So I (30F) have been dating this guy (28M) for 5 dates now. Everything is going great, I feel like we’re slowly opening up to each other emotionally and we’re also progressing physically at a gentle pace (had our first kiss at the 3rd date and the last two dates making out and cuddling and feeling a bit).
The problem is that I’m a virgin due to some very heavy attachment issues that I’m finally starting to understand and am working through with a therapist. I have a lot of insecurities about myself and also about sex. I know this is very unattractive and it has chased away guys in the past, and since I really like him I don’t want it to happen. I told him a fraction of my attachment issues on our last date so he knows why I need more time and space to open up but nothing more (don’t wanna trauma dump)
On the last date we had some intense making out sessions and when he wanted to persue further I stopped him and told him I didn’t want to go any further because I needed more time before I could have sex. He was really respectful about it and apologised about being too enthusiastic. He also said that he liked that I stated my boundaries like that, so it’s clear to him how far he can go. We made out some more and cuddled a lot and it was a nice evening.
The problem is, I feel like I should have told him I was a virgin and that’s the reason I wanna wait. The reason I didn’t is because in the past I’ve had two extreme reactions to this with people I was getting into a relationship with and told them at exactly this amount of time into the dating process. One guy was very pushy and didn’t wanna hear my no, he made it his mission to try and take my virginity. I let him walk all over my boundaries and felt disgusted about it. The other guy practically ran away from the moment he knew.
So I do wanna tell him because he deserves to know and I feel like I’ve finally met someone who respects me and my boundaries enough. But I feel like he would be annoyed that I didn’t tell him before or that I maybe wanna wait longer than he anticipated or something like that, or that he will run away once I tell him.
How do I tell him and when? I know I’m practically a walking red flag as a 30 year old virgin and am pretty ashamed about it, but I don’t wanna make this a heavy topic towards him. I just want him to know so he’ll be a bit careful once we get intimate, and so I won’t feel so insecure about being unexperienced without him knowing…
submitted by /u/justmeasking5678
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r/sex So I (30F) have been dating this guy (28M) for 5 dates now. Everything is going great, I feel like we’re slowly opening up to each other emotionally and we’re also progressing physically at a gentle pace (had our first kiss at the 3rd date and the last two dates making out and cuddling and feeling a bit). The problem is that I’m a virgin due to some very heavy attachment issues that I’m finally starting to understand and am working through with a therapist. I have a lot of insecurities about myself and also about sex. I know this is very unattractive and it has chased away guys in the past, and since I really like him I don’t want it to happen. I told him a fraction of my attachment issues on our last date so he knows why I need more time and space to open up but nothing more (don’t wanna trauma dump) On the last date we had some intense making out sessions and when he wanted to persue further I stopped him and told him I didn’t want to go any further because I needed more time before I could have sex. He was really respectful about it and apologised about being too enthusiastic. He also said that he liked that I stated my boundaries like that, so it’s clear to him how far he can go. We made out some more and cuddled a lot and it was a nice evening. The problem is, I feel like I should have told him I was a virgin and that’s the reason I wanna wait. The reason I didn’t is because in the past I’ve had two extreme reactions to this with people I was getting into a relationship with and told them at exactly this amount of time into the dating process. One guy was very pushy and didn’t wanna hear my no, he made it his mission to try and take my virginity. I let him walk all over my boundaries and felt disgusted about it. The other guy practically ran away from the moment he knew. So I do wanna tell him because he deserves to know and I feel like I’ve finally met someone who respects me and my boundaries enough. But I feel like he would be annoyed that I didn’t tell him before or that I maybe wanna wait longer than he anticipated or something like that, or that he will run away once I tell him. How do I tell him and when? I know I’m practically a walking red flag as a 30 year old virgin and am pretty ashamed about it, but I don’t wanna make this a heavy topic towards him. I just want him to know so he’ll be a bit careful once we get intimate, and so I won’t feel so insecure about being unexperienced without him knowing… submitted by /u/justmeasking5678 [link] [comments]
So I (30F) have been dating this guy (28M) for 5 dates now. Everything is going great, I feel like we’re slowly opening up to each other emotionally and we’re also progressing physically at a gentle pace (had our first kiss at the 3rd date and the last two dates making out and cuddling and feeling a bit).
The problem is that I’m a virgin due to some very heavy attachment issues that I’m finally starting to understand and am working through with a therapist. I have a lot of insecurities about myself and also about sex. I know this is very unattractive and it has chased away guys in the past, and since I really like him I don’t want it to happen. I told him a fraction of my attachment issues on our last date so he knows why I need more time and space to open up but nothing more (don’t wanna trauma dump)
On the last date we had some intense making out sessions and when he wanted to persue further I stopped him and told him I didn’t want to go any further because I needed more time before I could have sex. He was really respectful about it and apologised about being too enthusiastic. He also said that he liked that I stated my boundaries like that, so it’s clear to him how far he can go. We made out some more and cuddled a lot and it was a nice evening.
The problem is, I feel like I should have told him I was a virgin and that’s the reason I wanna wait. The reason I didn’t is because in the past I’ve had two extreme reactions to this with people I was getting into a relationship with and told them at exactly this amount of time into the dating process. One guy was very pushy and didn’t wanna hear my no, he made it his mission to try and take my virginity. I let him walk all over my boundaries and felt disgusted about it. The other guy practically ran away from the moment he knew.
So I do wanna tell him because he deserves to know and I feel like I’ve finally met someone who respects me and my boundaries enough. But I feel like he would be annoyed that I didn’t tell him before or that I maybe wanna wait longer than he anticipated or something like that, or that he will run away once I tell him.
How do I tell him and when? I know I’m practically a walking red flag as a 30 year old virgin and am pretty ashamed about it, but I don’t wanna make this a heavy topic towards him. I just want him to know so he’ll be a bit careful once we get intimate, and so I won’t feel so insecure about being unexperienced without him knowing…
submitted by /u/justmeasking5678
[link] [comments]