I really need some intimacy advice..extremely confused and frustrated /u/Throwawayallmythings Sex

I’ve read the sidebar and I hope this is considered the right place to post this.

I need some intimacy advice..using a throwaway account for obvious reasons.

My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. During those 8 years, I can count on one hand how many times she has initiated sex. This is not an exaggeration, this is the actual figure. We only currently have sex once or twice a month. I will preface it by saying we are indeed going to therapy soon to seek help.

For many years, I just accepted it as our dynamic and went with it. Year 8 and it’s really starting to bother me at times. I’ve tried to talk to her on numerous occasions about this, we’ve discussed libidos, how many times I’d prefer, how many times she would, etc.

The discussion are…..interesting. She admits that her drive isn’t as strong as mine. I don’t even think mine is that high when I speak to friends…(I told her 2 times a week would be my ideal/realistic expectation with any partner). During the conversations, she usually acknowledges that my needs aren’t unreasonable and that I don’t have a crazy high libido so that should be ok. Issue is….she legit never initiates or brings up sex. Even sometimes when we go weeks without it…she just won’t. She has insecurity issues and at times tells me that she doesn’t feel good about herself or her aunt made a comment, etc..and when she’s feeling down, she has no desire to be intimate. She’s a fit, smart, normal girl..I’ve tried to help her manage her insecurities but it’s driving me up a wall now. We haven’t had any sex in over a month, last time I brought it up it became a huge issue and fight and lead to us seeking therapy (for a few other things as well that..fam issues, these reoccuring fights, etc..).

Please share similar personal experiences or any advice.

EDIT: maybe age is relevant here, I am 34 and she is 32.

I’ve read the sidebar and I hope this is considered the right place to post this.

I need some intimacy advice..using a throwaway account for obvious reasons.

My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. During those 8 years, I can count on one hand how many times she has initiated sex. This is not an exaggeration, this is the actual figure. We only currently have sex once or twice a month. I will preface it by saying we are indeed going to therapy soon to seek help.

For many years, I just accepted it as our dynamic and went with it. Year 8 and it’s really starting to bother me at times. I’ve tried to talk to her on numerous occasions about this, we’ve discussed libidos, how many times I’d prefer, how many times she would, etc.

The discussion are…..interesting. She admits that her drive isn’t as strong as mine. I don’t even think mine is that high when I speak to friends…(I told her 2 times a week would be my ideal/realistic expectation with any partner). During the conversations, she usually acknowledges that my needs aren’t unreasonable and that I don’t have a crazy high libido so that should be ok. Issue is….she legit never initiates or brings up sex. Even sometimes when we go weeks without it…she just won’t. She has insecurity issues and at times tells me that she doesn’t feel good about herself or her aunt made a comment, etc..and when she’s feeling down, she has no desire to be intimate. She’s a fit, smart, normal girl..I’ve tried to help her manage her insecurities but it’s driving me up a wall now. We haven’t had any sex in over a month, last time I brought it up it became a huge issue and fight and lead to us seeking therapy (for a few other things as well that..fam issues, these reoccuring fights, etc..).

Please share similar personal experiences or any advice.

EDIT: maybe age is relevant here, I am 34 and she is 32.