Taking it slow or insecurity? /u/Definitive_Capybara Sex

Tldr; how to put inexperienced partner at ease that every pace is ok, that every desire can be expressed safely?

I’m getting mixed signals from the man I’ve been seeing for a few weeks in terms of how he approaches intimacy. We’re similarly experienced having had one partner beforehand, but he hadn’t been with anyone for a decade so I understand there’s a certain newness and element of holy-shit-finally involved. However, we mostly cuddle and make out and I feel creepy if I initiate more because he seems so content with just that, but like he’s in awe that we’re doing something at all. We are both somewhat awkward people, so I don’t think he’d push me further even if he wanted to – it’s really a strange dynamic, he’s given me oral but has yet to actually touch my genitals during any activity.

E.g. I learned he’d never received a blowjob at age 35 – right after I’d given him one. Until then, I didn’t know if he was hesitant because he had other preferences, didn’t feel like it temporarily, or was worried about me not enjoying doing it. Actually, it was mostly the latter besides not having done it before (previous partner rejected oral). I’d rather not have such worries on his part and confusion on my part in the future.

I don’t know how to tell if he’s just taking it slow, insecure, not much into “more” etc. From what we’d discussed before getting intimate, I would have assumed him to have a relatively high libido, so it’s doubly puzzling. While my initiative so far has got very positive, if very astonished, feedback from him, I also don’t want him to be oddly grateful for things I actually enjoy. I’m absolutely happy with the current level, I just want both of us to be able to express ourselves and not make assumptions.

We normally have a direct communication style, but in this particular matter it might be a bit more delicate because I don’t want to trigger any insecurities. So, how do we have this conversation?

Tldr; how to put inexperienced partner at ease that every pace is ok, that every desire can be expressed safely?

I’m getting mixed signals from the man I’ve been seeing for a few weeks in terms of how he approaches intimacy. We’re similarly experienced having had one partner beforehand, but he hadn’t been with anyone for a decade so I understand there’s a certain newness and element of holy-shit-finally involved. However, we mostly cuddle and make out and I feel creepy if I initiate more because he seems so content with just that, but like he’s in awe that we’re doing something at all. We are both somewhat awkward people, so I don’t think he’d push me further even if he wanted to – it’s really a strange dynamic, he’s given me oral but has yet to actually touch my genitals during any activity.

E.g. I learned he’d never received a blowjob at age 35 – right after I’d given him one. Until then, I didn’t know if he was hesitant because he had other preferences, didn’t feel like it temporarily, or was worried about me not enjoying doing it. Actually, it was mostly the latter besides not having done it before (previous partner rejected oral). I’d rather not have such worries on his part and confusion on my part in the future.

I don’t know how to tell if he’s just taking it slow, insecure, not much into “more” etc. From what we’d discussed before getting intimate, I would have assumed him to have a relatively high libido, so it’s doubly puzzling. While my initiative so far has got very positive, if very astonished, feedback from him, I also don’t want him to be oddly grateful for things I actually enjoy. I’m absolutely happy with the current level, I just want both of us to be able to express ourselves and not make assumptions.

We normally have a direct communication style, but in this particular matter it might be a bit more delicate because I don’t want to trigger any insecurities. So, how do we have this conversation?