSA (“partial” because it was never fully rape, or sexually charged). Now I want to obviously have to have relationship… but I have no ideas how to communicate or overcome my issues, to the point I wonder if it just create more pain for others.

For one, there’s the usual touch issue. Don’t get me wrong -I can get touched to a degree. But anything longer like hugs or cuddling suddenly starts the alarm that it’s inappropriate, or that I’m trapped. Plus I’m so used to being isolated for the past few years that my body isn’t used to getting touched at all. Hence doubling down the effect.

Second thing is my hypervigilance. Which kinda plays into 1.) But I give it a special spotlight. I have a huge survival instinct. I can’t even go to sleep normally -I have to check the room 3 times by sitting up and laying down before I can sleep. If I’m paranoid it can even give me instinctive thought like someone who doesn’t like me is trying to kill me with cookies etc. Which in this context… is connected to expressions of sexual attraction. Sensual attraction makes me feel nice, but sexual attraction makes me feel hunted. Even if meant well. It gives me the feeling the person will break boundaries or have no problem violating me. (Note: I never express these intrusive thoughts or accuse anyone. I just have them).

I always thought that things could just get better if I go to therapy. But that’s not possible, is it now? Luckily, I know that there are potential some ways to combat my problems. Like, if someone touches me without hurting me several times, my body starts to slowly turn down the sirens in regards to them.

Problem is: That takes a long ass time. And it’s notable

Problem Deux: I have no fucking clue how to communicate that. (I mean the second one literally by the way. I can’t talk about my CSA issues verbally.)

My biggest issue is the current guilt I feel. I know that most people can’t wait forever. And even more that good, honest partners feel a shitton of guilt and bad feelings when they learn about this stuff. I don’t want to base a relationship on someone feeling sorry for me and having to coddle me all the time.

Any tips to overcome this? Any hopeful stories? Sorry, I know it might not be the best sub, but it’s a sex-related issue, so I thought it kinda fit, idk