I [F, 23] started getting turned on by imagining my partner [M, 22] having sex with other women and it is making me feel awful /u/Glitteringsomething Sex

I am in so much distress. I also have to clarify that I have OCD so this is really hard for me. My biggest fear was that my boyfriend has a threesome fetish and for months I nagged him with questions I felt so much retroactive jealousy because of his past with his ex. Even though he reassured me that it doesn’t matter and that he would never pressure me if I don’t want that it still makes me insecure I am a really jealous person and I just want monogamy. But after an incident after we roleplayed a threesome scenario I got turned on while the dirty talk was going on and after I came I started crying I felt disgusted. I felt as if another person had entered our relationship. I cried for two days he comforted me and he never spoke of it again. But not only was I disgusted by the thpught of it happening I also was freaked out that that roleplay really turned me on. WHY DID IT TURN ME ON WHEN IT IS MY BIGGEST FEAR AND I DON’T WANT IT TO EVER HAPPEN? The next time we had sex I repeated the dirty talk in my head and it was still hot but then it felt awful. My OCD started overthinking it. Sometimes I would imagine these scenarios and get turned on but in reality I don’t want that ever to happen. Later on I realized that it wasn’t some random girl I was imagining him fucking but it was always the ex girlfriend he had a triad relationship going on three years ago. It was always her and I would never see her face but it was her hair. I go from utter disgust feelings of anger and anxiety to sometimes getting turned on by the thought and it drives me crazy. My OCD is making more mental images and for the last few days it has been so difficult and intense because I am currently in my hometown and I just can’t stop crying. I haven’t slept for days. I don’t want to tell my partner about this because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea that I am interested in a threesome when I am most definitely not. I keep reading reddit posts (something that I know I shouldn’t do) and it is making everything worse. I don’t want to be turned on by this but I keep making mental images to see how I feel about it and most of the time it is disgust and sometimes I am just numb and it freaks me out even more. It has gotten so bad that sometimes when I am out with friends I look at girls that sit on other tables and imagine that he would want to fuck them and I feel so much disgust. Just an hour ago I was crying about how he has this fetish and that I feel anger because he wants to have sex with other girls even though I know I shouldn’t judge him. Now I masturbated to some porn and I imagined this girl pleasuring my boyfriend and him cheating on me and I got turned on by the thought. It is so hard I am so confused and I just want to stop thinking for a bit.

I am in so much distress. I also have to clarify that I have OCD so this is really hard for me. My biggest fear was that my boyfriend has a threesome fetish and for months I nagged him with questions I felt so much retroactive jealousy because of his past with his ex. Even though he reassured me that it doesn’t matter and that he would never pressure me if I don’t want that it still makes me insecure I am a really jealous person and I just want monogamy. But after an incident after we roleplayed a threesome scenario I got turned on while the dirty talk was going on and after I came I started crying I felt disgusted. I felt as if another person had entered our relationship. I cried for two days he comforted me and he never spoke of it again. But not only was I disgusted by the thpught of it happening I also was freaked out that that roleplay really turned me on. WHY DID IT TURN ME ON WHEN IT IS MY BIGGEST FEAR AND I DON’T WANT IT TO EVER HAPPEN? The next time we had sex I repeated the dirty talk in my head and it was still hot but then it felt awful. My OCD started overthinking it. Sometimes I would imagine these scenarios and get turned on but in reality I don’t want that ever to happen. Later on I realized that it wasn’t some random girl I was imagining him fucking but it was always the ex girlfriend he had a triad relationship going on three years ago. It was always her and I would never see her face but it was her hair. I go from utter disgust feelings of anger and anxiety to sometimes getting turned on by the thought and it drives me crazy. My OCD is making more mental images and for the last few days it has been so difficult and intense because I am currently in my hometown and I just can’t stop crying. I haven’t slept for days. I don’t want to tell my partner about this because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea that I am interested in a threesome when I am most definitely not. I keep reading reddit posts (something that I know I shouldn’t do) and it is making everything worse. I don’t want to be turned on by this but I keep making mental images to see how I feel about it and most of the time it is disgust and sometimes I am just numb and it freaks me out even more. It has gotten so bad that sometimes when I am out with friends I look at girls that sit on other tables and imagine that he would want to fuck them and I feel so much disgust. Just an hour ago I was crying about how he has this fetish and that I feel anger because he wants to have sex with other girls even though I know I shouldn’t judge him. Now I masturbated to some porn and I imagined this girl pleasuring my boyfriend and him cheating on me and I got turned on by the thought. It is so hard I am so confused and I just want to stop thinking for a bit.