My (M-20’s) partner (F-20’s) doesn’t really initiate, and isn’t really active during sex /u/True_Ad_134 Sex

I have been seeing this girl for a while and it’s been going great but the sex isn’t really there. I know it’s at the point where I need to have a discussion but I don’t know how to really talk about it. I have tried to talk with her generally about sex and her sexual preferences before and she just immediately shuts it down. I know the next step is talking about it but I’m worried that discussing it will do more harm than good so I guess I’m just looking for advice so I make sure I go about the conversation in the right way.

I guess the problem is threefold. A big part is that during sex, she is pretty much still the entire time. She will kiss and hug me, but regardless of the position she won’t really take an active role in actually idk what to call it, riding or grinding in penetrative sex. Like if I stop what I’m doing, so does all of the sex.

This is consistent with the foreplay and initiation too. I’m big on the importance of foreplay, so I will either use my hands or go down on her prior to sex. To date, of the 20 or so times we’ve had sex, I’ve done that every time and she’s done it once. Like I’m fine with her not wanting to give head but just feels one sided not having my dick addressed in foreplay. As for initiation, it has been from my end 100% of the time so far, if I don’t we just don’t have sex.

Majority of the sex is just me on top and it’s fine but as someone who gets off on feedback and engagement from my partner it’s lacking. To complicate things further she’s struggled with pain during sex and my size from the get go, so it’s kind of hard to know/believe she’s actually enjoying it as well.

She’s very physically affectionate in general just not as much sexually.

I know the next step is talking about it, but I’m worried if I don’t do it the right way it could make her insecure about the sex and just make things worse.

Has kind of left me feeling flat and I’m not as interested in the sex as I should be, so I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to approach a conversation about this.

I have been seeing this girl for a while and it’s been going great but the sex isn’t really there. I know it’s at the point where I need to have a discussion but I don’t know how to really talk about it. I have tried to talk with her generally about sex and her sexual preferences before and she just immediately shuts it down. I know the next step is talking about it but I’m worried that discussing it will do more harm than good so I guess I’m just looking for advice so I make sure I go about the conversation in the right way.

I guess the problem is threefold. A big part is that during sex, she is pretty much still the entire time. She will kiss and hug me, but regardless of the position she won’t really take an active role in actually idk what to call it, riding or grinding in penetrative sex. Like if I stop what I’m doing, so does all of the sex.

This is consistent with the foreplay and initiation too. I’m big on the importance of foreplay, so I will either use my hands or go down on her prior to sex. To date, of the 20 or so times we’ve had sex, I’ve done that every time and she’s done it once. Like I’m fine with her not wanting to give head but just feels one sided not having my dick addressed in foreplay. As for initiation, it has been from my end 100% of the time so far, if I don’t we just don’t have sex.

Majority of the sex is just me on top and it’s fine but as someone who gets off on feedback and engagement from my partner it’s lacking. To complicate things further she’s struggled with pain during sex and my size from the get go, so it’s kind of hard to know/believe she’s actually enjoying it as well.

She’s very physically affectionate in general just not as much sexually.

I know the next step is talking about it, but I’m worried if I don’t do it the right way it could make her insecure about the sex and just make things worse.

Has kind of left me feeling flat and I’m not as interested in the sex as I should be, so I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to approach a conversation about this.