I (25F) have an unwanted fetish and can’t cum without thinking about it /u/randomhairball4 Sex

Hello hopefully I’m in the right place! I’m embarrassed about my fetish, but I’ve had it since the start of my relationship of 4 years… it’s like a cuckquean fetish, where I get off to the thought of being cheated on. Frankly I don’t know why I have this fetish, my sane brain doesn’t actually want to be cheated on, I’m actually terrified of it. But for some reason I can’t get horny or cum without thoughts relating to it.

my best orgasms are just blowing my BF while he watches VR porn. He’s ok with this. But he is not interested in having sex with other women. When we have sex I am always imagining I’m the “AP” or “affair partner”. When I can’t focus on the fantasy, I’m kind of turned off. It’s like I can’t believe he actually likes my body. I don’t. He says he does but I can’t understand it. The women in porn have much nicer bodies than mine. He says I’m delusional and that my body looks like most pornstars, “fit, petite, nice boobs, nice butt, cute face”. But I can’t believe it for whatever reason? When I think about my body, I get turned off. I have to think of other women, and pretend my bf’s turned on because I’m them. Because ultimately him being turned on is what turns me on. It makes no sense right? It’s so stupid.

I want to feel enough for him and enjoy my body. I feel like a loser. Is there something I can do to stop relying on this deranged fantasy? Quit porn? Wait until I’m naturally horny before we have sex? Because sometimes we don’t have sex for days because I can’t get in the mood. I usually have to see a hot girl in a movie or IRL that I think my BF would be attracted to, then I get in the mood, then we have sex. But I would like to be like other women that enjoy sex for the action itself, not fetishes. I don’t feel like I’m fully present when we do it.

Hello hopefully I’m in the right place! I’m embarrassed about my fetish, but I’ve had it since the start of my relationship of 4 years… it’s like a cuckquean fetish, where I get off to the thought of being cheated on. Frankly I don’t know why I have this fetish, my sane brain doesn’t actually want to be cheated on, I’m actually terrified of it. But for some reason I can’t get horny or cum without thoughts relating to it.

my best orgasms are just blowing my BF while he watches VR porn. He’s ok with this. But he is not interested in having sex with other women. When we have sex I am always imagining I’m the “AP” or “affair partner”. When I can’t focus on the fantasy, I’m kind of turned off. It’s like I can’t believe he actually likes my body. I don’t. He says he does but I can’t understand it. The women in porn have much nicer bodies than mine. He says I’m delusional and that my body looks like most pornstars, “fit, petite, nice boobs, nice butt, cute face”. But I can’t believe it for whatever reason? When I think about my body, I get turned off. I have to think of other women, and pretend my bf’s turned on because I’m them. Because ultimately him being turned on is what turns me on. It makes no sense right? It’s so stupid.

I want to feel enough for him and enjoy my body. I feel like a loser. Is there something I can do to stop relying on this deranged fantasy? Quit porn? Wait until I’m naturally horny before we have sex? Because sometimes we don’t have sex for days because I can’t get in the mood. I usually have to see a hot girl in a movie or IRL that I think my BF would be attracted to, then I get in the mood, then we have sex. But I would like to be like other women that enjoy sex for the action itself, not fetishes. I don’t feel like I’m fully present when we do it.