Hi everyone, I hope this is an appropriate place to post something like this! I have a particular set of troubles related to sex and I’ve never found any instances of anyone else experiencing anything similar, and I’m finally looking for a therapist and wondering if a sex therapist would be appropriate or if it would make sense to seek out a, for a lack of a better term, “regular” therapist.
Bit of a long story/vent here, feel free to skip to the TL;DR if you like, but I’m really interested to know some thoughts on my experience.
Basically, I (25M), without any past trauma or provoking incident, developed kind of a phobia-like reaction towards vaginas around 8 or 9 years ago. Was reading a sex scene in the Song of Ice and Fire series in school, felt a little bothered and then just passed out, and was never really the same after. It’s hard to explain but I think it’s similar to how irrational fears are for many people. Conceptually/logically I understand there’s nothing wrong, and I’ve spent plenty of time over the years since trying to make sure that I understand women’s anatomy pretty well in order to diminish any “alienness” of it, but when I see a vagina or think about it too much, it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable and lightheaded, and I feel this uncomfortable tingling in my fingers. Unfortunately over the years this has expanded to a general discomfort around orifices and general interior anatomy, with belly buttons especially bothering me, and even on my own body I become quite uncomfortable when I pay attention to visible veins or bones.
And that leads to the other big part of this, which is that I am definitely not asexual, and in response to my development of this phobia in high school I started to lean towards bigger women in the porn I would watch, partially because from many positions the vagina was less visible. Over the years my tastes have become more extreme with larger and larger women, and I basically exclusively feel sexual attraction to them. To be clear, I don’t consider me being attracted to plus size women a problem or a disease that needs to be fixed, but my tastes have become so exclusive and specific that it really complicates and worsens my experience when it comes to dating.
In past months I’ve been feeling more and more ready and longing to start dating and have someone in my life, but my experience is really hurt by the double whammy of 1. feeling that I can only potentially be sexually attracted to big women, and 2. Even if I were dating someone I was very attracted to, when it comes to actual sex it’s a total unknown how I will react mentally when confronted with a vagina.
I consider myself a very sex-positive person and hate that the end result of this is that, to someone who doesn’t know my full situation, I’d seem like some stereotypical fuckboy who is grossed out by giving oral or something. If/when I ever have sex I want to be able to put effort into pleasing someone and I want to be able to enjoy that myself, but for some reason the concept of female pleasure sets off some kind of alarms in my brain. There’s always a chance that instinct will take over and things would go fine when I finally hook up with someone who I like and care about, but I’m not confident in that and would feel that I’m almost treating someone like a guinea pig in order to see if my phobia kicks in. This is by no means true for everyone, but it certainly isn’t common for plus size women to have concerns about their own bodies, while at the same time receiving a lot of attention from men who just view them as a fetish and don’t want to seriously date them. If I dated someone like that and my phobia/anxiety prevented me from really being able to have sex, to them it could easily seem like I just found them enticing as some kind of experiment until they took their clothes off and I became repulsed. I think that could be really damaging and I would never want to put someone in a situation where they’d feel like that. My dating pool given my current tastes is quite small at this point, so I also have the more selfish fear of ruining my chances with one of the few people around my town (I’m in a relatively small town) who I feel I could potentially be attracted to, before I’m really ready.
So anyway in the end I basically want to nip this whole phobia/aversion to vaginas (as well general anatomy and thin bodies in general) in the bud, I desperately want to experience sexual attraction like a normal dude. Whenever I hear the general sentiment of a lot of men that they aren’t picky and could generally have sex with any woman, I’m so jealous and wonder why I’m the one who has to feel the way I do. I’ve exercised more recently, have a good job and a bunch of hobbies and interests that I’d love to share with someone, and I don’t have trouble making friends and meeting new people, so other than this I feel like I’m ready to date and could really enjoy it! There’s really nothing else I want more in my life. It hurts that I see that I can get matches with women who seem like great people I would totally get along with, but I know that my brain would be repulsed by the sight of their bodies if we got serious at all.
If you read this far, I seriously appreciate it! Have spoken to very very few people about this, but feel really ready to try to tackle it. So essentially my question is whether or not this would be suitable for a sex therapist or a more regular therapist. From what I’ve seen, many sex therapists focus on working with couples, and I’m not sure my experience really applies. I think in general I would prefer a more general therapist who I could see long-term, as I’d like to be able to talk about issues other than what I’ve laid out here, but it’s unclear to me if they’re prepared to deal with… well everything I just explained here lol. I wouldn’t want to come with something too outlandish if I’m clearly supposed to take problems like this elsewhere.
I was just curious if anyone here had therapy experience and would have advice on how to proceed from here. If you have any other questions about my experience or have experienced anything similar or know anyone else who has, feel free to chime in too, I’d be really interested to know!
Thanks again!
TL;DR: Developed phobia to vaginas for no apparent reason 8-9 years ago, has since expanded to many parts of human anatomy and thin bodies in general. Want to start dating but there are many complications related to this phobia, so I’m looking to contact a therapy. Should this go to a sex therapist or a more general therapist?
submitted by /u/BackstonLamplaigneJr
[link] [comments]
r/sex Hi everyone, I hope this is an appropriate place to post something like this! I have a particular set of troubles related to sex and I’ve never found any instances of anyone else experiencing anything similar, and I’m finally looking for a therapist and wondering if a sex therapist would be appropriate or if it would make sense to seek out a, for a lack of a better term, “regular” therapist. Bit of a long story/vent here, feel free to skip to the TL;DR if you like, but I’m really interested to know some thoughts on my experience. Basically, I (25M), without any past trauma or provoking incident, developed kind of a phobia-like reaction towards vaginas around 8 or 9 years ago. Was reading a sex scene in the Song of Ice and Fire series in school, felt a little bothered and then just passed out, and was never really the same after. It’s hard to explain but I think it’s similar to how irrational fears are for many people. Conceptually/logically I understand there’s nothing wrong, and I’ve spent plenty of time over the years since trying to make sure that I understand women’s anatomy pretty well in order to diminish any “alienness” of it, but when I see a vagina or think about it too much, it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable and lightheaded, and I feel this uncomfortable tingling in my fingers. Unfortunately over the years this has expanded to a general discomfort around orifices and general interior anatomy, with belly buttons especially bothering me, and even on my own body I become quite uncomfortable when I pay attention to visible veins or bones. And that leads to the other big part of this, which is that I am definitely not asexual, and in response to my development of this phobia in high school I started to lean towards bigger women in the porn I would watch, partially because from many positions the vagina was less visible. Over the years my tastes have become more extreme with larger and larger women, and I basically exclusively feel sexual attraction to them. To be clear, I don’t consider me being attracted to plus size women a problem or a disease that needs to be fixed, but my tastes have become so exclusive and specific that it really complicates and worsens my experience when it comes to dating. In past months I’ve been feeling more and more ready and longing to start dating and have someone in my life, but my experience is really hurt by the double whammy of 1. feeling that I can only potentially be sexually attracted to big women, and 2. Even if I were dating someone I was very attracted to, when it comes to actual sex it’s a total unknown how I will react mentally when confronted with a vagina. I consider myself a very sex-positive person and hate that the end result of this is that, to someone who doesn’t know my full situation, I’d seem like some stereotypical fuckboy who is grossed out by giving oral or something. If/when I ever have sex I want to be able to put effort into pleasing someone and I want to be able to enjoy that myself, but for some reason the concept of female pleasure sets off some kind of alarms in my brain. There’s always a chance that instinct will take over and things would go fine when I finally hook up with someone who I like and care about, but I’m not confident in that and would feel that I’m almost treating someone like a guinea pig in order to see if my phobia kicks in. This is by no means true for everyone, but it certainly isn’t common for plus size women to have concerns about their own bodies, while at the same time receiving a lot of attention from men who just view them as a fetish and don’t want to seriously date them. If I dated someone like that and my phobia/anxiety prevented me from really being able to have sex, to them it could easily seem like I just found them enticing as some kind of experiment until they took their clothes off and I became repulsed. I think that could be really damaging and I would never want to put someone in a situation where they’d feel like that. My dating pool given my current tastes is quite small at this point, so I also have the more selfish fear of ruining my chances with one of the few people around my town (I’m in a relatively small town) who I feel I could potentially be attracted to, before I’m really ready. So anyway in the end I basically want to nip this whole phobia/aversion to vaginas (as well general anatomy and thin bodies in general) in the bud, I desperately want to experience sexual attraction like a normal dude. Whenever I hear the general sentiment of a lot of men that they aren’t picky and could generally have sex with any woman, I’m so jealous and wonder why I’m the one who has to feel the way I do. I’ve exercised more recently, have a good job and a bunch of hobbies and interests that I’d love to share with someone, and I don’t have trouble making friends and meeting new people, so other than this I feel like I’m ready to date and could really enjoy it! There’s really nothing else I want more in my life. It hurts that I see that I can get matches with women who seem like great people I would totally get along with, but I know that my brain would be repulsed by the sight of their bodies if we got serious at all. If you read this far, I seriously appreciate it! Have spoken to very very few people about this, but feel really ready to try to tackle it. So essentially my question is whether or not this would be suitable for a sex therapist or a more regular therapist. From what I’ve seen, many sex therapists focus on working with couples, and I’m not sure my experience really applies. I think in general I would prefer a more general therapist who I could see long-term, as I’d like to be able to talk about issues other than what I’ve laid out here, but it’s unclear to me if they’re prepared to deal with… well everything I just explained here lol. I wouldn’t want to come with something too outlandish if I’m clearly supposed to take problems like this elsewhere. I was just curious if anyone here had therapy experience and would have advice on how to proceed from here. If you have any other questions about my experience or have experienced anything similar or know anyone else who has, feel free to chime in too, I’d be really interested to know! Thanks again! TL;DR: Developed phobia to vaginas for no apparent reason 8-9 years ago, has since expanded to many parts of human anatomy and thin bodies in general. Want to start dating but there are many complications related to this phobia, so I’m looking to contact a therapy. Should this go to a sex therapist or a more general therapist? submitted by /u/BackstonLamplaigneJr [link] [comments]
Hi everyone, I hope this is an appropriate place to post something like this! I have a particular set of troubles related to sex and I’ve never found any instances of anyone else experiencing anything similar, and I’m finally looking for a therapist and wondering if a sex therapist would be appropriate or if it would make sense to seek out a, for a lack of a better term, “regular” therapist.
Bit of a long story/vent here, feel free to skip to the TL;DR if you like, but I’m really interested to know some thoughts on my experience.
Basically, I (25M), without any past trauma or provoking incident, developed kind of a phobia-like reaction towards vaginas around 8 or 9 years ago. Was reading a sex scene in the Song of Ice and Fire series in school, felt a little bothered and then just passed out, and was never really the same after. It’s hard to explain but I think it’s similar to how irrational fears are for many people. Conceptually/logically I understand there’s nothing wrong, and I’ve spent plenty of time over the years since trying to make sure that I understand women’s anatomy pretty well in order to diminish any “alienness” of it, but when I see a vagina or think about it too much, it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable and lightheaded, and I feel this uncomfortable tingling in my fingers. Unfortunately over the years this has expanded to a general discomfort around orifices and general interior anatomy, with belly buttons especially bothering me, and even on my own body I become quite uncomfortable when I pay attention to visible veins or bones.
And that leads to the other big part of this, which is that I am definitely not asexual, and in response to my development of this phobia in high school I started to lean towards bigger women in the porn I would watch, partially because from many positions the vagina was less visible. Over the years my tastes have become more extreme with larger and larger women, and I basically exclusively feel sexual attraction to them. To be clear, I don’t consider me being attracted to plus size women a problem or a disease that needs to be fixed, but my tastes have become so exclusive and specific that it really complicates and worsens my experience when it comes to dating.
In past months I’ve been feeling more and more ready and longing to start dating and have someone in my life, but my experience is really hurt by the double whammy of 1. feeling that I can only potentially be sexually attracted to big women, and 2. Even if I were dating someone I was very attracted to, when it comes to actual sex it’s a total unknown how I will react mentally when confronted with a vagina.
I consider myself a very sex-positive person and hate that the end result of this is that, to someone who doesn’t know my full situation, I’d seem like some stereotypical fuckboy who is grossed out by giving oral or something. If/when I ever have sex I want to be able to put effort into pleasing someone and I want to be able to enjoy that myself, but for some reason the concept of female pleasure sets off some kind of alarms in my brain. There’s always a chance that instinct will take over and things would go fine when I finally hook up with someone who I like and care about, but I’m not confident in that and would feel that I’m almost treating someone like a guinea pig in order to see if my phobia kicks in. This is by no means true for everyone, but it certainly isn’t common for plus size women to have concerns about their own bodies, while at the same time receiving a lot of attention from men who just view them as a fetish and don’t want to seriously date them. If I dated someone like that and my phobia/anxiety prevented me from really being able to have sex, to them it could easily seem like I just found them enticing as some kind of experiment until they took their clothes off and I became repulsed. I think that could be really damaging and I would never want to put someone in a situation where they’d feel like that. My dating pool given my current tastes is quite small at this point, so I also have the more selfish fear of ruining my chances with one of the few people around my town (I’m in a relatively small town) who I feel I could potentially be attracted to, before I’m really ready.
So anyway in the end I basically want to nip this whole phobia/aversion to vaginas (as well general anatomy and thin bodies in general) in the bud, I desperately want to experience sexual attraction like a normal dude. Whenever I hear the general sentiment of a lot of men that they aren’t picky and could generally have sex with any woman, I’m so jealous and wonder why I’m the one who has to feel the way I do. I’ve exercised more recently, have a good job and a bunch of hobbies and interests that I’d love to share with someone, and I don’t have trouble making friends and meeting new people, so other than this I feel like I’m ready to date and could really enjoy it! There’s really nothing else I want more in my life. It hurts that I see that I can get matches with women who seem like great people I would totally get along with, but I know that my brain would be repulsed by the sight of their bodies if we got serious at all.
If you read this far, I seriously appreciate it! Have spoken to very very few people about this, but feel really ready to try to tackle it. So essentially my question is whether or not this would be suitable for a sex therapist or a more regular therapist. From what I’ve seen, many sex therapists focus on working with couples, and I’m not sure my experience really applies. I think in general I would prefer a more general therapist who I could see long-term, as I’d like to be able to talk about issues other than what I’ve laid out here, but it’s unclear to me if they’re prepared to deal with… well everything I just explained here lol. I wouldn’t want to come with something too outlandish if I’m clearly supposed to take problems like this elsewhere.
I was just curious if anyone here had therapy experience and would have advice on how to proceed from here. If you have any other questions about my experience or have experienced anything similar or know anyone else who has, feel free to chime in too, I’d be really interested to know!
Thanks again!
TL;DR: Developed phobia to vaginas for no apparent reason 8-9 years ago, has since expanded to many parts of human anatomy and thin bodies in general. Want to start dating but there are many complications related to this phobia, so I’m looking to contact a therapy. Should this go to a sex therapist or a more general therapist?
submitted by /u/BackstonLamplaigneJr
[link] [comments]