Partner is Large- Looking for Specific Advise /u/UnholyGr11 Sex

I know this is a popular topic but I searched the topic and didn’t find anything much too helpful so I thought I’d expand on what happened and ask for advise on specific parts.

So me (AFAB19) and my partner (AMAB20) tried to have sex for the first time a few days ago. We messed around, asked each other if we felt comfy etc. So I first noticed they were big when I went down on them. I did the full body slow-burn kiss down to the bits and when I got to the bits I was like WOAH and generally it was a bit of a challenge to go down on them. I went slow, I tried to salivate as much as I possibly could down the entire thing, used my hands a good bit etc but this is the first of a few things I’d like advise for. I know how to give head generally, throating has never been my forté but with this situation it’s extra difficult but I want to do a good job for them.

So when it came to the actual sex, we started with missionary to make things easy and it…wasn’t easy. The first thing I noticed was the immediate pain. I literally shuddered. They couldn’t get in at all. So we fumble around, do some more foreplay and try again and its the same issue. I had the idea to throw my legs over their shoulders but I quickly learned I’m not flexible enough to do both legs rn LMAO but I did have one leg up and it still didn’t help much. It was still painful, I still shuddered and at that point mentally I just wasn’t there anymore and their arms were getting tired so we just stopped for the night. It still ended on a good note, and we figured we would just try again another time.

Also afterwards, even without full penetration, my legs were weak.

Side note: While there is no denying that my partner is like, porn-star large, I think I had a factor in it too. I was nervous, I have severe body dysmorphia, and could have just been more tense than I realized. I had done everything I knew to prep and make myself feel better, but there’s a shit ton that goes on in the subscious and I know that. I’m also am assault surviver so that could also be a mental blockage happening.

So my specific questions are: 1.) Any tips for giving head to someone large that doesn’t take away from the experience? 2.) Any positions we should try for easier access? 3.) I bought water based lube for next time, best ways to use/incorporate it? 4.) Anything to help with my legs getting weak?

More important notes: Use they/them pronouns for both of us please. Both of us have had previous sexual partners before. Avoid body-negative language and when suggesting bringing ideas up to them, suggest them in a way that doesn’t antagonize their penis.

Anything is appreciated, thank you!

I know this is a popular topic but I searched the topic and didn’t find anything much too helpful so I thought I’d expand on what happened and ask for advise on specific parts.

So me (AFAB19) and my partner (AMAB20) tried to have sex for the first time a few days ago. We messed around, asked each other if we felt comfy etc. So I first noticed they were big when I went down on them. I did the full body slow-burn kiss down to the bits and when I got to the bits I was like WOAH and generally it was a bit of a challenge to go down on them. I went slow, I tried to salivate as much as I possibly could down the entire thing, used my hands a good bit etc but this is the first of a few things I’d like advise for. I know how to give head generally, throating has never been my forté but with this situation it’s extra difficult but I want to do a good job for them.

So when it came to the actual sex, we started with missionary to make things easy and it…wasn’t easy. The first thing I noticed was the immediate pain. I literally shuddered. They couldn’t get in at all. So we fumble around, do some more foreplay and try again and its the same issue. I had the idea to throw my legs over their shoulders but I quickly learned I’m not flexible enough to do both legs rn LMAO but I did have one leg up and it still didn’t help much. It was still painful, I still shuddered and at that point mentally I just wasn’t there anymore and their arms were getting tired so we just stopped for the night. It still ended on a good note, and we figured we would just try again another time.

Also afterwards, even without full penetration, my legs were weak.

Side note: While there is no denying that my partner is like, porn-star large, I think I had a factor in it too. I was nervous, I have severe body dysmorphia, and could have just been more tense than I realized. I had done everything I knew to prep and make myself feel better, but there’s a shit ton that goes on in the subscious and I know that. I’m also am assault surviver so that could also be a mental blockage happening.

So my specific questions are: 1.) Any tips for giving head to someone large that doesn’t take away from the experience? 2.) Any positions we should try for easier access? 3.) I bought water based lube for next time, best ways to use/incorporate it? 4.) Anything to help with my legs getting weak?

More important notes: Use they/them pronouns for both of us please. Both of us have had previous sexual partners before. Avoid body-negative language and when suggesting bringing ideas up to them, suggest them in a way that doesn’t antagonize their penis.

Anything is appreciated, thank you!