I said a past ab*sers name during sex… what do I do /u/ParkingOk9993 Sex

My bf (25m) and I (25f) have known each other over a decade and have been together for around 3 years. We are very happy together. He is my best friend. And the sex is great.

We just had a very hard conversation. Apparently last week when we were having sex, I said a past abusers name mixed in with saying my bfs… I have absolutely no recollection of it. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that being something that would happen. Especially without me even realizing.

For the record, I was r*ped and nothing that was done to me by that person whose name was said was desired or consensual in. the. slightest.

The worst part… he said it’s happened a couple times before over the years. There doesn’t seem to be anything specifically triggering it. Like I said, we have great sex. I’m not slipping into flashbacks or anything. A name just slips in sometimes. A split second.

I’m beside myself. I’m deep in trauma therapy and have been going religiously for years as I do have extensive sexual trauma. So knowing that, it also feels like such a major blow because I thought I would be doing everything imaginable to prevent something like this. Or I’d be farther in my healing than would allow this to happen.

I’m horrified. Knowing I said that person’s name in an intimate, pleasurable moment, for one. That makes me SICK to think about. But with my BF?! INSTEAD of his?? Horrified on his behalf as we well as mine. I feel so horrible and like I’ve tainted our sex life. He is so kind and understanding and loves me so much he is just trying to reassure me and help me heal. But I know this hurts him so deeply. How could it not.

The thought (in therapy) right now is I feel so safe with my bf that some trauma is leaking through… the without me remembering part is what brings such fear. Even knowing the wholesome (ig?) reason, I feel damaged, like a monster, like I can’t trust my perception of reality. I don’t know how to proceed.

We are taking ALL the precautions. We have both upped our individual therapies and I am working INTENSELY on this. We are also long distance for the next couple months so pausing sex is already kind of mandatory..

I guess I’m not sure what I’m asking… but has this happened to anyone? Aside from my therapists advice, I think I am just looking for another person’s human-to-human advice, perspective, or insight… Please be kind…..

My bf (25m) and I (25f) have known each other over a decade and have been together for around 3 years. We are very happy together. He is my best friend. And the sex is great.

We just had a very hard conversation. Apparently last week when we were having sex, I said a past abusers name mixed in with saying my bfs… I have absolutely no recollection of it. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that being something that would happen. Especially without me even realizing.

For the record, I was r*ped and nothing that was done to me by that person whose name was said was desired or consensual in. the. slightest.

The worst part… he said it’s happened a couple times before over the years. There doesn’t seem to be anything specifically triggering it. Like I said, we have great sex. I’m not slipping into flashbacks or anything. A name just slips in sometimes. A split second.

I’m beside myself. I’m deep in trauma therapy and have been going religiously for years as I do have extensive sexual trauma. So knowing that, it also feels like such a major blow because I thought I would be doing everything imaginable to prevent something like this. Or I’d be farther in my healing than would allow this to happen.

I’m horrified. Knowing I said that person’s name in an intimate, pleasurable moment, for one. That makes me SICK to think about. But with my BF?! INSTEAD of his?? Horrified on his behalf as we well as mine. I feel so horrible and like I’ve tainted our sex life. He is so kind and understanding and loves me so much he is just trying to reassure me and help me heal. But I know this hurts him so deeply. How could it not.

The thought (in therapy) right now is I feel so safe with my bf that some trauma is leaking through… the without me remembering part is what brings such fear. Even knowing the wholesome (ig?) reason, I feel damaged, like a monster, like I can’t trust my perception of reality. I don’t know how to proceed.

We are taking ALL the precautions. We have both upped our individual therapies and I am working INTENSELY on this. We are also long distance for the next couple months so pausing sex is already kind of mandatory..

I guess I’m not sure what I’m asking… but has this happened to anyone? Aside from my therapists advice, I think I am just looking for another person’s human-to-human advice, perspective, or insight… Please be kind…..