boyfriend is being an asshole & i’m considering an open relationship for the wrong reasons /u/twrkfckk Sex

while i have considered dumping him i’m not ready to do so just yet so actual advice will be appreciated.

i (f27) feel stupid for feeling less-then about myself because of my current boyfriend (let’s call him J, m32). i know many men and women would feel lucky to have me as their girlfriend (i take good care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, i’m such a companion for those i love, i’m kind as hell and i’m sexually open minded; he has said multiple times there’s not many women like me out there). but J is being very successful in making me feel like shit when it comes to sex.

i remember us discussing having high sex drives when we first met, i thought we could be a good fit but i’m not sure anymore. i’ve reached a point where i’m angry, i want things to be okay but i’m not sure how to make it better.

i remember feeling weirded out for the first time when he said “hey, just so you, i don’t mind if you don’t shave your vagina. if you’re ever too busy to get waxed or just don’t feel like doing it i don’t mind it at all”; i found it cool, as he’s very hairy too, he trims and is always smelling fresh but nevertheless; coincidentally we spent the next week together and my pubes started growing back, so he started giving me oral but stopped midway through, later he explained that he couldn’t go on because i haven’t shaved, i was like what the fuck? he replied “i was talking i didn’t mind if you don’t shave for PIV but for oral i do mind it”. so yeah not the coolest thing to hear. we talked things through but i had trouble feeling fully relaxed during sex with him for the next days.

other time we had a fight because we were having sex one afternoon, he had his orgasm, but when it came to mine he said he was too tired and told me he would make it up to me the next day. i understand feeling tired but he has this thing where he will just give up making me orgasm and it makes me frustrated because i would never do it to him. it has happened so many times, the first times i was comprehensive (i would never want him to go on know he’s tired but now he just gives up and wants to try the next day; then i’m just not horny the next day and things get frustrating). i just keep remembering a conversation we had when we where getting to know each other, he said “i’m pretty much addicted to sex, i could play with a vagina all day”. now i see that’s not quite true. he seems way too okay with leaving me unsatisfied. i tried talking to him about it, he told me he doesn’t want to feel obligated to make me orgasm because he had a traumatic situation when he was younger and his ex girlfriend would act like if he didn’t make her cum, she would leave him. we talked things through and everything seemed to be okay between us. i was still slightly uncomfortable but hoping he would change his behavior.

then i decided to talk to him about squirting (i’m a squirter and up until that point i had been keeping it in or just going to pee because i didn’t know how we would react), he told me he would love it if i did squirt while having sex with him, it would make him feel great like he was good at sex, he would love having me squirt all over him and whatnot. i specifically told him i was worried because one time i almost did it but it was in his bed and we didn’t put a towel down, he said “you should have just done it, it would be great, you shouldn’t worry about the mess, just about having a good moment with me”. so i was like, cool. first time i did squirt it was fine, he said it was great and stuff, but afterwards he looked too bothered by the cleanup (we did it together). the second time i squirted he stopped everything he was doing and said “i just changed those sheets yesterday”. it sucked because his face looked upset. no woman or man wants to hear any of that during sex. and it made me feel like i’m disgusting. but we talked and things seemed to be fine again.

another sucky day, AFTER he gave me oral and i took so long to cum because i couldn’t fully relax, he says “if you want oral you should shave”, i told him that was not fair because i didn’t even ask him to do it, he just started giving me head after he came from PIV and i accepted it. his answer? “i didn’t want you to complain about not cumming today”. i got mad and left.

the last straw to me was last week, he asked me to go to his place, he was sad he had lost his job, it was late at night but i went there to comfort him). i forced myself to listen to his feelings (i was tired from working all day, i also have chronic fatigue so when i’m tired i’m DONE for the day, i need my sleep and i’ll get moody, but i was worried about him, wanted to make sure he felt heard, and for him to feel better). after about an hour of him venting he goes “i think i wanna have sex to feel better. i know this is selfish but do you mind if i cum and you don’t? i just don’t have the patience to make you cum today”. i was like “if you knew it was selfish why did you ask?” and we fought again. his use of the word patience bothered me a lot. he said his back was hurting way too much for him to be able to give me oral. i told him that was not the only option, if he gave a shit about my pleasure he wouldn’t just give up, and the fact that he always refused to talk things through to work something out, some other position or another way both of us could cum made me angry, he just made the decision for himself and left me unsatisfied. he said “i love to make you orgasm when i want to do so, but today…” and it looked like he held himself back from saying today he didn’t want to make me orgasm. i told him i thought he was taking me for granted, i did not feel like the amazing woman he said he saw me as in the beginning because he was making me feel like absolute crap. i came home and things have been weirder since then.

i can’t stop thinking of this. he has expressed wanting to have a threesome before, i love the idea, but i don’t see him deserving this privilege from me. same with anal, i’m dying to try it, but i doubt he would have the care and sensibility (and most of all, patience) it takes to do it for the first time with a woman.

i expressed to him i’m being left so unsatisfied so many times, and i’m thinking of opening up our relationship so i can get with someone who can, won’t mind, and will LOVE to please me as much as be pleased by me.

the thing is i never really wanted an open relationship before, i like being monogamous. but this situation has made me feel so many things, i just wanna have some fucking great, fun, fulfilling, carefree sex. i have this girl that’s interested in me (i’m bi), she always kinda flirted with me but i always took it as a joke, until a mutual friend told me she actually had a crush on me and she expressed wanting us to have sex. she’s very fun too and so sexy. i’ve been thinking about her non stop.

i don’t wanna break up with J, he does have a good side, but he said himself sex was a big deal to him, it is to me too and it’s been awful. idk, any serious advice is welcome

while i have considered dumping him i’m not ready to do so just yet so actual advice will be appreciated.

i (f27) feel stupid for feeling less-then about myself because of my current boyfriend (let’s call him J, m32). i know many men and women would feel lucky to have me as their girlfriend (i take good care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, i’m such a companion for those i love, i’m kind as hell and i’m sexually open minded; he has said multiple times there’s not many women like me out there). but J is being very successful in making me feel like shit when it comes to sex.

i remember us discussing having high sex drives when we first met, i thought we could be a good fit but i’m not sure anymore. i’ve reached a point where i’m angry, i want things to be okay but i’m not sure how to make it better.

i remember feeling weirded out for the first time when he said “hey, just so you, i don’t mind if you don’t shave your vagina. if you’re ever too busy to get waxed or just don’t feel like doing it i don’t mind it at all”; i found it cool, as he’s very hairy too, he trims and is always smelling fresh but nevertheless; coincidentally we spent the next week together and my pubes started growing back, so he started giving me oral but stopped midway through, later he explained that he couldn’t go on because i haven’t shaved, i was like what the fuck? he replied “i was talking i didn’t mind if you don’t shave for PIV but for oral i do mind it”. so yeah not the coolest thing to hear. we talked things through but i had trouble feeling fully relaxed during sex with him for the next days.

other time we had a fight because we were having sex one afternoon, he had his orgasm, but when it came to mine he said he was too tired and told me he would make it up to me the next day. i understand feeling tired but he has this thing where he will just give up making me orgasm and it makes me frustrated because i would never do it to him. it has happened so many times, the first times i was comprehensive (i would never want him to go on know he’s tired but now he just gives up and wants to try the next day; then i’m just not horny the next day and things get frustrating). i just keep remembering a conversation we had when we where getting to know each other, he said “i’m pretty much addicted to sex, i could play with a vagina all day”. now i see that’s not quite true. he seems way too okay with leaving me unsatisfied. i tried talking to him about it, he told me he doesn’t want to feel obligated to make me orgasm because he had a traumatic situation when he was younger and his ex girlfriend would act like if he didn’t make her cum, she would leave him. we talked things through and everything seemed to be okay between us. i was still slightly uncomfortable but hoping he would change his behavior.

then i decided to talk to him about squirting (i’m a squirter and up until that point i had been keeping it in or just going to pee because i didn’t know how we would react), he told me he would love it if i did squirt while having sex with him, it would make him feel great like he was good at sex, he would love having me squirt all over him and whatnot. i specifically told him i was worried because one time i almost did it but it was in his bed and we didn’t put a towel down, he said “you should have just done it, it would be great, you shouldn’t worry about the mess, just about having a good moment with me”. so i was like, cool. first time i did squirt it was fine, he said it was great and stuff, but afterwards he looked too bothered by the cleanup (we did it together). the second time i squirted he stopped everything he was doing and said “i just changed those sheets yesterday”. it sucked because his face looked upset. no woman or man wants to hear any of that during sex. and it made me feel like i’m disgusting. but we talked and things seemed to be fine again.

another sucky day, AFTER he gave me oral and i took so long to cum because i couldn’t fully relax, he says “if you want oral you should shave”, i told him that was not fair because i didn’t even ask him to do it, he just started giving me head after he came from PIV and i accepted it. his answer? “i didn’t want you to complain about not cumming today”. i got mad and left.

the last straw to me was last week, he asked me to go to his place, he was sad he had lost his job, it was late at night but i went there to comfort him). i forced myself to listen to his feelings (i was tired from working all day, i also have chronic fatigue so when i’m tired i’m DONE for the day, i need my sleep and i’ll get moody, but i was worried about him, wanted to make sure he felt heard, and for him to feel better). after about an hour of him venting he goes “i think i wanna have sex to feel better. i know this is selfish but do you mind if i cum and you don’t? i just don’t have the patience to make you cum today”. i was like “if you knew it was selfish why did you ask?” and we fought again. his use of the word patience bothered me a lot. he said his back was hurting way too much for him to be able to give me oral. i told him that was not the only option, if he gave a shit about my pleasure he wouldn’t just give up, and the fact that he always refused to talk things through to work something out, some other position or another way both of us could cum made me angry, he just made the decision for himself and left me unsatisfied. he said “i love to make you orgasm when i want to do so, but today…” and it looked like he held himself back from saying today he didn’t want to make me orgasm. i told him i thought he was taking me for granted, i did not feel like the amazing woman he said he saw me as in the beginning because he was making me feel like absolute crap. i came home and things have been weirder since then.

i can’t stop thinking of this. he has expressed wanting to have a threesome before, i love the idea, but i don’t see him deserving this privilege from me. same with anal, i’m dying to try it, but i doubt he would have the care and sensibility (and most of all, patience) it takes to do it for the first time with a woman.

i expressed to him i’m being left so unsatisfied so many times, and i’m thinking of opening up our relationship so i can get with someone who can, won’t mind, and will LOVE to please me as much as be pleased by me.

the thing is i never really wanted an open relationship before, i like being monogamous. but this situation has made me feel so many things, i just wanna have some fucking great, fun, fulfilling, carefree sex. i have this girl that’s interested in me (i’m bi), she always kinda flirted with me but i always took it as a joke, until a mutual friend told me she actually had a crush on me and she expressed wanting us to have sex. she’s very fun too and so sexy. i’ve been thinking about her non stop.

i don’t wanna break up with J, he does have a good side, but he said himself sex was a big deal to him, it is to me too and it’s been awful. idk, any serious advice is welcome