My bf (both in our 30’s) had a porn problem that wrecked my confidence. How do I get it back? /u/AFKyuumi Sex

When we first started dating (5ish years ago) we had a fantastic sex life. We both initiated equally. After about 2 years, he really got into porn. Like was constantly browsing it in his free time (and probably at work too) and jerking off so much we completely stopped having sex. At first it was really hard on me. I kept trying to initiate exactly how he told me he wanted me to. He always declined. The last time I tried to initiate he threw me off of him with this disgusted look on his face. That was the day I decided to never initiate again and our sex life disappeared because he had completely stopped initiating months before.

One day he decided that he wanted to start having sex again. He’s stopped jerking off, he initiates sex, he keeps apologizing and telling me how much he wants me and loves my body. But I just don’t believe him. Sex stresses me out. I can’t bring myself to initiate. I found that I actually didn’t miss sex that much after about 6 months. And now that he wants to work on this and for me to start initiating again, I’ve started to feel this pressure in my chest just thinking about sex. I tried to initiate earlier and I couldn’t do it. All I could think about was how it would be pity sex if he agreed. That I would be a burden and taking him away from the game he was enjoying if he went along with it. That I’m not worth that and I can much easier get myself off without bothering anyone or taking him away from what little time he has to enjoy his hobbies.

I feel guilty that he’s putting in work to fix this, and I can’t seem to put in any effort on my end. I was watching YouTube videos on learning how to do a lap dance to try to get back in the groove but all I could do while watching it was cry. I can’t imagine moving with that sort of confidence anymore. It was so sexy and sensual and I just feel stupid whenever I try to feel like that. I used to cry myself to sleep wishing for our old sex life back and now I desperately wish he would drop it and go back to jerking off too much to want sex. I don’t know what to do and I’m sad and full of anxiety.

When we first started dating (5ish years ago) we had a fantastic sex life. We both initiated equally. After about 2 years, he really got into porn. Like was constantly browsing it in his free time (and probably at work too) and jerking off so much we completely stopped having sex. At first it was really hard on me. I kept trying to initiate exactly how he told me he wanted me to. He always declined. The last time I tried to initiate he threw me off of him with this disgusted look on his face. That was the day I decided to never initiate again and our sex life disappeared because he had completely stopped initiating months before.

One day he decided that he wanted to start having sex again. He’s stopped jerking off, he initiates sex, he keeps apologizing and telling me how much he wants me and loves my body. But I just don’t believe him. Sex stresses me out. I can’t bring myself to initiate. I found that I actually didn’t miss sex that much after about 6 months. And now that he wants to work on this and for me to start initiating again, I’ve started to feel this pressure in my chest just thinking about sex. I tried to initiate earlier and I couldn’t do it. All I could think about was how it would be pity sex if he agreed. That I would be a burden and taking him away from the game he was enjoying if he went along with it. That I’m not worth that and I can much easier get myself off without bothering anyone or taking him away from what little time he has to enjoy his hobbies.

I feel guilty that he’s putting in work to fix this, and I can’t seem to put in any effort on my end. I was watching YouTube videos on learning how to do a lap dance to try to get back in the groove but all I could do while watching it was cry. I can’t imagine moving with that sort of confidence anymore. It was so sexy and sensual and I just feel stupid whenever I try to feel like that. I used to cry myself to sleep wishing for our old sex life back and now I desperately wish he would drop it and go back to jerking off too much to want sex. I don’t know what to do and I’m sad and full of anxiety.