Boyfriend (30M) and I (26F) can’t seem to change our super boring sex life. /u/Throwaway8_8_0 Sex

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and our relationship is awesome but we really struggle with our sex life. 95% of the time we do little to no foreplay followed by maybe 5 minutes of missionary until we both come, he almost always uses a vibrator on me and the combo of vibe and piv works for me.

It’s not unpleasant but I am so bored. I initiate sex 9/10 times, and he often turns me down because he’s too tired. I have communicated to him that I want to have more frequent, more fun sex but nothing ever really changes.

For some background, before we met I was pretty heavily into kink as a bottom. I love being incapacitated and used and told what to do. I am pretty anxious in real life so having some forceful direction really works for me. I both enjoy it and it takes some of the guesswork out of sex. I have told my boyfriend this, and he says he is a big fan of being dominant, but other than a little light choking and smacking my ass he almost never acts like a real Dominant during sex. Once in a great while he does—he will break out the box of restraints and floggers and we’ll have some fun. But that only happens maybe twice a year at most.

My boyfriend has told me that I could do more during sex to make it more fun, as I tend to just lie there. I think that’s a totally fair point, but I’ve also made it clear to him that I really need some direction on what to do. He doesn’t give me any other than “show you want my cock”. I don’t know if there’s some way to be more creative here, but I usually try to initiate sex by either straight up grabbing his dick or by pawing at him and being flirty and kissing him. He rejects me half the time anyway and the other half just leads to the same boring sex we always have.

I don’t know what to do. We have had conversations about spicing things up so many times but it never leads anywhere. I really struggle with being verbal during sex so I really can’t up the dirty talk. I’m super tired of initiating. And I don’t know what else I can do physically to make things more fun.

Any advice or ideas are welcome.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and our relationship is awesome but we really struggle with our sex life. 95% of the time we do little to no foreplay followed by maybe 5 minutes of missionary until we both come, he almost always uses a vibrator on me and the combo of vibe and piv works for me.

It’s not unpleasant but I am so bored. I initiate sex 9/10 times, and he often turns me down because he’s too tired. I have communicated to him that I want to have more frequent, more fun sex but nothing ever really changes.

For some background, before we met I was pretty heavily into kink as a bottom. I love being incapacitated and used and told what to do. I am pretty anxious in real life so having some forceful direction really works for me. I both enjoy it and it takes some of the guesswork out of sex. I have told my boyfriend this, and he says he is a big fan of being dominant, but other than a little light choking and smacking my ass he almost never acts like a real Dominant during sex. Once in a great while he does—he will break out the box of restraints and floggers and we’ll have some fun. But that only happens maybe twice a year at most.

My boyfriend has told me that I could do more during sex to make it more fun, as I tend to just lie there. I think that’s a totally fair point, but I’ve also made it clear to him that I really need some direction on what to do. He doesn’t give me any other than “show you want my cock”. I don’t know if there’s some way to be more creative here, but I usually try to initiate sex by either straight up grabbing his dick or by pawing at him and being flirty and kissing him. He rejects me half the time anyway and the other half just leads to the same boring sex we always have.

I don’t know what to do. We have had conversations about spicing things up so many times but it never leads anywhere. I really struggle with being verbal during sex so I really can’t up the dirty talk. I’m super tired of initiating. And I don’t know what else I can do physically to make things more fun.

Any advice or ideas are welcome.