How to overcome internalised shame in a healthy way? 20f /u/secretslutxoxoxo Sex

Growing up in a Muslim household as the youngest and only daughter was quite a restrictive experience. I first lost my virginity in my final year of high school at a house party and since moving for college, I have been having a lot of casual sex.

Whilst I really do enjoy it, part of me felt like I need to go ‘over the top’ initially and sleep around as much as possible to try and overcome the internal guilt. Since then I have a bunch of guys that I regularly see who are my fwbs. I do sometimes hook up with a new guy here and there but it’s mostly among my fwbs.

I made this Reddit account a while ago to share stories of my sexual encounters to mostly try and overcome the feelings of shame and guilt I felt after having sex by trying to reassure myself that it’s okay. I did feel overwhelmed by the guilt a while back and just ended up deleting all my posts.

I feel like I’m trying too hard to be as slutty as possible to ‘rebel’ I guess? I never had a super conservative upbringing and could wear what I wanted etc, but I still remember feeling left out in school when all my friends would hang out with boys and I wasn’t really allowed to have the same liberties.

Whenever a guy comes over I always take time trying to look as pretty as possible and although my sex life is really amazing, I feel like part of it is me putting on a performance to be as sexual as possible due to my restrictive upbringing.

Like even the other day I had planned a self-care day to have some time alone but one of my fwbs called me over and I literally took an Uber for an hour just to get fucked, ended up sleeping over at his place and had more sex the next day. 😭🙃

I felt really overwhelmed by my internalised shame again. It’s like I’m in this cycle where I have great sex but afterwards when I’m alone I feel guilty about it due to my upbringing.

I’ve considered seeing a sex therapist but that’s a pretty expensive option here in nyc. Is there anything I can do to try and overcome this?

Thanks 🥺

Growing up in a Muslim household as the youngest and only daughter was quite a restrictive experience. I first lost my virginity in my final year of high school at a house party and since moving for college, I have been having a lot of casual sex.

Whilst I really do enjoy it, part of me felt like I need to go ‘over the top’ initially and sleep around as much as possible to try and overcome the internal guilt. Since then I have a bunch of guys that I regularly see who are my fwbs. I do sometimes hook up with a new guy here and there but it’s mostly among my fwbs.

I made this Reddit account a while ago to share stories of my sexual encounters to mostly try and overcome the feelings of shame and guilt I felt after having sex by trying to reassure myself that it’s okay. I did feel overwhelmed by the guilt a while back and just ended up deleting all my posts.

I feel like I’m trying too hard to be as slutty as possible to ‘rebel’ I guess? I never had a super conservative upbringing and could wear what I wanted etc, but I still remember feeling left out in school when all my friends would hang out with boys and I wasn’t really allowed to have the same liberties.

Whenever a guy comes over I always take time trying to look as pretty as possible and although my sex life is really amazing, I feel like part of it is me putting on a performance to be as sexual as possible due to my restrictive upbringing.

Like even the other day I had planned a self-care day to have some time alone but one of my fwbs called me over and I literally took an Uber for an hour just to get fucked, ended up sleeping over at his place and had more sex the next day. 😭🙃

I felt really overwhelmed by my internalised shame again. It’s like I’m in this cycle where I have great sex but afterwards when I’m alone I feel guilty about it due to my upbringing.

I’ve considered seeing a sex therapist but that’s a pretty expensive option here in nyc. Is there anything I can do to try and overcome this?

Thanks 🥺