Background: I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for a few months now and we have always been pretty good with communication regarding sex. We’re both pretty kinky and frequently engage in BDSM acts and we have a safeword. Unfortunately, I was in a very serious domestic violence situation for years growing up and was sexually assaulted and raped almost daily over those years and so I know that my triggers sometimes make what wouldn’t be a complicated situation extremely complex. My boyfriend is very aware of my past trauma and triggers along with my PTSD diagnosis and he is amazing with aftercare and consistently looks for enthusiastic consent when we’re doing anything sexual. If he notices anything is off, he stops and will not continue until I make eye contact and reassure him that I am okay. I never thought I’d be able to establish the level of security and intimacy that I have with him.
It’s currently the week of my birthday which heightens my triggers and anxiety because of how traumatic past birthdays have been. He knows this as well and has been extra careful with me because of the circumstances. On the other hand, physical touch is my main love language and so maintaining sexual activity is a huge destressor for me.
A couple nights ago, I was pretty exhausted and falling asleep a bit when my boyfriend got into bed with me. He asked if I wanted to do anything and I said that I was probably too tired but that we’d see. He said okay and I kissed him and he kissed me back and we started getting into the motions of sex. He proceeded to put his hand around my neck (which, again, is VERY common for us and I am typically very into) but as he was leaning over me the pressure from his hand pushed my neck down instead of the usual proper choking form we use. I couldn’t speak so I couldn’t use our safe word but I dodged his kisses so he’d know something was wrong and he stopped.
A couple of hours later I was feeling extreme pain in my neck and noticed a huge bruise. We were both mortified. I know that he didn’t intend to hurt me and we realized that it was a combination of the dark room, my inability to speak, the angle he was at, and the fact that he used his dominant hand that made the choke so wrong. Unfortunately, having to cover up the bruise only made the whole thing more triggering because of my history with domestic violence. He has apologized profusely and we are looking for any suggestions on how to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
I am also looking for any other advice you may have as I broke things off with him after the incident because I promised myself that if a man ever hurt me again I wouldn’t hesitate to leave. However, I IMMEDIATELY regretted doing so and I know that there was no intent to hurt me and that it truly was an accident. I slept over at his place again last night and we cuddled and I ended up crying because I feel so safe when I’m with him and I hate that this happened.
Any advice or help will be appreciated <3 thank you
submitted by /u/Southern_Chocolate59
[link] [comments]
r/sex Background: I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for a few months now and we have always been pretty good with communication regarding sex. We’re both pretty kinky and frequently engage in BDSM acts and we have a safeword. Unfortunately, I was in a very serious domestic violence situation for years growing up and was sexually assaulted and raped almost daily over those years and so I know that my triggers sometimes make what wouldn’t be a complicated situation extremely complex. My boyfriend is very aware of my past trauma and triggers along with my PTSD diagnosis and he is amazing with aftercare and consistently looks for enthusiastic consent when we’re doing anything sexual. If he notices anything is off, he stops and will not continue until I make eye contact and reassure him that I am okay. I never thought I’d be able to establish the level of security and intimacy that I have with him. It’s currently the week of my birthday which heightens my triggers and anxiety because of how traumatic past birthdays have been. He knows this as well and has been extra careful with me because of the circumstances. On the other hand, physical touch is my main love language and so maintaining sexual activity is a huge destressor for me. A couple nights ago, I was pretty exhausted and falling asleep a bit when my boyfriend got into bed with me. He asked if I wanted to do anything and I said that I was probably too tired but that we’d see. He said okay and I kissed him and he kissed me back and we started getting into the motions of sex. He proceeded to put his hand around my neck (which, again, is VERY common for us and I am typically very into) but as he was leaning over me the pressure from his hand pushed my neck down instead of the usual proper choking form we use. I couldn’t speak so I couldn’t use our safe word but I dodged his kisses so he’d know something was wrong and he stopped. A couple of hours later I was feeling extreme pain in my neck and noticed a huge bruise. We were both mortified. I know that he didn’t intend to hurt me and we realized that it was a combination of the dark room, my inability to speak, the angle he was at, and the fact that he used his dominant hand that made the choke so wrong. Unfortunately, having to cover up the bruise only made the whole thing more triggering because of my history with domestic violence. He has apologized profusely and we are looking for any suggestions on how to make sure this doesn’t happen again. I am also looking for any other advice you may have as I broke things off with him after the incident because I promised myself that if a man ever hurt me again I wouldn’t hesitate to leave. However, I IMMEDIATELY regretted doing so and I know that there was no intent to hurt me and that it truly was an accident. I slept over at his place again last night and we cuddled and I ended up crying because I feel so safe when I’m with him and I hate that this happened. Any advice or help will be appreciated <3 thank you submitted by /u/Southern_Chocolate59 [link] [comments]
Background: I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for a few months now and we have always been pretty good with communication regarding sex. We’re both pretty kinky and frequently engage in BDSM acts and we have a safeword. Unfortunately, I was in a very serious domestic violence situation for years growing up and was sexually assaulted and raped almost daily over those years and so I know that my triggers sometimes make what wouldn’t be a complicated situation extremely complex. My boyfriend is very aware of my past trauma and triggers along with my PTSD diagnosis and he is amazing with aftercare and consistently looks for enthusiastic consent when we’re doing anything sexual. If he notices anything is off, he stops and will not continue until I make eye contact and reassure him that I am okay. I never thought I’d be able to establish the level of security and intimacy that I have with him.
It’s currently the week of my birthday which heightens my triggers and anxiety because of how traumatic past birthdays have been. He knows this as well and has been extra careful with me because of the circumstances. On the other hand, physical touch is my main love language and so maintaining sexual activity is a huge destressor for me.
A couple nights ago, I was pretty exhausted and falling asleep a bit when my boyfriend got into bed with me. He asked if I wanted to do anything and I said that I was probably too tired but that we’d see. He said okay and I kissed him and he kissed me back and we started getting into the motions of sex. He proceeded to put his hand around my neck (which, again, is VERY common for us and I am typically very into) but as he was leaning over me the pressure from his hand pushed my neck down instead of the usual proper choking form we use. I couldn’t speak so I couldn’t use our safe word but I dodged his kisses so he’d know something was wrong and he stopped.
A couple of hours later I was feeling extreme pain in my neck and noticed a huge bruise. We were both mortified. I know that he didn’t intend to hurt me and we realized that it was a combination of the dark room, my inability to speak, the angle he was at, and the fact that he used his dominant hand that made the choke so wrong. Unfortunately, having to cover up the bruise only made the whole thing more triggering because of my history with domestic violence. He has apologized profusely and we are looking for any suggestions on how to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
I am also looking for any other advice you may have as I broke things off with him after the incident because I promised myself that if a man ever hurt me again I wouldn’t hesitate to leave. However, I IMMEDIATELY regretted doing so and I know that there was no intent to hurt me and that it truly was an accident. I slept over at his place again last night and we cuddled and I ended up crying because I feel so safe when I’m with him and I hate that this happened.
Any advice or help will be appreciated <3 thank you
submitted by /u/Southern_Chocolate59
[link] [comments]