Boyfriend avoiding sex due to insecurity and it’s making me feel resentful /u/gecko_roman Sex

I (F27) have been dating him (M26) for about 2 years now and I can count on one hand the times we’ve been sexual with one another. Initially, it was slow, maybe one every month with just intimate touching in bed, occasionally some brief PiV but he would tend to get in his head about his performance and lose it. He says he’s had this issue in previous relationships but still was sexually active before meeting me. I could understand feeling anxious and never wanted to pressure him into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable with. I told him we could take piv off the table and focus on building up with kisses/touching etc.

Since then however, things have dropped off to maybe some touching/ a handjob once every 4-5 months. We only stay together on the weekends, so granted there’s not as much opportunity as living together everyday. So far as I can remember, I’m usually the one initiating or asking and getting told ‘maybe another time’. I try not to continually bring up our lack of intimacy because it won’t help his anxiety at all to be constantly reminded of his performance issues, but I feel like he’s not really putting any effort to improve the situation.

I absolutely love the man and we get along and work so well in everything else in our relationship, except this. I’m starting to feel resentment towards him, and I hate feeling this way. I had never had a relationship before him and never had one night stands, so I feel like I’m missing out. I want to explore my sensuality with him, but his avoidance makes me think it’s not a big deal to him.

I asked last night if he wanted to get up to anything, and he told me ‘in the morning’. When we woke up, there was a couple of nice kisses then, ‘maybe another time’. This isn’t the first time that’s happened and it’s hard not to cry. I feel selfish for wanting sex so much.

I’ve suggested maybe therapy or even using pills as a crutch but he says he doesn’t want to be dependent on them. I don’t know what to do.

I (F27) have been dating him (M26) for about 2 years now and I can count on one hand the times we’ve been sexual with one another. Initially, it was slow, maybe one every month with just intimate touching in bed, occasionally some brief PiV but he would tend to get in his head about his performance and lose it. He says he’s had this issue in previous relationships but still was sexually active before meeting me. I could understand feeling anxious and never wanted to pressure him into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable with. I told him we could take piv off the table and focus on building up with kisses/touching etc.

Since then however, things have dropped off to maybe some touching/ a handjob once every 4-5 months. We only stay together on the weekends, so granted there’s not as much opportunity as living together everyday. So far as I can remember, I’m usually the one initiating or asking and getting told ‘maybe another time’. I try not to continually bring up our lack of intimacy because it won’t help his anxiety at all to be constantly reminded of his performance issues, but I feel like he’s not really putting any effort to improve the situation.

I absolutely love the man and we get along and work so well in everything else in our relationship, except this. I’m starting to feel resentment towards him, and I hate feeling this way. I had never had a relationship before him and never had one night stands, so I feel like I’m missing out. I want to explore my sensuality with him, but his avoidance makes me think it’s not a big deal to him.

I asked last night if he wanted to get up to anything, and he told me ‘in the morning’. When we woke up, there was a couple of nice kisses then, ‘maybe another time’. This isn’t the first time that’s happened and it’s hard not to cry. I feel selfish for wanting sex so much.

I’ve suggested maybe therapy or even using pills as a crutch but he says he doesn’t want to be dependent on them. I don’t know what to do.