tl;dr my boyfriend says he feels like he’s been only giving about 70-80% of himself in bed and he doesn’t know what’s happening. He says it’s not me and that he’s still getting pleasure like he used to but he feels like I’m not enjoying myself as much due to a supposed dip in his performance. What do I make of this? Anything I can do to dispel this idea?
My boyfriend and I were talking about sex yesterday and he dropped the bomb that he’s been feeling like he hasn’t been giving 100% of himself in bed lately, and he doesn’t know how to fix that.
I immediately got worried thinking that he hasn’t been getting as much pleasure as he used to, but he says it’s not the case, that he feels like he’s letting me down.
I don’t know how he could have gotten that impression. I make a point not to fake or exaggerate orgasms but I give plenty of positive reinforcement and I make no secret of the fact that I find him extremely sexually attractive and I think he’s very good in bed.
For context, we’ve been dating for 3 months this week, and he struggles with self-esteem and adequacy issues, especially when it comes to masculinity and relationships. He’s also a massive perfectionist and a workaholic, and is physically incapable to abandon a task before it’s completed to his standards, even if it’s something beyond his skillset (he’s gotten into amateur plumbing lately – it’s been “fun”).
My fear is that the reason he feels like he can’t perform like he used to is because I don’t “inspire” him anymore. Maybe he feels like we’re leaving the honeymoon phase and getting comfortable, and that part of the spark is gone. I would hate for that to happen. But I don’t want to saddle him with my own insecurities when he’s struggling with his own, and I want him to feel like he can tell me all sorts of things, even uncomfortable things (especially uncomfortable things) instead of letting them fester in secret because he doesn’t want to upset me.
What do you think he means and how we get past this? Below I’ve transcribed our texts, translated. I tried to keep the tone intact as much as possible.
Him: I really hope I’m doing a good job, but I confess, lately I’ve been feeling out of my own control. Almost like I don’t know exactly what I’m doing
Me: What do you mean?
H: I think you’re just getting about 70% of me. But I don’t know where the other 30% have gone.
M: Jesus, if that’s you at 70%…
H: Maybe 80% then.
M: Lately you’ve been giving me some of the deepest orgasms I’ve ever had with somebody else. I’m not saying that to stroke your ego, it’s just how it is. But, is everything OK with you? I don’t want you to feel like something’s missing.
H: How so?
M: I don’t know, you got me a little worried there.
H: It’s not you. You’re giving me plenty.
M: Still. If you’re under the impression that you’re doing a bad job, or that you could be better. I don’t want you to get stuck in that headspace.
(we talk about a couple other things)
M: Back to that topic. Does that mean you’re getting 70/80% of the pleasure you used to have?
H: No. At least I think not.
M: If you want to stop talking about this we can, I’m just curious.
H: I feel I could be doing more for you and I’m not. It’s like a broken battery. It says it’s fully charged but it’s only like 80% and doesn’t get any higher
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r/sex tl;dr my boyfriend says he feels like he’s been only giving about 70-80% of himself in bed and he doesn’t know what’s happening. He says it’s not me and that he’s still getting pleasure like he used to but he feels like I’m not enjoying myself as much due to a supposed dip in his performance. What do I make of this? Anything I can do to dispel this idea? My boyfriend and I were talking about sex yesterday and he dropped the bomb that he’s been feeling like he hasn’t been giving 100% of himself in bed lately, and he doesn’t know how to fix that. I immediately got worried thinking that he hasn’t been getting as much pleasure as he used to, but he says it’s not the case, that he feels like he’s letting me down. I don’t know how he could have gotten that impression. I make a point not to fake or exaggerate orgasms but I give plenty of positive reinforcement and I make no secret of the fact that I find him extremely sexually attractive and I think he’s very good in bed. For context, we’ve been dating for 3 months this week, and he struggles with self-esteem and adequacy issues, especially when it comes to masculinity and relationships. He’s also a massive perfectionist and a workaholic, and is physically incapable to abandon a task before it’s completed to his standards, even if it’s something beyond his skillset (he’s gotten into amateur plumbing lately – it’s been “fun”). My fear is that the reason he feels like he can’t perform like he used to is because I don’t “inspire” him anymore. Maybe he feels like we’re leaving the honeymoon phase and getting comfortable, and that part of the spark is gone. I would hate for that to happen. But I don’t want to saddle him with my own insecurities when he’s struggling with his own, and I want him to feel like he can tell me all sorts of things, even uncomfortable things (especially uncomfortable things) instead of letting them fester in secret because he doesn’t want to upset me. What do you think he means and how we get past this? Below I’ve transcribed our texts, translated. I tried to keep the tone intact as much as possible. Him: I really hope I’m doing a good job, but I confess, lately I’ve been feeling out of my own control. Almost like I don’t know exactly what I’m doing Me: What do you mean? H: I think you’re just getting about 70% of me. But I don’t know where the other 30% have gone. M: Jesus, if that’s you at 70%… H: Maybe 80% then. M: Lately you’ve been giving me some of the deepest orgasms I’ve ever had with somebody else. I’m not saying that to stroke your ego, it’s just how it is. But, is everything OK with you? I don’t want you to feel like something’s missing. H: How so? M: I don’t know, you got me a little worried there. H: It’s not you. You’re giving me plenty. M: Still. If you’re under the impression that you’re doing a bad job, or that you could be better. I don’t want you to get stuck in that headspace. (we talk about a couple other things) M: Back to that topic. Does that mean you’re getting 70/80% of the pleasure you used to have? H: No. At least I think not. M: If you want to stop talking about this we can, I’m just curious. H: I feel I could be doing more for you and I’m not. It’s like a broken battery. It says it’s fully charged but it’s only like 80% and doesn’t get any higher submitted by /u/ghostbirdd [link] [comments]
tl;dr my boyfriend says he feels like he’s been only giving about 70-80% of himself in bed and he doesn’t know what’s happening. He says it’s not me and that he’s still getting pleasure like he used to but he feels like I’m not enjoying myself as much due to a supposed dip in his performance. What do I make of this? Anything I can do to dispel this idea?
My boyfriend and I were talking about sex yesterday and he dropped the bomb that he’s been feeling like he hasn’t been giving 100% of himself in bed lately, and he doesn’t know how to fix that.
I immediately got worried thinking that he hasn’t been getting as much pleasure as he used to, but he says it’s not the case, that he feels like he’s letting me down.
I don’t know how he could have gotten that impression. I make a point not to fake or exaggerate orgasms but I give plenty of positive reinforcement and I make no secret of the fact that I find him extremely sexually attractive and I think he’s very good in bed.
For context, we’ve been dating for 3 months this week, and he struggles with self-esteem and adequacy issues, especially when it comes to masculinity and relationships. He’s also a massive perfectionist and a workaholic, and is physically incapable to abandon a task before it’s completed to his standards, even if it’s something beyond his skillset (he’s gotten into amateur plumbing lately – it’s been “fun”).
My fear is that the reason he feels like he can’t perform like he used to is because I don’t “inspire” him anymore. Maybe he feels like we’re leaving the honeymoon phase and getting comfortable, and that part of the spark is gone. I would hate for that to happen. But I don’t want to saddle him with my own insecurities when he’s struggling with his own, and I want him to feel like he can tell me all sorts of things, even uncomfortable things (especially uncomfortable things) instead of letting them fester in secret because he doesn’t want to upset me.
What do you think he means and how we get past this? Below I’ve transcribed our texts, translated. I tried to keep the tone intact as much as possible.
Him: I really hope I’m doing a good job, but I confess, lately I’ve been feeling out of my own control. Almost like I don’t know exactly what I’m doing
Me: What do you mean?
H: I think you’re just getting about 70% of me. But I don’t know where the other 30% have gone.
M: Jesus, if that’s you at 70%…
H: Maybe 80% then.
M: Lately you’ve been giving me some of the deepest orgasms I’ve ever had with somebody else. I’m not saying that to stroke your ego, it’s just how it is. But, is everything OK with you? I don’t want you to feel like something’s missing.
H: How so?
M: I don’t know, you got me a little worried there.
H: It’s not you. You’re giving me plenty.
M: Still. If you’re under the impression that you’re doing a bad job, or that you could be better. I don’t want you to get stuck in that headspace.
(we talk about a couple other things)
M: Back to that topic. Does that mean you’re getting 70/80% of the pleasure you used to have?
H: No. At least I think not.
M: If you want to stop talking about this we can, I’m just curious.
H: I feel I could be doing more for you and I’m not. It’s like a broken battery. It says it’s fully charged but it’s only like 80% and doesn’t get any higher
submitted by /u/ghostbirdd
[link] [comments]