She never found me sexually attractive, but had sex with me for 7 years /u/I_Do_Be_Confused Sex

Hi,

tldr; ex enjoyed the sex, but didn’t want to do it too often. Then she told me that she had never been sexually attracted to me.

Maybe I should have posted this on relationships, but I think I’d prefer to hear it here because the problem was sexual in nature.

I (28M) recently broke up with my (F28) girlfriend of 7 years after she admitted to me, after years of trying to get our sex lives going that she never found me sexually attractive, but wanted to keep the relationship going. This didn’t come from a place of anger, more from a deep remorse that she felt that she had to tell me.

I was pretty hurt to hear this, but sadly wasn’t exactly surprised because outside of some legitimate long term reasons we couldn’t have sex (her being ill), there always seemed to be some reason or another she wouldn’t want to, leading to a lot of insecurity on my end about whether I was attractive. I didn’t bring this up with her because I thought that doing so would make her give me pity sex, I’m not about that.

She would complain of a low libido, trying different kinds of birth control, trying new things in the bedroom and masturbating more to “activate herself” I think in a normal period of time we might do it once every week or two.

I’m posting because I’m a little bit confused. Every time we had sex, she would get off, and seemed to really enjoy it, it was more the getting the sex that was the problem. But I’d read about how some people can be more “reactive” and assumed that she was one of those. She truly tried her best to increase her sex drive to match mine a little better, and I remained patient and tried to accept that process because everything outside of it was perfect, but obviously once she told me her true feelings I had to leave her.

I understand that one persons opinion, no matter how important they were to me is true of every woman. I’m pretty average looking, but funny and a, good person to talk to. I don’t think I’ll have too much trouble finding love. But to help me move on, I’d like to know if anyone here has had this happen to them, particularly from the other side. I’m thinking a lot about this, because to me, it makes no sense. How can you love someone, have a relationship with them for 7 years and continue to have sex with them, when you don’t find them sexually attractive?

Hi,

tldr; ex enjoyed the sex, but didn’t want to do it too often. Then she told me that she had never been sexually attracted to me.

Maybe I should have posted this on relationships, but I think I’d prefer to hear it here because the problem was sexual in nature.

I (28M) recently broke up with my (F28) girlfriend of 7 years after she admitted to me, after years of trying to get our sex lives going that she never found me sexually attractive, but wanted to keep the relationship going. This didn’t come from a place of anger, more from a deep remorse that she felt that she had to tell me.

I was pretty hurt to hear this, but sadly wasn’t exactly surprised because outside of some legitimate long term reasons we couldn’t have sex (her being ill), there always seemed to be some reason or another she wouldn’t want to, leading to a lot of insecurity on my end about whether I was attractive. I didn’t bring this up with her because I thought that doing so would make her give me pity sex, I’m not about that.

She would complain of a low libido, trying different kinds of birth control, trying new things in the bedroom and masturbating more to “activate herself” I think in a normal period of time we might do it once every week or two.

I’m posting because I’m a little bit confused. Every time we had sex, she would get off, and seemed to really enjoy it, it was more the getting the sex that was the problem. But I’d read about how some people can be more “reactive” and assumed that she was one of those. She truly tried her best to increase her sex drive to match mine a little better, and I remained patient and tried to accept that process because everything outside of it was perfect, but obviously once she told me her true feelings I had to leave her.

I understand that one persons opinion, no matter how important they were to me is true of every woman. I’m pretty average looking, but funny and a, good person to talk to. I don’t think I’ll have too much trouble finding love. But to help me move on, I’d like to know if anyone here has had this happen to them, particularly from the other side. I’m thinking a lot about this, because to me, it makes no sense. How can you love someone, have a relationship with them for 7 years and continue to have sex with them, when you don’t find them sexually attractive?