28F (noob at sex) with boyfriend 28M (virgin) /u/MoodyAndHonest Sex

First time poster and really a noob at sex so please please be direct and clear and don’t assume I’d obviously know what you’re saying cause I don’t 🥲.

So here’s a little context about me, 28F: I have some sexual experience in terms of frequency of the sexual act. But in terms of quantity and quality, I have no clue what happened to me in my life. I won’t say I believe I have had good sex (orgasms, yes) but I never fantasized about a guy I have had sex with later on. I have never had those thoughts. And when I have had sex with someone in a relationship if I we didn’t have a fully developed intellectual connection, after sex, I have called sick and I have always dumped the guy. It’s like I lose interest and respect and the will to interact with them. I do think I am a Demi or Sapio because the way I get turned on is through intellectual compatibility. I’m not so experimental either or maybe I never felt the assurance to be courageous enough to have any desire to explore my sexuality.

I have never had causal sex and the idea of it is like a nightmare to me. No judgements on people but I’d never want to date or marry someone who doesn’t align with me on this. I want utmost loyalty and I want to marry and build all aspects of my life: romantic sexual intellectual etc with one person in my life.

Now I have found that person: my boyfriend: Context, 28M: A virgin with no experience in physical or sexual activity. He has germophobia. He said he wanted a meaningful spiritual experience and that’s why he never ventured out to seek sex or dating. He and I have spoken of seriousness and I do sense he wants to marry me but we haven’t had the talk. And till the moment the talk doesn’t happen it’s all contemplation in my head.

11 months of dating, yesterday we initiated physical stuff. I took the initiative and I hugged him and we ended up removing clothes. Underwear was on by choice but I stroked his penis for a while. He said lip to lip kiss is not appealing to him but he kept kissing my neck and touching me. He kept asking me what he could do to please me and I had no answer because I was freaking out that I will freak him out. He removed my top and I asked him if he’d like to touch my breast and he said he’d touch them if it pleases me and I felt odd about that so I didn’t say anything but later on he himself initiated and fondled my breasts. He was okay with me touching his penis he wanted me to remove my underwear but I didn’t. He seemed pretty enthusiastic about touching me down there but I didn’t let him.

And one question: how can I understand his size? He was hard but I don’t know if he was fully erect. Is it possible to be hard and not be fully erect? Cause I didn’t understand his size.

I wish to understand this. We both had doubts he might be asexual but he also confessed that this was so so so natural to him and that he has never had this comfort with someone and he said he never did this because he hadn’t found the right one.

I am freaking out and I have idiotic reasons to freak out. And why won’t he kiss me but he’d do other things.

Say something anything to help me. I don’t know what I am going through. My emotions are all over the place. I want to marry him but I fear what if we are not sexually compatible or what if he cheats on me or what if now he will want to have sex with other women— you can think of all assumptions one can have.

First time poster and really a noob at sex so please please be direct and clear and don’t assume I’d obviously know what you’re saying cause I don’t 🥲.

So here’s a little context about me, 28F: I have some sexual experience in terms of frequency of the sexual act. But in terms of quantity and quality, I have no clue what happened to me in my life. I won’t say I believe I have had good sex (orgasms, yes) but I never fantasized about a guy I have had sex with later on. I have never had those thoughts. And when I have had sex with someone in a relationship if I we didn’t have a fully developed intellectual connection, after sex, I have called sick and I have always dumped the guy. It’s like I lose interest and respect and the will to interact with them. I do think I am a Demi or Sapio because the way I get turned on is through intellectual compatibility. I’m not so experimental either or maybe I never felt the assurance to be courageous enough to have any desire to explore my sexuality.

I have never had causal sex and the idea of it is like a nightmare to me. No judgements on people but I’d never want to date or marry someone who doesn’t align with me on this. I want utmost loyalty and I want to marry and build all aspects of my life: romantic sexual intellectual etc with one person in my life.

Now I have found that person: my boyfriend: Context, 28M: A virgin with no experience in physical or sexual activity. He has germophobia. He said he wanted a meaningful spiritual experience and that’s why he never ventured out to seek sex or dating. He and I have spoken of seriousness and I do sense he wants to marry me but we haven’t had the talk. And till the moment the talk doesn’t happen it’s all contemplation in my head.

11 months of dating, yesterday we initiated physical stuff. I took the initiative and I hugged him and we ended up removing clothes. Underwear was on by choice but I stroked his penis for a while. He said lip to lip kiss is not appealing to him but he kept kissing my neck and touching me. He kept asking me what he could do to please me and I had no answer because I was freaking out that I will freak him out. He removed my top and I asked him if he’d like to touch my breast and he said he’d touch them if it pleases me and I felt odd about that so I didn’t say anything but later on he himself initiated and fondled my breasts. He was okay with me touching his penis he wanted me to remove my underwear but I didn’t. He seemed pretty enthusiastic about touching me down there but I didn’t let him.

And one question: how can I understand his size? He was hard but I don’t know if he was fully erect. Is it possible to be hard and not be fully erect? Cause I didn’t understand his size.

I wish to understand this. We both had doubts he might be asexual but he also confessed that this was so so so natural to him and that he has never had this comfort with someone and he said he never did this because he hadn’t found the right one.

I am freaking out and I have idiotic reasons to freak out. And why won’t he kiss me but he’d do other things.

Say something anything to help me. I don’t know what I am going through. My emotions are all over the place. I want to marry him but I fear what if we are not sexually compatible or what if he cheats on me or what if now he will want to have sex with other women— you can think of all assumptions one can have.