My husband grew up in a cult-like religious home where masturbation and anything sex related before married was the ultimate sin. He would be asked once a week if he succumbed to masturbation that week. After he became an adult, he realized how screwed up his upbringing was and is now an atheist. He still had deep rooted guilt around sex for a long time and didn’t lose his virginity until his late 20s. His first partner ended up being someone who was secretly married but hid it from him.
He ALSO has some weird texture aversion, which includes vaginas. He absolutely will not go down on me and has never once tried. We’ve been together for 3 years, I’ve only brought it up maybe twice and both times he’s FREAKED OUT thinking I will leave him if he doesn’t do it. I didn’t know he had this issue until like a year into our relationship because he refused to talk about it.
His 2nd partner, he accidentally knocked up after dating for two months. She was sexually abusive and would constantly call him gay if he wasn’t performing to her standards. She would also hold his face down and tell him she’d leave him and take his kid if he couldn’t give her oral. So on top of the texture aversion, he has abusive ties to oral sex. They also only had sex like once a month, if that, and he would fake orgasm because she was so emotionally abusive that he couldn’t orgasm with her. He also had trouble keeping an erection, which is why she called him gay. And she constantly tried to convince him to go to sex therapy, alone. He was with her for 3 years.
I am his 3rd partner and he has zero issues getting or maintaining an erection and zero issues with orgasming. However, he doesn’t initiate sex. Ever. He would rather masterbate in the bathroom real quick than initiate sex with me. (He doesn’t watch porn and uses photos OF ME to masterbate.) He also doesn’t seem to really want to have sex. A lot of the times when I initiate, he says no or tells me we don’t have time (we do) so I’ve stopped. He doesn’t initiate and says no half the time I do, so I do not feel desired and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to have sex with him either. He’s used to either not having sex or having sex once every two months, so not having sex is not an issue for him.
And YES, I have talked to him about this many many many many many times. He just reverts back to his old ways again eventually. I’m just so over it. I hate our sex life. I want someone who WANTS to have sex with me. Who WANTS to go down on me. Who WANTS to initiate and show me that he wants me.
He is in therapy for depression, but doesn’t want to talk to him about sex.
I don’t want to leave him over sex, so what are my options? What can I do?
submitted by /u/UndertheBridge234
[link] [comments]
r/sex My husband grew up in a cult-like religious home where masturbation and anything sex related before married was the ultimate sin. He would be asked once a week if he succumbed to masturbation that week. After he became an adult, he realized how screwed up his upbringing was and is now an atheist. He still had deep rooted guilt around sex for a long time and didn’t lose his virginity until his late 20s. His first partner ended up being someone who was secretly married but hid it from him. He ALSO has some weird texture aversion, which includes vaginas. He absolutely will not go down on me and has never once tried. We’ve been together for 3 years, I’ve only brought it up maybe twice and both times he’s FREAKED OUT thinking I will leave him if he doesn’t do it. I didn’t know he had this issue until like a year into our relationship because he refused to talk about it. His 2nd partner, he accidentally knocked up after dating for two months. She was sexually abusive and would constantly call him gay if he wasn’t performing to her standards. She would also hold his face down and tell him she’d leave him and take his kid if he couldn’t give her oral. So on top of the texture aversion, he has abusive ties to oral sex. They also only had sex like once a month, if that, and he would fake orgasm because she was so emotionally abusive that he couldn’t orgasm with her. He also had trouble keeping an erection, which is why she called him gay. And she constantly tried to convince him to go to sex therapy, alone. He was with her for 3 years. I am his 3rd partner and he has zero issues getting or maintaining an erection and zero issues with orgasming. However, he doesn’t initiate sex. Ever. He would rather masterbate in the bathroom real quick than initiate sex with me. (He doesn’t watch porn and uses photos OF ME to masterbate.) He also doesn’t seem to really want to have sex. A lot of the times when I initiate, he says no or tells me we don’t have time (we do) so I’ve stopped. He doesn’t initiate and says no half the time I do, so I do not feel desired and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to have sex with him either. He’s used to either not having sex or having sex once every two months, so not having sex is not an issue for him. And YES, I have talked to him about this many many many many many times. He just reverts back to his old ways again eventually. I’m just so over it. I hate our sex life. I want someone who WANTS to have sex with me. Who WANTS to go down on me. Who WANTS to initiate and show me that he wants me. He is in therapy for depression, but doesn’t want to talk to him about sex. I don’t want to leave him over sex, so what are my options? What can I do? submitted by /u/UndertheBridge234 [link] [comments]
My husband grew up in a cult-like religious home where masturbation and anything sex related before married was the ultimate sin. He would be asked once a week if he succumbed to masturbation that week. After he became an adult, he realized how screwed up his upbringing was and is now an atheist. He still had deep rooted guilt around sex for a long time and didn’t lose his virginity until his late 20s. His first partner ended up being someone who was secretly married but hid it from him.
He ALSO has some weird texture aversion, which includes vaginas. He absolutely will not go down on me and has never once tried. We’ve been together for 3 years, I’ve only brought it up maybe twice and both times he’s FREAKED OUT thinking I will leave him if he doesn’t do it. I didn’t know he had this issue until like a year into our relationship because he refused to talk about it.
His 2nd partner, he accidentally knocked up after dating for two months. She was sexually abusive and would constantly call him gay if he wasn’t performing to her standards. She would also hold his face down and tell him she’d leave him and take his kid if he couldn’t give her oral. So on top of the texture aversion, he has abusive ties to oral sex. They also only had sex like once a month, if that, and he would fake orgasm because she was so emotionally abusive that he couldn’t orgasm with her. He also had trouble keeping an erection, which is why she called him gay. And she constantly tried to convince him to go to sex therapy, alone. He was with her for 3 years.
I am his 3rd partner and he has zero issues getting or maintaining an erection and zero issues with orgasming. However, he doesn’t initiate sex. Ever. He would rather masterbate in the bathroom real quick than initiate sex with me. (He doesn’t watch porn and uses photos OF ME to masterbate.) He also doesn’t seem to really want to have sex. A lot of the times when I initiate, he says no or tells me we don’t have time (we do) so I’ve stopped. He doesn’t initiate and says no half the time I do, so I do not feel desired and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to have sex with him either. He’s used to either not having sex or having sex once every two months, so not having sex is not an issue for him.
And YES, I have talked to him about this many many many many many times. He just reverts back to his old ways again eventually. I’m just so over it. I hate our sex life. I want someone who WANTS to have sex with me. Who WANTS to go down on me. Who WANTS to initiate and show me that he wants me.
He is in therapy for depression, but doesn’t want to talk to him about sex.
I don’t want to leave him over sex, so what are my options? What can I do?
submitted by /u/UndertheBridge234
[link] [comments]