I (23F) feel like I do not have any sexual drive, and my boyfriend (23F) wants to have sex multiple times a day. Can I find ways to make my sexual drive go up? /u/Snoo76945 Sex

TW: mention of SA

Hi! The title doesn’t really do justice to the whole aspect of this issue. But it sums up the main problem I have been facing for a long time now. Sorry if this is really long.

To start, I want to mention that I am extremely attracted to my boyfriend and I think he is the hottest man walking the planet. I still want to be intimate with him because I love the feeling of being close and personal with him. Unfortunately I just don’t enjoy having sex in general.

When we started dating we were 18. However, a lot had happened in the year prior to us meeting in university. I hadn’t done anything more than make out with a guy up until my 17th year. I had thought about being sexual with someone but it never was something I prioritized or actively wanted to do. Unfortunately, when I was in grade 12 I was SA’d twice in one night, and my virginity was taken from me.

Before I went to university my mom signed me up to get a hormonal IUD. I agreed because we both thought it’s a good idea to have birth control going into uni.

When I met my bf, we didn’t have sex for two months because we werent sure if we were ready to date eachother and we (I should say I) didn’t want to ruin something that could be special by hooking up too early / I was scared of losing someone who I was already obsessed with. But as soon as we had sex for the first time, it opened Pandora’s box!! We would have sex three times a day, good sex, passionate, connected. I had the desire to have sex with him! And it was really fun. This was how it was for three years. We would have sex two or three times every time we saw eachother. But something slowly started to change for me, and I started to lose this sexual desire over the next two years.

here’s the kicker guys. I have never had an orgasm. Not once. And this is not for lack of trying. I’ve masterbated and I’ve bought toys. I’ve read articles, watched YouTube videos. Everything you can think of i have tried. But I’ve never been able to orgasm. My boyfriend doesn’t know this. I did not fake orgasms until… one day he brought up how he feels like he can’t satisfy me and he’s almost emasculated. I didn’t make it obvious but I started fake orgasming shortly after. And this even harder when all my best girl friends talk about how they can orgasm in two minutes, and how it’s so easy for them.

Im worried that I’ll never be able to orgasm. That im in the small percentile of woman who can’t. And I feel like me being unable to have an outcome of sex has hindered me from wanting to. I think I see sex as something to satisfy my boyfriend and not me, because nothing ever happens for me. It’s not like a chore but it’s close.

I also don’t feel sexual, I don’t feel sexy anymore. I feel attractive and confident in myself but I’m missing that sexual aspect that I used to carry around. I don’t even want to send pictures to my Bf when we’re apart anymore. Something I used to do alot.

I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t keep having sex if I don’t want to, but I also feel scared to lose my bf if I stop having sex with him.

This was a half rant and thank you for reading this if you did. But really I’m just hoping someone out there had any advice for me. It’s 2023, a new year and I want to make myself the happiest I can be. Any advice would be helpful or anyone who has experienced something like this.

PS: I Know that sex isn’t always about finishing. And we have times when neither of us does and it’s just a really nice feeling of connection and physical intimacy.

TW: mention of SA

Hi! The title doesn’t really do justice to the whole aspect of this issue. But it sums up the main problem I have been facing for a long time now. Sorry if this is really long.

To start, I want to mention that I am extremely attracted to my boyfriend and I think he is the hottest man walking the planet. I still want to be intimate with him because I love the feeling of being close and personal with him. Unfortunately I just don’t enjoy having sex in general.

When we started dating we were 18. However, a lot had happened in the year prior to us meeting in university. I hadn’t done anything more than make out with a guy up until my 17th year. I had thought about being sexual with someone but it never was something I prioritized or actively wanted to do. Unfortunately, when I was in grade 12 I was SA’d twice in one night, and my virginity was taken from me.

Before I went to university my mom signed me up to get a hormonal IUD. I agreed because we both thought it’s a good idea to have birth control going into uni.

When I met my bf, we didn’t have sex for two months because we werent sure if we were ready to date eachother and we (I should say I) didn’t want to ruin something that could be special by hooking up too early / I was scared of losing someone who I was already obsessed with. But as soon as we had sex for the first time, it opened Pandora’s box!! We would have sex three times a day, good sex, passionate, connected. I had the desire to have sex with him! And it was really fun. This was how it was for three years. We would have sex two or three times every time we saw eachother. But something slowly started to change for me, and I started to lose this sexual desire over the next two years.

here’s the kicker guys. I have never had an orgasm. Not once. And this is not for lack of trying. I’ve masterbated and I’ve bought toys. I’ve read articles, watched YouTube videos. Everything you can think of i have tried. But I’ve never been able to orgasm. My boyfriend doesn’t know this. I did not fake orgasms until… one day he brought up how he feels like he can’t satisfy me and he’s almost emasculated. I didn’t make it obvious but I started fake orgasming shortly after. And this even harder when all my best girl friends talk about how they can orgasm in two minutes, and how it’s so easy for them.

Im worried that I’ll never be able to orgasm. That im in the small percentile of woman who can’t. And I feel like me being unable to have an outcome of sex has hindered me from wanting to. I think I see sex as something to satisfy my boyfriend and not me, because nothing ever happens for me. It’s not like a chore but it’s close.

I also don’t feel sexual, I don’t feel sexy anymore. I feel attractive and confident in myself but I’m missing that sexual aspect that I used to carry around. I don’t even want to send pictures to my Bf when we’re apart anymore. Something I used to do alot.

I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t keep having sex if I don’t want to, but I also feel scared to lose my bf if I stop having sex with him.

This was a half rant and thank you for reading this if you did. But really I’m just hoping someone out there had any advice for me. It’s 2023, a new year and I want to make myself the happiest I can be. Any advice would be helpful or anyone who has experienced something like this.

PS: I Know that sex isn’t always about finishing. And we have times when neither of us does and it’s just a really nice feeling of connection and physical intimacy.