How to be present in the moment? /u/Subject_Basis9719 Sex

Hi all, I’m a bit sad and I feel like sharing my anxiety with you would help me. English is not my native tongue so sorry for mistakes.

I (F29) recently started having sex regularly with my boyfriend (40). Before him I had sex only once in my life and regretted it, it left me traumatized for over 10 years which means in those years I had no ONS, no boyfriend, no sex. If I wanted an orgasm, I could get it for myself. I guess I got used to playing with myself while watching porn so now I have a hard time getting off when I’m with my BF. Usually he gets me off after PIV (which I like but I guess I don’t enjoy it as much as other lucky women do, can’t cum from that). After PIV he either goes down on me or uses his fingers on my clit but I take too long to reach orgasm (like definitely more than 15-20 mins). I cannot really be present in the moment or switch off my brain, all I’m thinking about is how embarrassing it is and how tired his hand must be. So even if my brain switches off for some seconds, these thoughts come in and ruin my mood -> takes longer and longer to climax. (He never complained that it takes too long or whatever, it’s just my mind, you know)

Most of the time I can only reach orgasm when I think of situations I love watching in porn (like hard throatfuck, dirty talk). I love having these pictures in my mind even though I could actually never stand throatfuck (little mouth, thick dick) or doing dirty talk, I’d feel weird.. In my imagination I don’t picture other people but my BF and me.

My sex drive is pretty high, I masturbate at least 1 time in 2 days (and we have sex almost everyday but at least 3-4 times a week). Also, I’m shy to initiate sex in a direct way but I just read some great tips on this subreddit which I’ll try. I really want to be in the moment and enjoy sex as it is, without the need to think of situations that turn me on (because he turns me on anyway!). I’m really in love with this guy and feel guilty for not “enjoying” sex as it is, even though he does everything so well. I hate my brain.

So, if you read this, congrats and thank you, and if you have any tip on how I could make my brain shut up, then extra thanks to you.

(posted from throwaway account for obvious reasons)

Hi all, I’m a bit sad and I feel like sharing my anxiety with you would help me. English is not my native tongue so sorry for mistakes.

I (F29) recently started having sex regularly with my boyfriend (40). Before him I had sex only once in my life and regretted it, it left me traumatized for over 10 years which means in those years I had no ONS, no boyfriend, no sex. If I wanted an orgasm, I could get it for myself. I guess I got used to playing with myself while watching porn so now I have a hard time getting off when I’m with my BF. Usually he gets me off after PIV (which I like but I guess I don’t enjoy it as much as other lucky women do, can’t cum from that). After PIV he either goes down on me or uses his fingers on my clit but I take too long to reach orgasm (like definitely more than 15-20 mins). I cannot really be present in the moment or switch off my brain, all I’m thinking about is how embarrassing it is and how tired his hand must be. So even if my brain switches off for some seconds, these thoughts come in and ruin my mood -> takes longer and longer to climax. (He never complained that it takes too long or whatever, it’s just my mind, you know)

Most of the time I can only reach orgasm when I think of situations I love watching in porn (like hard throatfuck, dirty talk). I love having these pictures in my mind even though I could actually never stand throatfuck (little mouth, thick dick) or doing dirty talk, I’d feel weird.. In my imagination I don’t picture other people but my BF and me.

My sex drive is pretty high, I masturbate at least 1 time in 2 days (and we have sex almost everyday but at least 3-4 times a week). Also, I’m shy to initiate sex in a direct way but I just read some great tips on this subreddit which I’ll try. I really want to be in the moment and enjoy sex as it is, without the need to think of situations that turn me on (because he turns me on anyway!). I’m really in love with this guy and feel guilty for not “enjoying” sex as it is, even though he does everything so well. I hate my brain.

So, if you read this, congrats and thank you, and if you have any tip on how I could make my brain shut up, then extra thanks to you.

(posted from throwaway account for obvious reasons)