Warning: long post
As the title says. I know he isn’t intending to make me feel guilty, but he’s having a very difficult time with his ED and I don’t know how to help.
We’ve been married a long time. I don’t come from a religious background, but he was my first partner. I’ll be the first to admit that our sex life was never amazing, but it’s never been bad either. I had masturbated prior to our relationship, and during, but I had never made myself cum. It always felt good, and sex wasn’t something that my mom discussed with me, so I didn’t know I was missing anything.
When I started dating my husband I didn’t know anything was missing either. He did minimal foreplay, but had decent enough stamina during intercourse and it always felt good, so I didn’t worry. We enjoyed each other’s company and there weren’t any negatives that I could see, aside from missing orgasms (which I honestly thought I was having).
As I mentioned above, he was my first partner. I’ve had another since. About a year into our relationship he asked if I would be interested in having a 3some with one of his (M) friends. We discussed together amd decided to go for it. There’s not much to say about it, tbh, it only happened once and we’re all still friends (though not as close, as sometimes tends to happen over the course of 2 decades). There wasn’t any negativity or weirdness after that I noticed. This is really only to bring up that he was pretty open and sex positive early on in our relationship.
A couple years after we were married he was deployed to Iraq. He surprised me by buying a couple of toys for me. They were the first ones I ever had. He asked me to send pics and vids of me using it whenever I sent him a package. It was with these toys that I came for the first time and began learning about what I enjoyed.
When he came home, we continued using the toys (together and myself solo). We didn’t use them all the time, sometimes we just didn’t have the time because it takes me a long time to get there, but they still made the rotation, and if I needed to get off there wasn’t any issues with doing it myself. He’s bought me a new toy every now and then over the years as a surprise, and I’ve bought some for myself. It was always just a non issue. I didn’t have an issue with not finishing, because sex was always more than that anyway, and it was still good even if it wasn’t great.
I learned over the years that his lack of foreplay and attention was due to ADHD. He simply couldn’t keep on task and was impatient, to boot. But he put in effort in other areas and it didn’t seem to bother him that I needed “help”. We were both satisfied sexually, so I didn’t rock the boat.
About 5 years ago the VA put him on medication for depression and anxiety. He started having some issues with ED at this point. Prior to this we were having sex once a week, if not a couple of times a week. After, every 2 weeks was common. His stamina dropped like a rock. He was already seeing a therapist with the VA and he brought up his concerns. They discovered he had low testosterone and he started getting shots for that, but there really wasn’t much of a change. He wanted to try ED pills, but the VA is fairly opposed overall due to cost and will try all kinds of other things first (this will be referenced later in this story).
We kept on though, and and enjoyed what we could enjoy when we could enjoy.
About 3 years ago he started getting physically ill frequently. This further damaged our sex life, because he would get physically ill during/after sex. It was really bad, really quick, and he had many, many medical tests done to figure out what was happening to him. The only thing that they could find was an elevated white blood cell count that indicated an infection, but wouldn’t be resolved by antibiotics.
After pushing for a bone marrow biopsy (which the VA didn’t want to do because his WBC count was lower than what they thought it would be if he had leukemia) he was, unsurprisingly, diagnosed with CML. He was put on the meds he needed almost immediately. He still gets sick easily, but nothing like what it was before. Things got back to the way it was before he got sick, but not like when things were at their best, but that was ok. Things didn’t stay ok, though. Over the last 3 years of being on this medication his ED issues have worsened. What went from every week or 2 has now went to once a month or less, and it’s with great difficulty and goes quickly when it happens. To say he’s frustrated is an understatement.
During all these years he’s bought me a few different toys, and I’ve bought a few myself. The only hint of an issue with toys came last year. I ordered a rabbit for myself. I always wanted one, and my tried and true vibe had died. He knew I was ordering a new toy and didn’t say anything about it until it arrived, and then only to comment how big it was. I’m not going to lie here, thinking about how he felt about that toy ruined it for me. It was expensive and I used it twice and I didn’t enjoy it. I don’t know if I truly didn’t enjoy it, or if I was in my head and ruined it that way. Either way I’ve been taking care of things for the past year with a bullet vibe. No biggie.
During this past year he’s been pushing the VA as well. They still won’t go for meds for him, but prescribed him a penis pump. Listen to me when I tell you how demoralized he was over this. I can’t accurately put it into words.
He still sees his therapist regularly. We have sex whenever his body chooses to cooperate. He still has a desire for sex. I make sure to give him plenty of physical attention. I know that he’s been self-conscious lately about pleasing me (he’s told me pretty much after sex every time recently), so I have been trying to be discreet while we work through this. I’ve been honest with him when I tell him that I love him and sex is only part of everything.
The bullet vibe isn’t holding up well anymore.
I decided to order a g-spot vibe, and I let him know that I had something coming. At first he said “good, get anything you want, you don’t spend any money on yourself”, but then I guess he got in his own head, and a few minutes later he started apologizing for not being able to please me anymore. He let it go and didn’t bring it back up after I told him he didn’t have anything he needed to apologize for. He doesn’t. He can’t help what his medications do to him, and he can’t go off them to make things better for us sexually. I don’t know how to make things better, though. I’m fine with limited penetrative sex. I would like nothing better right now than him holding me down and forcing an orgasm from me with my bullet vibe. I don’t know if he has any interest in that, though. He’s essentially vanilla, but has strayed very lightly into spanking and choking (at his own request), and although I liked both very much, he seemingly didn’t enjoy either himself, so they quickly left the repertoire. For this reason I don’t want to tell him how I want him to handle me. I would rather a fantasy not happen at all than it happen and learn that he only did it to make me happy, but wasn’t into it. I want him to be into whatever we do. I want him to be happy and have a fulfilling sexual relationship with me.
So I don’t know how to fix things.
submitted by /u/just_a_lurker_baby
[link] [comments]
r/sex Warning: long post As the title says. I know he isn’t intending to make me feel guilty, but he’s having a very difficult time with his ED and I don’t know how to help. We’ve been married a long time. I don’t come from a religious background, but he was my first partner. I’ll be the first to admit that our sex life was never amazing, but it’s never been bad either. I had masturbated prior to our relationship, and during, but I had never made myself cum. It always felt good, and sex wasn’t something that my mom discussed with me, so I didn’t know I was missing anything. When I started dating my husband I didn’t know anything was missing either. He did minimal foreplay, but had decent enough stamina during intercourse and it always felt good, so I didn’t worry. We enjoyed each other’s company and there weren’t any negatives that I could see, aside from missing orgasms (which I honestly thought I was having). As I mentioned above, he was my first partner. I’ve had another since. About a year into our relationship he asked if I would be interested in having a 3some with one of his (M) friends. We discussed together amd decided to go for it. There’s not much to say about it, tbh, it only happened once and we’re all still friends (though not as close, as sometimes tends to happen over the course of 2 decades). There wasn’t any negativity or weirdness after that I noticed. This is really only to bring up that he was pretty open and sex positive early on in our relationship. A couple years after we were married he was deployed to Iraq. He surprised me by buying a couple of toys for me. They were the first ones I ever had. He asked me to send pics and vids of me using it whenever I sent him a package. It was with these toys that I came for the first time and began learning about what I enjoyed. When he came home, we continued using the toys (together and myself solo). We didn’t use them all the time, sometimes we just didn’t have the time because it takes me a long time to get there, but they still made the rotation, and if I needed to get off there wasn’t any issues with doing it myself. He’s bought me a new toy every now and then over the years as a surprise, and I’ve bought some for myself. It was always just a non issue. I didn’t have an issue with not finishing, because sex was always more than that anyway, and it was still good even if it wasn’t great. I learned over the years that his lack of foreplay and attention was due to ADHD. He simply couldn’t keep on task and was impatient, to boot. But he put in effort in other areas and it didn’t seem to bother him that I needed “help”. We were both satisfied sexually, so I didn’t rock the boat. About 5 years ago the VA put him on medication for depression and anxiety. He started having some issues with ED at this point. Prior to this we were having sex once a week, if not a couple of times a week. After, every 2 weeks was common. His stamina dropped like a rock. He was already seeing a therapist with the VA and he brought up his concerns. They discovered he had low testosterone and he started getting shots for that, but there really wasn’t much of a change. He wanted to try ED pills, but the VA is fairly opposed overall due to cost and will try all kinds of other things first (this will be referenced later in this story). We kept on though, and and enjoyed what we could enjoy when we could enjoy. About 3 years ago he started getting physically ill frequently. This further damaged our sex life, because he would get physically ill during/after sex. It was really bad, really quick, and he had many, many medical tests done to figure out what was happening to him. The only thing that they could find was an elevated white blood cell count that indicated an infection, but wouldn’t be resolved by antibiotics. After pushing for a bone marrow biopsy (which the VA didn’t want to do because his WBC count was lower than what they thought it would be if he had leukemia) he was, unsurprisingly, diagnosed with CML. He was put on the meds he needed almost immediately. He still gets sick easily, but nothing like what it was before. Things got back to the way it was before he got sick, but not like when things were at their best, but that was ok. Things didn’t stay ok, though. Over the last 3 years of being on this medication his ED issues have worsened. What went from every week or 2 has now went to once a month or less, and it’s with great difficulty and goes quickly when it happens. To say he’s frustrated is an understatement. During all these years he’s bought me a few different toys, and I’ve bought a few myself. The only hint of an issue with toys came last year. I ordered a rabbit for myself. I always wanted one, and my tried and true vibe had died. He knew I was ordering a new toy and didn’t say anything about it until it arrived, and then only to comment how big it was. I’m not going to lie here, thinking about how he felt about that toy ruined it for me. It was expensive and I used it twice and I didn’t enjoy it. I don’t know if I truly didn’t enjoy it, or if I was in my head and ruined it that way. Either way I’ve been taking care of things for the past year with a bullet vibe. No biggie. During this past year he’s been pushing the VA as well. They still won’t go for meds for him, but prescribed him a penis pump. Listen to me when I tell you how demoralized he was over this. I can’t accurately put it into words. He still sees his therapist regularly. We have sex whenever his body chooses to cooperate. He still has a desire for sex. I make sure to give him plenty of physical attention. I know that he’s been self-conscious lately about pleasing me (he’s told me pretty much after sex every time recently), so I have been trying to be discreet while we work through this. I’ve been honest with him when I tell him that I love him and sex is only part of everything. The bullet vibe isn’t holding up well anymore. I decided to order a g-spot vibe, and I let him know that I had something coming. At first he said “good, get anything you want, you don’t spend any money on yourself”, but then I guess he got in his own head, and a few minutes later he started apologizing for not being able to please me anymore. He let it go and didn’t bring it back up after I told him he didn’t have anything he needed to apologize for. He doesn’t. He can’t help what his medications do to him, and he can’t go off them to make things better for us sexually. I don’t know how to make things better, though. I’m fine with limited penetrative sex. I would like nothing better right now than him holding me down and forcing an orgasm from me with my bullet vibe. I don’t know if he has any interest in that, though. He’s essentially vanilla, but has strayed very lightly into spanking and choking (at his own request), and although I liked both very much, he seemingly didn’t enjoy either himself, so they quickly left the repertoire. For this reason I don’t want to tell him how I want him to handle me. I would rather a fantasy not happen at all than it happen and learn that he only did it to make me happy, but wasn’t into it. I want him to be into whatever we do. I want him to be happy and have a fulfilling sexual relationship with me. So I don’t know how to fix things. submitted by /u/just_a_lurker_baby [link] [comments]
Warning: long post
As the title says. I know he isn’t intending to make me feel guilty, but he’s having a very difficult time with his ED and I don’t know how to help.
We’ve been married a long time. I don’t come from a religious background, but he was my first partner. I’ll be the first to admit that our sex life was never amazing, but it’s never been bad either. I had masturbated prior to our relationship, and during, but I had never made myself cum. It always felt good, and sex wasn’t something that my mom discussed with me, so I didn’t know I was missing anything.
When I started dating my husband I didn’t know anything was missing either. He did minimal foreplay, but had decent enough stamina during intercourse and it always felt good, so I didn’t worry. We enjoyed each other’s company and there weren’t any negatives that I could see, aside from missing orgasms (which I honestly thought I was having).
As I mentioned above, he was my first partner. I’ve had another since. About a year into our relationship he asked if I would be interested in having a 3some with one of his (M) friends. We discussed together amd decided to go for it. There’s not much to say about it, tbh, it only happened once and we’re all still friends (though not as close, as sometimes tends to happen over the course of 2 decades). There wasn’t any negativity or weirdness after that I noticed. This is really only to bring up that he was pretty open and sex positive early on in our relationship.
A couple years after we were married he was deployed to Iraq. He surprised me by buying a couple of toys for me. They were the first ones I ever had. He asked me to send pics and vids of me using it whenever I sent him a package. It was with these toys that I came for the first time and began learning about what I enjoyed.
When he came home, we continued using the toys (together and myself solo). We didn’t use them all the time, sometimes we just didn’t have the time because it takes me a long time to get there, but they still made the rotation, and if I needed to get off there wasn’t any issues with doing it myself. He’s bought me a new toy every now and then over the years as a surprise, and I’ve bought some for myself. It was always just a non issue. I didn’t have an issue with not finishing, because sex was always more than that anyway, and it was still good even if it wasn’t great.
I learned over the years that his lack of foreplay and attention was due to ADHD. He simply couldn’t keep on task and was impatient, to boot. But he put in effort in other areas and it didn’t seem to bother him that I needed “help”. We were both satisfied sexually, so I didn’t rock the boat.
About 5 years ago the VA put him on medication for depression and anxiety. He started having some issues with ED at this point. Prior to this we were having sex once a week, if not a couple of times a week. After, every 2 weeks was common. His stamina dropped like a rock. He was already seeing a therapist with the VA and he brought up his concerns. They discovered he had low testosterone and he started getting shots for that, but there really wasn’t much of a change. He wanted to try ED pills, but the VA is fairly opposed overall due to cost and will try all kinds of other things first (this will be referenced later in this story).
We kept on though, and and enjoyed what we could enjoy when we could enjoy.
About 3 years ago he started getting physically ill frequently. This further damaged our sex life, because he would get physically ill during/after sex. It was really bad, really quick, and he had many, many medical tests done to figure out what was happening to him. The only thing that they could find was an elevated white blood cell count that indicated an infection, but wouldn’t be resolved by antibiotics.
After pushing for a bone marrow biopsy (which the VA didn’t want to do because his WBC count was lower than what they thought it would be if he had leukemia) he was, unsurprisingly, diagnosed with CML. He was put on the meds he needed almost immediately. He still gets sick easily, but nothing like what it was before. Things got back to the way it was before he got sick, but not like when things were at their best, but that was ok. Things didn’t stay ok, though. Over the last 3 years of being on this medication his ED issues have worsened. What went from every week or 2 has now went to once a month or less, and it’s with great difficulty and goes quickly when it happens. To say he’s frustrated is an understatement.
During all these years he’s bought me a few different toys, and I’ve bought a few myself. The only hint of an issue with toys came last year. I ordered a rabbit for myself. I always wanted one, and my tried and true vibe had died. He knew I was ordering a new toy and didn’t say anything about it until it arrived, and then only to comment how big it was. I’m not going to lie here, thinking about how he felt about that toy ruined it for me. It was expensive and I used it twice and I didn’t enjoy it. I don’t know if I truly didn’t enjoy it, or if I was in my head and ruined it that way. Either way I’ve been taking care of things for the past year with a bullet vibe. No biggie.
During this past year he’s been pushing the VA as well. They still won’t go for meds for him, but prescribed him a penis pump. Listen to me when I tell you how demoralized he was over this. I can’t accurately put it into words.
He still sees his therapist regularly. We have sex whenever his body chooses to cooperate. He still has a desire for sex. I make sure to give him plenty of physical attention. I know that he’s been self-conscious lately about pleasing me (he’s told me pretty much after sex every time recently), so I have been trying to be discreet while we work through this. I’ve been honest with him when I tell him that I love him and sex is only part of everything.
The bullet vibe isn’t holding up well anymore.
I decided to order a g-spot vibe, and I let him know that I had something coming. At first he said “good, get anything you want, you don’t spend any money on yourself”, but then I guess he got in his own head, and a few minutes later he started apologizing for not being able to please me anymore. He let it go and didn’t bring it back up after I told him he didn’t have anything he needed to apologize for. He doesn’t. He can’t help what his medications do to him, and he can’t go off them to make things better for us sexually. I don’t know how to make things better, though. I’m fine with limited penetrative sex. I would like nothing better right now than him holding me down and forcing an orgasm from me with my bullet vibe. I don’t know if he has any interest in that, though. He’s essentially vanilla, but has strayed very lightly into spanking and choking (at his own request), and although I liked both very much, he seemingly didn’t enjoy either himself, so they quickly left the repertoire. For this reason I don’t want to tell him how I want him to handle me. I would rather a fantasy not happen at all than it happen and learn that he only did it to make me happy, but wasn’t into it. I want him to be into whatever we do. I want him to be happy and have a fulfilling sexual relationship with me.
So I don’t know how to fix things.
submitted by /u/just_a_lurker_baby
[link] [comments]