Me [22M] and my gf [21F] have been in a relationship for close to 4 years now. She’s always been shy, I’m her first boyfriend/kiss/sexual partner etc. She had a lot of body dysphoria issues initially, she was afraid of anything sexual, even kissing. Everything started very slow at first, it took a year and some untill she was even confortable touching me under my belt, much less me doing it to her. We worked on it, eventually we started fooling around, handjobs, then bj’s with condoms on, eventually she let me go down on her, she loved it, I was good at it since I’ve had experience before, and being with someone that I could teach was amazing even if somewhat frustrating.
We could never do PIV tho, she has vaginismus, we didn’t know before since we never tried it, anytime I’d get close to the entrance she’d stop me, that was fine. Once sex became easier we used to do it everywhere, on car trips, while travelling, my home, hers, even if just oral/hands, it was amazing for the both of us.
Last year around september we moved together for college, it was great, we’d have sex multiple times a day, we progressed a lot, there was laughing and crying etc. Sometimes we didn’t do it as often, either I was busy or she was stressed, but still multiple times a week.
I wasn’t the biggest fan of it, I felt like I was always initiating, I made it all about her all the time, I’d go down on her for as long as it took to get her there, but a lot of times she wouldn’t reciprocate, or would insist I’d wear condoms every time she went down on me, and even then she’d give up or stop after a few minutes. The dissapearance of enthusiasm and initiative on her part made me feel disgusting.
I don’t remeber when things changed, maybe last spring, that’s when we started having some issues with it. We went back home and she wasn’t confortable doing it there (even tho that’s where we did it before all the time, but I digress). We travelled in the summer, but we only did it once in our trip, next trip that lasted 9 days we didn’t do it at all, she’d shut me down if I mentioned anything even remotely sexual.
After we came back things didn’t improve, she said she just isn’t horny anymore and she doesn’t know why, she said she doesn’t even watch porn or masturbate anymore, and when she does it takes too long to get there. We talked about it, she mentioned getting her some toys (I also mentioned dilators for the vaginismus, but she said she doesn’t need them). I bought some and we tried introducing them.
Even with that, sex started dwindling down, it was nice experimenting with butt play and such but to no avail. Eventually we were down to once every two weeks, I’d either initiate and she’d shut me down, or we’d start and she’d lose interest midway. I talked to her about it but if I’d bring up the subject she’d either get unconfortablle, or if I tried to actually sit down and talk about it she’d shut down and cry, and I’d end up conforting her and dropping the subject.
It started affecting my mental health about 2-3 months ago, I was masturbating everyday, she would masturbate too sometimes with her dildo, but was still uninterested in sex. A few times that kinda hurt were when I initiated and she refused, only for me to go in the bedroom and seeing her masturbate.
I eventually bought her a dilator set and some more toys, trying to spice things up to get interested again. She loved them, she could only use the dildo on her clit since it was too big (4″), but has been using the dilators inside her ever since I’ve got them. She started masturbating to porn with them basically every day, she’d cum pretty quick, sometimes even multiple times a day.
Thing is she would only do it if I was out or busy, if I wasn’t and I’d ask if I can join or watch she’d say no, she even asked me to leave the room so she can masturbate. We haven’t had good sex in a while, it feels like now she only brings it up every two weeks since she knows it affects me.
When we start doing it she loves it, she offered a bj about 3 weeks ago, but didn’t want me to touch her, she went at it, got horny while doing it, got on top of me and we 69’d, if we start she always gets turned on eventually and enjoys it. A few days ago we cuddled and she got very wet, I asked if I can use the dilator on her, she said no, then changed her mind and said yes, I got it over but it was very dark and I couldn’t see well, I tried to put it in for a minute before she changed her mind and we stopped.
We did try anal during new year’s and she said she loved it but that was it. I feel so touch starved I don’t know what to do, she says nothing is wrong, that she find me attractive, that she loves me. We split chores evenly, I contribute more financially, we go on dates and we spend time together.
I know communication is the issue, I bring it up once a month but the same thing happens, she starts crying and goes mute, stops saying a word. I’d love any kind of info, no matter how blunt it is, I just need to know. This is the pourpose of this post.
I never thought that I’d ever post asking for advice here, but the past 4-5 months I’ve wasted too much time every day on this subject and on this and other subreddits, I feel like I can’t focus on my goals/studying because I spend too much time thinking about it. I stopped masturbating 3 weeks ago, can’t even watch porn anymore as I felt it started to go into denial/femdom type stuff due to the sexual frustration.
I probablly know what the actual reason is but I feel like I’m not strong enough to admit it, that’s the point of the post, I don’t have anyone to talk to about it and I just want some words so I can stop obsessing over it and focus on myself without all the intrusive thinking.
She literally came out of her room as I was writting this to eat a snack, asked her how she feels (she’s in the middle of some very difficult exams and she’s been a bit down), she said she just jerked off, she asked if I’m sad about it, I stopped saying I’m sad about it a while ago because then she wouldn’t even masturbate and would be in a worse mood overall. I initiated a few hours before, yesterday too. I feel like I get less interested in her by the day, and it hurts so much.
submitted by /u/Improvement2Less
[link] [comments]
r/sex tl:dr: We’ve been together for 4 years, live together for 1.5 years. I’m her first boyfriend. She has vaginismus and had other body issues / insecurities before she met me Sex started falling off cliff in the past 6 months If we try to communicate she shuts off/ cries / goes mute, says nothing is wrong, loves me, is attracted to me, is sexually interested in me etc She masturbates daily but turns me down always, when we do we almost always never finish the session Intrusive thougts eat me alive and I don’t know what to think anymore Me [22M] and my gf [21F] have been in a relationship for close to 4 years now. She’s always been shy, I’m her first boyfriend/kiss/sexual partner etc. She had a lot of body dysphoria issues initially, she was afraid of anything sexual, even kissing. Everything started very slow at first, it took a year and some untill she was even confortable touching me under my belt, much less me doing it to her. We worked on it, eventually we started fooling around, handjobs, then bj’s with condoms on, eventually she let me go down on her, she loved it, I was good at it since I’ve had experience before, and being with someone that I could teach was amazing even if somewhat frustrating. We could never do PIV tho, she has vaginismus, we didn’t know before since we never tried it, anytime I’d get close to the entrance she’d stop me, that was fine. Once sex became easier we used to do it everywhere, on car trips, while travelling, my home, hers, even if just oral/hands, it was amazing for the both of us. Last year around september we moved together for college, it was great, we’d have sex multiple times a day, we progressed a lot, there was laughing and crying etc. Sometimes we didn’t do it as often, either I was busy or she was stressed, but still multiple times a week. I wasn’t the biggest fan of it, I felt like I was always initiating, I made it all about her all the time, I’d go down on her for as long as it took to get her there, but a lot of times she wouldn’t reciprocate, or would insist I’d wear condoms every time she went down on me, and even then she’d give up or stop after a few minutes. The dissapearance of enthusiasm and initiative on her part made me feel disgusting. I don’t remeber when things changed, maybe last spring, that’s when we started having some issues with it. We went back home and she wasn’t confortable doing it there (even tho that’s where we did it before all the time, but I digress). We travelled in the summer, but we only did it once in our trip, next trip that lasted 9 days we didn’t do it at all, she’d shut me down if I mentioned anything even remotely sexual. After we came back things didn’t improve, she said she just isn’t horny anymore and she doesn’t know why, she said she doesn’t even watch porn or masturbate anymore, and when she does it takes too long to get there. We talked about it, she mentioned getting her some toys (I also mentioned dilators for the vaginismus, but she said she doesn’t need them). I bought some and we tried introducing them. Even with that, sex started dwindling down, it was nice experimenting with butt play and such but to no avail. Eventually we were down to once every two weeks, I’d either initiate and she’d shut me down, or we’d start and she’d lose interest midway. I talked to her about it but if I’d bring up the subject she’d either get unconfortablle, or if I tried to actually sit down and talk about it she’d shut down and cry, and I’d end up conforting her and dropping the subject. It started affecting my mental health about 2-3 months ago, I was masturbating everyday, she would masturbate too sometimes with her dildo, but was still uninterested in sex. A few times that kinda hurt were when I initiated and she refused, only for me to go in the bedroom and seeing her masturbate. I eventually bought her a dilator set and some more toys, trying to spice things up to get interested again. She loved them, she could only use the dildo on her clit since it was too big (4″), but has been using the dilators inside her ever since I’ve got them. She started masturbating to porn with them basically every day, she’d cum pretty quick, sometimes even multiple times a day. Thing is she would only do it if I was out or busy, if I wasn’t and I’d ask if I can join or watch she’d say no, she even asked me to leave the room so she can masturbate. We haven’t had good sex in a while, it feels like now she only brings it up every two weeks since she knows it affects me. When we start doing it she loves it, she offered a bj about 3 weeks ago, but didn’t want me to touch her, she went at it, got horny while doing it, got on top of me and we 69’d, if we start she always gets turned on eventually and enjoys it. A few days ago we cuddled and she got very wet, I asked if I can use the dilator on her, she said no, then changed her mind and said yes, I got it over but it was very dark and I couldn’t see well, I tried to put it in for a minute before she changed her mind and we stopped. We did try anal during new year’s and she said she loved it but that was it. I feel so touch starved I don’t know what to do, she says nothing is wrong, that she find me attractive, that she loves me. We split chores evenly, I contribute more financially, we go on dates and we spend time together. I know communication is the issue, I bring it up once a month but the same thing happens, she starts crying and goes mute, stops saying a word. I’d love any kind of info, no matter how blunt it is, I just need to know. This is the pourpose of this post. I never thought that I’d ever post asking for advice here, but the past 4-5 months I’ve wasted too much time every day on this subject and on this and other subreddits, I feel like I can’t focus on my goals/studying because I spend too much time thinking about it. I stopped masturbating 3 weeks ago, can’t even watch porn anymore as I felt it started to go into denial/femdom type stuff due to the sexual frustration. I probablly know what the actual reason is but I feel like I’m not strong enough to admit it, that’s the point of the post, I don’t have anyone to talk to about it and I just want some words so I can stop obsessing over it and focus on myself without all the intrusive thinking. She literally came out of her room as I was writting this to eat a snack, asked her how she feels (she’s in the middle of some very difficult exams and she’s been a bit down), she said she just jerked off, she asked if I’m sad about it, I stopped saying I’m sad about it a while ago because then she wouldn’t even masturbate and would be in a worse mood overall. I initiated a few hours before, yesterday too. I feel like I get less interested in her by the day, and it hurts so much. submitted by /u/Improvement2Less [link] [comments]
Me [22M] and my gf [21F] have been in a relationship for close to 4 years now. She’s always been shy, I’m her first boyfriend/kiss/sexual partner etc. She had a lot of body dysphoria issues initially, she was afraid of anything sexual, even kissing. Everything started very slow at first, it took a year and some untill she was even confortable touching me under my belt, much less me doing it to her. We worked on it, eventually we started fooling around, handjobs, then bj’s with condoms on, eventually she let me go down on her, she loved it, I was good at it since I’ve had experience before, and being with someone that I could teach was amazing even if somewhat frustrating.
We could never do PIV tho, she has vaginismus, we didn’t know before since we never tried it, anytime I’d get close to the entrance she’d stop me, that was fine. Once sex became easier we used to do it everywhere, on car trips, while travelling, my home, hers, even if just oral/hands, it was amazing for the both of us.
Last year around september we moved together for college, it was great, we’d have sex multiple times a day, we progressed a lot, there was laughing and crying etc. Sometimes we didn’t do it as often, either I was busy or she was stressed, but still multiple times a week.
I wasn’t the biggest fan of it, I felt like I was always initiating, I made it all about her all the time, I’d go down on her for as long as it took to get her there, but a lot of times she wouldn’t reciprocate, or would insist I’d wear condoms every time she went down on me, and even then she’d give up or stop after a few minutes. The dissapearance of enthusiasm and initiative on her part made me feel disgusting.
I don’t remeber when things changed, maybe last spring, that’s when we started having some issues with it. We went back home and she wasn’t confortable doing it there (even tho that’s where we did it before all the time, but I digress). We travelled in the summer, but we only did it once in our trip, next trip that lasted 9 days we didn’t do it at all, she’d shut me down if I mentioned anything even remotely sexual.
After we came back things didn’t improve, she said she just isn’t horny anymore and she doesn’t know why, she said she doesn’t even watch porn or masturbate anymore, and when she does it takes too long to get there. We talked about it, she mentioned getting her some toys (I also mentioned dilators for the vaginismus, but she said she doesn’t need them). I bought some and we tried introducing them.
Even with that, sex started dwindling down, it was nice experimenting with butt play and such but to no avail. Eventually we were down to once every two weeks, I’d either initiate and she’d shut me down, or we’d start and she’d lose interest midway. I talked to her about it but if I’d bring up the subject she’d either get unconfortablle, or if I tried to actually sit down and talk about it she’d shut down and cry, and I’d end up conforting her and dropping the subject.
It started affecting my mental health about 2-3 months ago, I was masturbating everyday, she would masturbate too sometimes with her dildo, but was still uninterested in sex. A few times that kinda hurt were when I initiated and she refused, only for me to go in the bedroom and seeing her masturbate.
I eventually bought her a dilator set and some more toys, trying to spice things up to get interested again. She loved them, she could only use the dildo on her clit since it was too big (4″), but has been using the dilators inside her ever since I’ve got them. She started masturbating to porn with them basically every day, she’d cum pretty quick, sometimes even multiple times a day.
Thing is she would only do it if I was out or busy, if I wasn’t and I’d ask if I can join or watch she’d say no, she even asked me to leave the room so she can masturbate. We haven’t had good sex in a while, it feels like now she only brings it up every two weeks since she knows it affects me.
When we start doing it she loves it, she offered a bj about 3 weeks ago, but didn’t want me to touch her, she went at it, got horny while doing it, got on top of me and we 69’d, if we start she always gets turned on eventually and enjoys it. A few days ago we cuddled and she got very wet, I asked if I can use the dilator on her, she said no, then changed her mind and said yes, I got it over but it was very dark and I couldn’t see well, I tried to put it in for a minute before she changed her mind and we stopped.
We did try anal during new year’s and she said she loved it but that was it. I feel so touch starved I don’t know what to do, she says nothing is wrong, that she find me attractive, that she loves me. We split chores evenly, I contribute more financially, we go on dates and we spend time together.
I know communication is the issue, I bring it up once a month but the same thing happens, she starts crying and goes mute, stops saying a word. I’d love any kind of info, no matter how blunt it is, I just need to know. This is the pourpose of this post.
I never thought that I’d ever post asking for advice here, but the past 4-5 months I’ve wasted too much time every day on this subject and on this and other subreddits, I feel like I can’t focus on my goals/studying because I spend too much time thinking about it. I stopped masturbating 3 weeks ago, can’t even watch porn anymore as I felt it started to go into denial/femdom type stuff due to the sexual frustration.
I probablly know what the actual reason is but I feel like I’m not strong enough to admit it, that’s the point of the post, I don’t have anyone to talk to about it and I just want some words so I can stop obsessing over it and focus on myself without all the intrusive thinking.
She literally came out of her room as I was writting this to eat a snack, asked her how she feels (she’s in the middle of some very difficult exams and she’s been a bit down), she said she just jerked off, she asked if I’m sad about it, I stopped saying I’m sad about it a while ago because then she wouldn’t even masturbate and would be in a worse mood overall. I initiated a few hours before, yesterday too. I feel like I get less interested in her by the day, and it hurts so much.
submitted by /u/Improvement2Less
[link] [comments]